That would explain the whole thing acid. I can see you know your shit. A few details that would back up what you just said is that I started remembering dreams but the weird thing was I hadnt even fallen asleep. I was still sitting at the computer but somehow I started remembering new dreams.

Pretty interesting all the same that it enables you to dream while your still awake.

I agree with distillate there I can see no reason going to rehab would do me any good. Besides like I said I quit drugs already. I ament even drinking anymore. I admit im feeling slightly bipolar after stopping it altogether. Half the time im happy and have the will to improve myself the other half im angry and restless and dont really care what happens to me.

Its only been 5 days though I'll probably have to wait at least 2 weeks until the toxins are fully out of my system.

This post has been edited by Xochipilli: Dec 5 2006, 01:51 AM

LOL american rehab equals drugs are easy to get because as you leave they wait outside for you. lololol

The only drug i would reccomend and IN MODERATION for experiances would be salvia,opium,gymsen weed (spelling), and peyote. These mostly shamanic drugs will opeb\n doors.
Really cleanliness is the best. No alternative to having great things happen while you are totally sober.

I'd throw in marijuana, x and datura seeds to your list there Enochian, thats just me.

Drugs can be used for spiritual purposes. I would not dispute that. Its just that most people do not have a clue (especially about the proper doses) about what they are doing prior to introducing drugs. I'd bet many people are not even engaging in any kind of ritual, other than maybe passing the bong around (IMG:style_emoticons/default/wink.gif) . Imo, the root motivation is simply to trip and get high, not find anything truely revealing or spiritual. Then people have a tendency to experience intense hallucinations under these circumstances try to make sense of it by finding some spiritual meaning to it.

I suggested it because if a person is truely interested in quiting drugs then a decent rehab center can provide them with the support and knowledge to do so. It just takes the frame of mind that one wants to quit. A Buddhist temple is a fine alternative, though I think it will focus mainly on Buddhism and not drug use. Thats the difference between any temple and rehab. Rehab specifically goes after the drugs.

Quite frankly, where I learned a lot of my shit on drugs was out-patient rehab. Granted it was imposed on me by the courts though. And I don't think I passed many piss tests either, at least not until I realized that if I didn't go sober for awhile I'd end up back in jail - where I learned most everything else I know about drugs. And, imo the councelors at rehab were a far less pain than probation officers, let alone corrupt prison guards - those guys have you by nuts 24/7.

Not to mention psilocybin containing mushrooms, amanita mushrooms and above all the almighty DMT. By the way gymsen weeds just another name for Datura stramonium from what I gather. Ive never tried opium but I never considered it as a spiritual drug.

There are also hundreds of less known substances which have shamanic uses.

Take a look at my website:
http://www.plantsofthegods.net/
http://www.plantsofthegods.net/?get=botany...pe=psychoactive (Psychoactive plants page)


I dont have time to edit it much but im planning on putting a proper shamanism section and a magick section eventually. It will concentrate on ritual uses of psychoactive plants and drugs.

I agree with you that marijuana and X are good drugs to use for spiritual purposes but they both have high abuse potentials. Most psychedelics are the opposite.

Theres another aspect of psychedelics which you seem to be missing. Over the years I didnt take mushrooms, salvia, DMT to perform magick or rituals. I used them to open up doors in mind, let extra information flow in, and use parts of my brain I never could in my ordinary waking state.

I believe using psychedelics in the right scenarios can be incredibly benificial in attaining knowledge and increasing your mind power. I see them as tools. I dont see them as replacements for meditation or magick. I see them as tools which can accelerate and increase to ability to meditate and perform magick.

Anybody that puts psychedelics like psilocybin, salvia, DMT, datura, etc. in the same both as drugs like methamphetamine, cocaine, heroin etc. obviously have no idea what psychedelics are all about. Its out of ignorance people consider those psychedelics as addictive and destructive drugs. In the case of cannabis I think its somewhere in between a psychedelic and a recreational drug.
Hard to define it as a psychedelic drug then again its hard not to.

This post has been edited by Xochipilli: Dec 7 2006, 03:48 PM

The same way I have pages for all the different Aztec gods it would be pretty cool if I made a database for all the Goetia deities.

only time rahab is usful is when you have horrid withdrawl symptoms. Such as when an alcoholic who has been drinking for years everyday trys to quit. The alcoholic will most likely get life threating DT's, and the only way to get through it safely is through detox at a rehab center.

