I changed to Satarel. Figured that without a q, people are less likely to misspell it.

Been keeping up with my physical and spiritual training - I now get periods where I can even feel out my path, which is useful.

As for general other things, life's a bit crazy. A lot of changes recently.

Well, continuing on from last post, life has been going really well... except that my brain is so screwed over that I've been unable to complete one assignment, had to get a completely new one for another subject, and I'm 5 days overdue on a third one.

Can't concentrate worth a damn. Gonna have to get another shrink appointment and start up the dexies again.

On top of that, I have this bizarre craving for something but I don't know what... and I seriously need to feed.

Even more bizarre.

Ever since that dream, I've had the weirdest sensation of being completely surrounded or wrapped by someone who cares. I haven't had any fear (and I had to give a seminar on social policy differences between rural and urban areas, with just two pages of rather repetitive notes), I haven't had much in the way of worries.

You know that change, when you have a partner/girlfriend/whatever - you're more confident, you're more there? That's what I have. Only without one.

Everything's going right. Everything never goes right for me!

I had the strangest dream last night. This... thing I guess... which looked like a woman (same age as me) sort of came into being, stated that it was a construct I could call up at any time for any reason. Later on I refered to her as a "godlet". But she didn't have a name.

The other strange thing about it though, was that the dream moved onto dreams inside the dream - or rather, it moved on into normal dreams - but whenever it did and I started to get lost in the dreamstate, she literally pulled me out of them. She took my hand and pulled me back.

Throughout the whole thing, she acted as my "consort"... but it was very non-human... sort of just a friend who looked the part.

Very odd.

Two men walk into a bar.
The first man orders a scotch and soda.
The second man remembers something he'd forgotten - and it doubles him over with pain. He falls to the floor shaking, and then through the floor and into the earth. He looks back up at the first man, but he doesn't call out to him.
They're not that close.

I think I made mention of this a while ago in the forum when that whole discussion about the indigo/violet phenomenon was going on. A friend of mine (and subsequent investigations into it) described it as divided into the "indigo children" and the "violet children" - I can't remember which was which, and it doesn't really matter, but the point is that one was meant to be a force of order and another a force of chaos, and according to my friend, who happens to be on the order side of the spectrum, I fall into the chaos side of things (it's important to note that this friend of mine is an abnormally close friend - we differ in opinions, but both trust each other phenominally).

At any rate, recently this got me thinking. Every time I look in a mirror, the first thing I notice is that my eyes remind me of serpent's eyes.

Now for most Christians, the first thing that'd pop into their head (but it's only just now popped into mine) when talking serpents, is Genesis, and the serpent in the tree. However, for me, the first thing that popped into my head was Tiamat, the Babylonian primordial dragon of the deep, rent in two by Marduk (or earlier than that, Enlil) and used to build the universe. Biblically, the Hebrews acknowledge Tiamat, in a meta-text fashion. Genesis talks about "tehom" - the primordial waters of creation, literally "the deep" - which God divides. Much the same thing.

Recently I've been meditating on the connection of chaos and Tiamat. Creation represents the supreme instance of order, but that massive order is still built out of Tiamat - the primordial chaos. Being a representative of universal disorder (not in the "imbalance" sense, but rather the "entropic/null-entropic" sense), means a connection to something both inside and outside of the universe (have you ever thought about nothingness? it has no rules, no order, no dimensions, no time - it cannot be destroyed or overwritten, because it has no experience of time in which to be destroyed, it will always exist)... Tiamat... and we return once more to my eyes. Serpentine, or draconic.

Interestingly, when attempting to play upon this connection, I do seem to be achieving results. Improbable events seem to start sparking off when I mentally link to the Tiamat concept. I'm not yet willing to bet on it, but I feel fantastic; masses more energy than I'd had before. Of course, the important thing I've been mixing in is that chaos is not an intent, it's a method. Most people associate chaos with destruction and darkness - I'm attempting to do the opposite (because chaos isn't destruction) and mix it with conceptions of light... and so far it's doing remarkably well.

Haven't updated for a while now, have I?

Well for the last month I've been living in my dying grandmother's apartment (while she stays in intensive care). She didn't even have a phoneline let alone an internet connection - hence my lack of posts.

