Well, this weekend was an eventful weekend to say the least. My mother finally tied the knot with her pastor friend. He's a nice guy and I'm happy to call him family, buuuttt..it's the whole churchy thing that's getting me down. Nothing against the churchgoers, people who frequent churches have all my respect, but it's the "so when are you going to join our congregation?" question that bothers me. "Sorry, according to your religion if I were to join, I'd burn in hell for all eternity. So I'm gonna have to pass!"

The guys kids are nice, but..holy shit are they overachievers. Nothing wrong with that mind you..I over achieved in my day too, I mean seriously SOMEONE had to sit on the couch ALL day long! It took many tedious butt squatting hours to put that nice warm dent into the cushion and puh..c'mon level 64 on gauntlet!? (yes, my childhood was filled with catch phrases like "all your base are belong to us" or "FINISH HIM!!!"). But, when striking a conversation that revolves around..well.. anything, it is quite annoying to hear.."Yeah? Well my family did this and this this and THIS!" "So bloody freakin what, like I care if your ancestors were the on the second boat to the americas..it just means they were the second to shit in our woods and to oppress the indians..congradubloodyfreakinlations!"
OY! And to hear my step father going on about all of their achievments.."yes, my son is one of the youngest to be considered for eagle scout and my oldest is going to gustavus..the SAME college I went to..I've been to Isreal 6 times!!"

And, to hear, "so when are you going to baptize your children? You'll baptize the baby of course...rrriiigghht?" After a while I just feel spinless and weak because I just sit there and smile and skirt the issue. Why, because my mother is sitting riiigghht there giving me looks over his shoulder that says "don't say anything..just nod and agree" Fucking people! *sighs* I'm sick and tired of the secrets. My mother started seeing the guy when he was married...secretly. Of course she told me and I was obliged for some reason to do tarot reading after reading for her and her dramatic relationship. (of course HE couldn't know I did readings since it was evil in the bible!) And I can't tell him that she has bills..oh no..he has no idea what debt is like. He now knows that I know he was married (yeah, I talked to him on the phone and gave him some counseling on how to get out of his marraige..) So now, I'm completely confused when someone asks me if my mother and he are living together.."well,.." (mentally sort through the catalogue of lies) "technichally no, but she sees him an awful lot so..." (mentally pat myself on the back for thinking on my feet whilst beating myself for lying..AGAIN!) Then they tell me about his kids, like his eldest son is gay and has anal warts..BLOODY..Like I needed to know that!! That image will haunt me for the rest of my life!!

Then...then they treat me like shit and expect me to do everything..pick up the slack from our end and make us look good. Baptize your children and join our church, it's good for the image! WHAT!!!!! Ok, I have my own secrets, but honestly if they were to ask I might tell them. My mother knows, but her hubby sure doesn't. *sighs* Yes, this practice is my biggest secret. Why?! Because let's put it this way..my ancestors..(yeah with the ancestors bullshit again) were from Germany. They had two really big castles, but, the king didn't like them..apparently..soooo they followed martin Luther in the reformation into switzerland and were granted land by the kaiser. This means they got to set up camp right next to the black forest and nab the annabaptists as they ran past and keep them in their basement of doom and torture them. Yep, something to be proud of. Apparently yes, my stepfather and mother think its great, specially since ALL my family is Luthern now (truth is, this happened on my fathers side, so she's not even directly related to it..and I'm an occultist and couldn't give a rats ass). My grandmother just thinks it's peachy that he's luthern AND elca (whatever that is..), and everyone is happy joy joy. *sighs* cept me, I'm the person in the closet trying to sort through all the lies and keep smiling and trying to keep myself together in the process. "join our church ...join our church.." Is that the monotonous banter of a cult?!

..Oh and I like being in charge of my own destiny, I don't goofy fluffy churchy things that say be happy and good whilst hanging a crucified bloody man on their wall! Sorry, but that does kinda creep me out.."join our church..it's free but it does require a 5% donation to god of your yearly salary...but it comes with a complimentary crucifix and bumper sticker that says "kill all unbeleivers!" Then they tell ME I'm in a cult! ME! So, like I'm a part of something that makes you sit and chant religious tones whilst paying out the ass with your own hard earned cash? riiiigght..."hey you with the collection plate, what hymns are we gonna sing!?"

Sorry, but when you start singing praises to the "lord" while closing your eyes and rocking back and forth...that creeps me out. I don't care if you're in the groove or not, stop trying to convert me with fluffy ass bible crap you damn reformed hippie!!!!!

*sighs* Yes, venting..nothing against the church..or the church goers..it's just..keep your damn religion to yourself.


....sorry, I'd spell check this but apparently spell check doesn't work on the blogs.