Ah you went through drug court huh? Well the counslors are of course going to be nicer they go through school knowing damn well they are going to make shit money, so it has to be a calling. The only time someone will get clean is if they really want to, nothing else will help them.

This post has been edited by distillate: Dec 8 2006, 12:55 PM

I think just about any drug could be said to have a high potential for abuse, alcohol included. It all depends on why one uses them. I also think that any mind altering substance (even sugar) could have spiritual uses. There are just some substances I would avoid over others. And for that matter in general, I'd avoid drugs and magick all together unless one either has the knowledge/experience or the guidence of somebody how does.

I agree but that last part is exactly why I would advise others, without proper knowledge, to avoid drugs. They can influence the developement of one's perception and mental ability in positive ways. At the same time, over use, can do the exact opposite and even cause permanent damage or dependance. Even mild drugs like pot, alcohol or mushrooms can lead to health problems, mental and physical.

What drugs do is they enable or disable certain inhibitors within the body and/or release various neurotransmitters or otherwise (especially meth, PCP and cocaine) stimulate the central neurvus system. Now the mind can be taught to release these same transmitters through sheer will or mundane techniques that just require practice. When one uses drugs it bypasses the need to use proper techniques. This can be desirable and useful in pathworking or other trance work. But when people use drugs without knowing how to get the same results without the drugs they can become dependant on drugs to have spiritual expeirences. Furthermore drus can alter the mind in such that decerning reality, even spritual reality, from the affects of the drugs can be difficult and lead to delusions. Over prolonged use eventually one risks psychosis or other nasty side effects.

For some, the mind cannot handle such rapid advancement. And for some it leads them to question weather or not they have experienced something spiritual, or if it was just the drugs.

Now I'm not saying all this to you Xochipilli, you at least seem to already know. I'm saying this to anybody else who is considering incorperating drugs into magick. I think its important readers understand both the benefits and risks.

Rehab is meant to provide any addict (for anything, not just drugs) treatment for their addiction. Not just to detox but to also recieve psychological counciling and learn to deal with their lives without drugs (or whatever addiction) and formulate a relapse prevention plan. Sadly, it only works for about 3% the first time around. However if people do ant to change it does work eventually.

I take it either you've never been through any out-patient program or your did so with a negative mind set. Actually the councilors I worked with were from a non-profit organization. While I dispute its non-profit, The councilors were qualified volunteers (some were recovering addicts themselves) and they made less than school teachers. This notion that they're only doing their job for the pay came up before in our classes and its total bullshit, at least at the place I went to.

There are places with professional psychiatrist who cost a butt load but most first drug offenders are not required to go to places like that (unless maybe they did something like got drunk go on a pcp binge and shoot at a couple of cops).

I was a social work major and was one of those non-profit counselors (had to volunteer 40 hours to pass the class). Needless to say I changed my major.

and read my post over tough guy I said...



This post has been edited by distillate: Dec 9 2006, 03:33 PM

My ma suggested me going to rehab for that very reason. All I saw was the detox part and I knew I could do that by myself but maybe I shoulda gone for the psychological councelling.

I was bipolar for the last two weeks but im feeling way better now. Plus I slept about 14 hours today. That helps.

I don't know where you are located but you might check your local hospital or university to find information on drug counceling. At least where I'm at they offer several programs that are free. Wouldn't hurt to check it out. In my experience with the out patient program it was like sophmore health all over again, at least for the first and it was incredibly boring. Then the therapy sessions were a bit fluffy but after getting past that they were insightful. It might even be more practicle to check out the drug rehab and buddhist temple together. I did an intense out patient course (Punishment for not playing their games) but this one guy in there was also a buddhist who studied at a temple up somewhere in the mountains.

Just read" the teachings of Don Juan" by Carlos Castaneda. You will learn more than you ever wanted to know.

If you are not feeling bipolar after being off the drugs do not go to psychological councelling. They will push SSRI's on you (most likely effexor since that seems to be the new money maker) and they have some horrible withdrawl symtoms themselves. I am not saying they are anything like DT's, or meth withdrawl, but a close second (speaking from experience).

A little update on my psychosis.

Weeds been having some extremely fucked up effects on me for the last year now. Id been smoking it for about 6 years and the only negative effects it had was laziness up until about 2 years ago. I hadnt smoked a joint in about 3 months and I smoked a couple of joints yesterday.

Since my tolerance dropped so much I got stoned out of my head. First bad effect was instant fear and paranoia. After analysing if I really had anything to be paranoid about and realized I didnt I started getting paranoid about the dumbest things I could think about like the police coming after me for looking drug information or talking about drug synths on a forum.