There was a weird incident one night where I walked past her bedroom and saw her inside, stepped back to have another look and she was gone.

I wasn't able to get either sunstone; the store I normally buy my stones from doesn't seem to have restocked with them.

I have a new girlfriend who it seems is also a psi-vampire - fairly high-burn, apparently she has an average 3 day feeding cycle - although there's something very bizarre going on there that I'm investigating further. Does the name "Azarail" mean anything to anyone? My hebrew checking seems to come up with an approximation of "girded by God" or "God has helped" - something like that...

My sacral chakra is a bit odd - it shifts into and out of existance, with no apparent rhyme or reason. Some days my energy system incorporates a sacral chakra, on other days it works as though there isn't one. No major shifts in body functioning because of it though, and that strange effect of having a lack of breath whenever I was in need of food as subsided considerably.

That's about it. Exercise has had to go down what with the fact that I've moved three times in the past two and a half months.

Oh, and I highly recommend NOT reading Psychopolitics from the PDF library, unless you enjoy paranoid and psychotic propaganda texts. It can only be described as an overview, not a how-to, and it's probably not what you will have imagined it to be.

I have a sacral chakra. Yeah - THAT kind of WTF moment.

Recently; ever since I had that awesomely bizarre couple of days where I had most of my chakral points blazing, my solar plexus chakra has regularly been feeling like it's building up pressure. The main way to relieve it was to eat (a lot - I'd have to be almost full before it would really stop). In fact, on top of the forcing myself to eat (or rather, finding enough stuff to eat) just to counter it when it gives me trouble, my appetite has about tripled what it used to be - and I'm not gaining weight from it.

So tonight (as of about 5 minutes ago actually, and it's quarter past 4 in the morning), because I simply couldn't get rid of it, I picked up my turquoise and sodalite (incidentally, my sodalite has been taking on more and more red veins [it's a blue stone! it's not meant to be red!] the more I attune to it, and it weirds out my ex-wicca friend who lives in the house I'm staying in when she tries to use it), and try to use them to rebalance.

Does anyone know what it feels like to have a chakra split? The energy focused in my solar plexus just suddenly divided, and half slid down to about an inch below my navel. I guess it probably wasn't a split so much as a blockage suddenly being removed (or a place for that energy to go to being formed). It was the most bizarre sensation I've experienced so far - even more so than discovering that my energy flows down the heaven-line. So I have a sacral chakra, and energy might even start flowing properly down to my root chakra (which up until now I've been able to feel, but hasn't been much use to me).

Hurray for bizarreness I guess. I'm even beginning to get touches of that reconnectedness from that time I mentioned at the top of the post.

The sunstones haven't come through yet, so I got myself a turquoise stone, some sodalite and snowflake obsidian.

Got $600 deposited in my bank account this semester, so there are a few fun spiritual and training things on the horizon.

So far I bought myself an amethyst and a labradorite stone.

A note for the unwary - placing an amethyst on your third eye can be painful. Surprisingly so. Apparently I'm good at discovering the painful things not to do.

Labradorite's an interesting stone for those who are unfamiliar with it. Got a few varying descriptions of what it does; one says it can promote telepathy and psychic abilities, another says it represents the "temple of the stars" - helping one understand one's chosen destiny, and a knowing of the "right time", and so on. At any rate, it's a darkish green cloudy stone, with varying levels of irridescence. A good one will look like this, but mine's nowhere near as shiny.

I also got a friend a lepidolite stone. They're a sort of marbled purple, and apparently useful for reducing addictive behaviours, stabilising mood, alleviating stress and so on. Apparently it even contains lithium, which was something that surprised me.

At any rate, I should have a gold and blue sunstone on friday, and I would really love to get my hands on a (london) blue topaz, although that's rather expensive.

Moving away from the rock collection though, I'm also going to get myself a pair of Kali fighting sticks (as I mentioned elsewhere), since I'm pretty certain that they're the best staff weapon for my particular way of moving.

And that's about it. I was going to restart officially training in aikido, but my knees are getting rather screwed up of late (pressure on my knees, especially my right, that goes in ways that my knees don't bend, tends to feel like it could potentially cause them dislocate - unpleasant sensation to say the least).