When Im sober theres very little that can scare me even when im in a near death situation the fear doesnt come to me because im not afraid of dying. When im stoned on the other hand im afraid of everything. I was literally getting scared watching stupid horror movies on TV. The last joint I smoked got me so stoned I lost all my energy and lay down on my bed. This is where the psychosis really kicked in. I was hearing voices but instead of the usual random sentences id hear when i used to smoke weed they were all negative statements directed towards me.

I should add about 4 months ago i started hallucinating after staying up on speed too long and there was a voice in my head talking all sorts of shit. After only smoking weed last night this voice came back. It was talking all sorts of negative shit calling me an idiot, a faggot, a bastard, an a$%*#!*, an animal and most of all a lunatic. I kept hearing "your a lunatic". The voice also was taunting me saying "look your hearing voices now" "your schizofrenic". Also it kept saying "I hate you" and emphasising it as much as possible. It didnt say it in a regular voice it gave a real emphasising "I HAAAATE you". Id been hearing that sentence sober for a couple of weeks now but in a more blurred unclear form. It was crystal clear hearing it stoned.

The voice said loads of times "Your lion". At one point the voice said in a loud voice as if giving orders "WE ARE TAKING OVER". I was a bit nervous hearing that voice but this part did scare me. After lying down for about an hour observing what this voice was saying it said "Kill me Im evil" it repeated it 3 times in a row. After hearing that my heart started beating insanely fast because I was scared and it only stopped beating when I cut off the fear. First time Ive ever heard a sentence be repeated once after another like that. After that it said "Im lucifer incarnated". Just like the voice i heard hallucinating on speed this voice was saying things like "Were trying to take your life" and shit like that.

Now all this started I think about 2 years ago id hear the odd voice echoing things in my head when id smoke weed but last night it hit the peak. After that speed psychosis for months ago for the first time in my life ive been hearing voices echoing negative things when im completely sober but really vaguely and quietly and hard to make out. When I smoked that joint last night I heard every single word I heard sober but this time it was loud and clear.

Why in the name of god does weed make me so scared of everything. Every other drug has the complete opposite effect and im fearless. When taking shrooms with weed they seem to have polar opposite effects. Shrooms give me assurance weed gives me paranoia. Now that im sober again I want to get stoned again and see if I hear this voice again but everytime im stoned I get afraid for some stupid reason.

The whole time I know its all in my head but theres some part of my mind that keeps wondering whether im talking to a demon or a ghost. Is this schizofrenia im describing? Does anyone know what the hell im talking about and if so do you know how I can solve this problem. When im sober I always think ah I'll get stoned and overcome the problem this time but the minute im stoned I just wanna run away from the problem out of fear. Could this just be suppressed fears im dealing with? I was always scared shitless of demons and the devil as a kid because my great granny was a religious psychopath and always talked about them. When I hit about 14 I became the polar opposite and havent been afraid of anything even when I should be.

Since this forums about the occult I'll analyse it from that point of view. I visualised two things while lying there listening to my mind. One was some red pattern but the other I visualised red candles burning. A clear visualation too not in my mind but more like a projection in the middle of the room. This "I HAAAAAATE you" makes absolutely no sense it appears to be provoking a reaction. It said the word witchdoctor a few times something my dad claimed to be years ago but since hes full of shit i laughed my ass off when he said it. Also alot of this paranoia seems to stem from this prick. The voice made a few statements in relation to what i was thinking. I said something like "I dont hang around with scumbags" to myself and the voice responded "what about your dad, you think hes a saint?". I think its the fact that my dad always talked about how hes into the occult thats gotten me paranoid. I keep getting the impression hes trying to telepathically influence me and my mother and everyone thats known talk about him like hes the devil himself. When it said 3 times "kill me im evil" I did react thinking of the possibility that it was a demon and my heart started racing. Thinking over about the fact that a demon and ghost cant physically hurt me and even if they could im not afraid of pain or dying the fear goes away. I doesnt make sense that if im not afraid of dying at all that id be afraid of something as dumb as that. The voice also said "We're haunting you" and the way it said "Im lucifer" that sounds like some petty demon trying to make itself look scary. Reminds me of the exorcist and the exorcism of Emily Rose. In both films the demon claimed to be lucifer. Maybe thats where im getting this shit from.

Lets say for the sake of argument that since hes been studying Thelema, crowleys books and the occult for about 20 years now that hes learnt a trick of two and after performing a little bit of hypnosis on me one day in which he said "You will open up to ALL language" that hes able to telepathically connect to me. How would I know for sure that something metaphysical is going on. If I was to look around his apartment would there be any signs that he is into this shit that I could look for. The only thing that bothers me is the fact its fucking up my buzz everytime i smoke weed and it talks so much negative shit it outweighs the positve things i say in my head. Since words influence all these negative words must influence my mind too.

Im gonna get stoned again tonight and experiment with this voice again. I'll write down everything it says and ask it questions etc.


Same night he emails me a couple of weird articles like this'


I dont speak latin or french but I think hes saying in death comes renewal and integrity.

Heres the other one its a bunch of stories or something its real long so I'll just post the start


I find it odd that before I read checked my email this voice kept talking about how it was bringing on my death and mentioned the word witchdoctor more than once then I get this email with articles talking about in death brings renewal and integrity and a story titled Light Witch.

This post has been edited by Xochipilli: Mar 3 2007, 06:22 PM

It is difficult to give you a real indepth occult examination because it doesn't sound like you were attempting to acheive any mystical/magickal goals. Its sounds like you just had a reaction to such a strong dose of weed. By smoking the weed you triggered within your brain a cascade of synaptic responses that induced such a reaction. My "occult" opinion is you are appraching the point in the magician's path where he either achieves a new level of being bringing greater understanding and self empowerment or you totally loose you mind and become a raving lunatic. If you are having hallucinations *while sober* - both vissual and auditory you need a doctor. I'm starting to wonder if maybe in one of your drug induced episodes you didn't accidently hit your head or receive some sort of head trauma. I had a friend who went on a speed binge for 30 days and and then 3 months later realized he had a concussion. He only haead bad head aches though. If you're not a mental case then about the only other rational explaination I can think of is you have some kind of unresolved head injury. I heard, I could be wrong, people who expereince seizures sometimes reported hearing and seeing things while having an episode. If you are prone to epilepcy or having these expereinces while sober I'd suggest you avoid further drug use. Do not use for a period of time and if the hallucinations go away then you know the problem is what ever drugs. Marijuana is considered a mild hallucinogen. So if you had a high tollerance and then dropped it as well as all the other drugs you were doing, that would explain why you had an experience.

I remember when I was a lot younger I'd used to get so fried out of my mind then walking back to school I'd think that I could hear my legs walking and they made a mechanical sound. I remember another time I thought could hear buzzing noises or people laughing who weren't really there. Also I remember hearing voices before. Like people talking but I could never really understand them. I've seen trippy colors. I've felt 6 feet tall or 2 feet tall. I've had drug induced dreams where I talked to leprauchans or fairies. The greatest trips I've had off of drugs, aside from acid were off of hashish. We'd make that shit right in my friends house then sit there for a few days and get royally fucked up on that and what ever other drugs we had. I remember that each time I used to go to the bathroom the mirror in their seemed like a pool of water sitting on the wall. Of course then there is the whole myrriad of movies, tv shows, music, web pages and video games that just were all mind blowing on drugs. I stopped using drugs like that about 2 years ago. Then I stopped smoking weed for 7 months. Once I started smoking again I had a similar affect where I thought I was freaking out, it'd only last for maybe 10-15 minutes at a time and self talk pretty much kept me calm. But this only happened when I got high alone and it'd only take a couple good hits off some kill to just throw my socks off. Once I started smoking pretty regular again it all pretty much went away. I can't remember the exact psychological terminology but basically when the mind is exposed for so long to multiple drugs it starts to accociate similar affects with them. For example I used to feel like I was spun off weed because I used to smoke speed or coke mixed with weed. Or smoke weed while taking hits of acid or weed and x or weed and alcohol (thats probably the one I capitalized on the most) with the common denominator being weed its no wonder why I have so many different affects from it. So in all likeliness you're probably not crazy. But I also find it hard to relate your experience to anything "occult". Any spiritual experiences there are to be had from this are entirely up to you to find. If the problem persists this is indeed something you want a doctor to help you with and I'd be afraid to perscribe any sort of magickal appraoch for fear of making your situation worse.

However I can translate your french:

I.N.R.I.

In Necis Renascor Integre
In Just [Necis Renascor=latin I think]

(Dans la mort renaître intact et pur)
In death to reappear intact and pure

%





I.N.R.I.

Exotérique : Iesus Nazarenus Rex Iudorum
Not sure, Exotic? Essoteric? Jesus of Nazareth, Rex ludorum sound like latin to me


Ésotérique :
Essoteric

Igne Natura Renovatur Integra
If this is litterally what your father wrote its probably in some dialect I don't understand. I know the Creole French is a bit different.

(Car c’est à l’aide du feu et dans le feu même que notre hémisphère sera bientôt éprouvé)
Because it is using fire and in fire even as our hemisphere will be tested soon

Light Witch/ Sorcière(Victime) de(la) Lumière

(Pseudonyme : Danielle Abott / (Andolf)

demande EN MARRIAGEx2
Demand in marriage 2 times (not sure what this means)

Progrès = pp.58/17 Déc.= (XXD) dialogue = Yvon Amanda…
Progress = pp.58/Dec 17 = (XXD) dialogue = Yvon Amanda

(pp.60 = problèmes génétiques des gris)
genetic problems of the gray
Sounds like he's describing excerpts from some book

Insertions : Amanda fait de longues balades en raquette p :46-58=76/ elle picole en douce (vin rouge ?)
Amanda makes the long ones stroll in racket p :46-58=76/ it picole into soft (red wine?)

Leçon de télépathie/ soir de la prière inversée et jours suivants… + Flash sur religions humaines
Lesson of telepathy evening of the reversed prayer and following days... +Flash on human religions

24 Décembre au soir : Amanda rencontre le prêtre père Xavier, 36 ans, qui remplace le vieux curé du village malade… Elle entend cependant le prêtre penser depuis que les gris lui ont offert leurs dons…. Courant de conscience, monologue intérieur, pensées mobiles…– il finit par prendre peur…
December 24 at the evening: Amanda meets the priest father Xavier, 36 years, which replaces the old priest of the sick village... It intends the priest however to think since the gray offered their gifts to him... . Current of conscience, stream of consciousness, mobile thoughts...-- it ends up taking fear...

En février, les rats ont recours aux hologrammes : dont une scène avec le père d’Amanda : « Amanda parle-moi » »Je préfererais parler à du az lacrymogènes, osti de vieux schnock! »
In February, the rats have recourse to the holograms: of which a scene with the father of Amanda : “Amanda speaks to me”” I would prefer speech with az lachrymatory, osti of old fathead!

You're father sounds like he's speaking in tongues, if not he very eccentric. If he is attempting to communicate to you through some "code" I would disregard these emails unless you know his "code". I honestly would not even try to discern any real meaning out of this. But you can make of it what you will. Perhaps somebody would translate it a little differently.

A side not I keep hearing "How there you" now. The voice keeps changing what it says every few weeks or so. Also I should add when i hear it the most i have a mild headache. Right now my heads hurting and im having more mild visual and auritory hallucinations that usual.

I definately didnt bang my head while doing speed but 6 months ago i went head first into the side of a moving car. This very second I heard a voice say "Your haunted" and "your pushing your luck". Im pretty sure its my ego or subconscious talking but id like to examine all possibilites. Since I do believe in the paranormal I do still consider that a possibility although not a very likely one. People on this forum seem to know their shit when it comes to the occult so youd know better than i would if what im dealing with is a demon trying to gain control of some part of me. I dont at all believe that myself but ive been reading about loads of schizophrenic people who visit psychics and thats what the psychics tell them so i keep an open mind.

By the way Ive been having slight auditory and visual hallucinations for years now it was definately caused by smoking cannabis at first id only percieve it while stoned but now I percieve it really mildly while sober too. Nothing too out of the ordinary just blue static and the impression that solid objects arent really inert but are constantly moving. Just there I saw a little to the right of the computer screen this little black streak appear fly about 5 inches to the right and disappear. In fact im having lots of them at this very moment. About 10 inches above where i saw the black streak i saw a little yellow light about 5 cm in diameter flash on and off. Neither of these were seen in the center of vision so its one of those corner of the eye things. I'll make a flash animation on top of a photo one of these days and recreate what i see. The lights are fairly vivid though slightly like lasers. The best example i can give you is when you turn on the playstation 2 and that little blue light goes on. These lights are mostly goldish yellow or dark blue like the playstation light. FUCKKKKKK its happening way more that usual since im writing about it and i can hear a flicker sound that comes with it. I just saw that same golden orange light flash in the air further to the right this time. This is fuckin weird.

This visual stuff is nothing new though i noticed it happening years ago. The best ive ever seen it was after taking xtc and smoking weed. Id literally be able to stare directly at them before they disappeared. Naturally im fairly perceptive of whats in my visual field, i can spot little pieces of fluff, hair or dust floating by me but xtc speeds my mind up so that I catch everything. I mighjt be insane. If I was I wouldnt know it would I? Im definately not prone to epilepsy or any other illnesses though.

Since that speed experience ive taken xtc once and mushrooms once and not only was i fine with them they improved my mind and made me analyse myself like they always do its the weed that does me in. The minute cannabis comes into the equation things go nuts. Ive smoked the stuff for 8 years and never had any problems with it apart from extreme laziness up until 2 years ago. Believe me I know the psychedelic effects of ganja the first times i smoked it id looking in the mirror and see my face as a big complex jigsaw puzzle. When id breath in and out I saw a meter with bars going up and down. After about 2 or 3 years the stuff had little or no effects on me (side not i saw that orange flashing light again this time even further to the right but lower down, its almost the exact same color as my wall paint) but then for some weird reason about two years ago i started getting excessively paranoid and delusional.

Its no problem at all though. I can cut these voices off at will by changing my thoughts (which is probably a dead giveaway its all in my head) its just whenever anything happens that has even the slightest possbility of being occult I'll go to extreme lengths for proof. Ive been like that my whole life. Ive only had 2 experiences which could possibly be called paranormal. One when I was about 8 I always used to hear footsteps of someone walking around on the landing in the middle of the night so id jump up out of bed to see who it was and there was nobody there. My grandad died of a heart attack and I found him lying halfway on the stairs and landing. I always thought the footsteps might have been his ghost.

2nd weird thing I saw was some days when i was kid id look out my window at night and i lived by the beach so id be staring at the see and id see this orange light which at first I thought was a ship but it would move from side to side and fly away. Thought it could have been a helicopter too but it looked way bigger. One day me and my friend decided to flash a camera out the window because it looked like lightning in the back garden and we noticed this light way out over the see and at one point the light slowly flew up and started getting closer and closer. It looked bigger than a helicopter at this point and when i stopped flashing the camera it flew back over the sea and resumed its position. I desperately wanted to know what the hell it was but could never find out. Pity.

Anyway about this head business I went over the alternative possibilities so I have no doubts that theres absolutely nothing paranormal about it only psychological. As for the slight visual hallucinations all our brains are wired slightly differently obviously the weed rewired my brain slighly so I have a more psychedelic field of visual than usual. If anything its an advantage. It livens up my visual field and i can distinguish it from actual physical objects like hairs or floating dust so it has no downsides.

Thanks for the comments acid. They have more value to me since theyre coming from someone who has experience in both drugs and the occult.

This post has been edited by Xochipilli: Mar 6 2007, 01:01 AM

Ah I found it. Heres an excerpt from an article describing the kind of sensory hallucinations i have.


http://www.priory.com/halluc.htm

I also did have a head injury six months ago and had a weird concussion after effect (I got a strong chemical rotten egg smell and nearly fainted for no reason) so what you said would make a whole load of sense only problem is I had these hallucinations before having the head injury. Ive had loads of head injuries throughout my life though also I have a huge dent in the back of my head since birth and the occiput is in the back of the head.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Entoptic_phenomenon

I obviously have this occipital discharge thing. Weird you mentioned epilepsy because from what i gather occipital discharges are linked to it but im 100% sure im not epileptic. Ive stood in front of strobe lights many a time.

Well you at least sound like you're lucid and sane. It also sounds that what you're experiencing is all related. So if you have had multiple head injuries in the past it is possible that whats going on is because of them. I wouldn't say the weed re-wired you're brain. Marijuana is a drug that simply inhibits the neurons from firing properly. For example brain cell A encounters THC and it stops sending signals to brain cell B and instead sends them to brain cell C, D, E and F. This is what causes the "high" sensation. But the weed doesn't do anything that has a permanent affect, physiologically speaking. If on the other hand you are prone to mental illness the weed can induce episodes. Schizophrenics can have episodes if they smoke weed. Taking certain medications can also cause a reaction to the weed. No if your brain got re-wired it was the speed, x and mushrooms, and what ever other hard drugs you might have taken, that did it.

Maybe what you should try to do is talk to your voice. Try to understand it and perhaps figure out any sort of motivations. If this voice is hostile you must assert your dominance and never ever do what it asks. Giving into any demands it may make would only drive it into a full blown mental illness (Think of the Son of Sam). Really though I still think you should see a doctor to get your head scanned to avoid any further permanent damage.