Before I get to my question, I'll give some background information on this:

When I was about 11 or 12, I dabbled briefly in Ceremonial Magic(k). I know very well now that I had no business doing anything of that sort then!

Anyway, while playing with it, I can into contact with...something. It is a male, as far as I can tell and he's been a part of my life for nearly thirteen years now. I could call him a spirit since I have no clue what he really is.

What has happened during my time "with" his is as follows:

--I have had dreams of either being abused or having intercourse with him, and have woken up with either bruises, cuts or damage elsewhere (I'm rather shy about talking about that part since the last person I told about the last encounter suggested that my own husband raped me).

--He has been seen by other people with no prior knowledge of who/what he is or about our connection. If I met someone new, he has a habit of following them home...trust me, that makes for some strange conversations later on!

--Our relationship seems to be parasitic (and has observed to be so by a friend), however, I'm almost addicted to his feeding off of me.

--He isn't around all of the time. There is possibly one month out of a year where he seems strongest, and, then, he's gone or faintly there for the rest of the year.
---

I'm not familiar with spirits outside of the general ones, so I'm having a hard time with even believing that he does exist (even though other people have seen him).

I don't know what this is. Does anyone here know, or have a clue?
Could something like this even happen? I kinda just need to know that I'm not losing my mind, which it probably sounds like I have already.

Sorry for the vague post. I've made it a habit to keep my words guarded just in case. I can elaborate if anyone has questions.

First, It might help if you gave us a bit more detail on what you were doing when you first came into contact with the entity.
Second, there are indeed entities out there that look specifically for people who start using magic(k), because they can attach themselves without too much worry. It gives them an "in" so to speak.
Third, this entity seems to be a psychic vampire. Whether it is a physical person or not is a different story.

My suggestion would be to sever any connections to it and banish it immediately.

From what I can remember, I was reading and copying the Goetia into another book (each sigil, all of the instructions, etc.). I don't remember what else I could have done.
I'm not 100% sure if only doing that would trigger something.(?)

I strongly doubt that he's an actual person. From what he's told me, it sounds more like he wants to be alive than "Hey! I'm at Hot Topic right now! I'll snack on your essence later."

There is one problem with severing it. In the past, he has been somewhat of a protector to me. He has helped me out of some rather bad spots....and right about now, you'll probably say what my friends says, "That it's just not worth the protection". (IMG:style_emoticons/default/smile.gif)

He was probably an incubbus entity, most entities are created by mankind via thoughtforms over the years, and of course magical workings and excess energy may trigger them. Usually the case is a free-willed vampiric entity in the astral which lives on the mundane's energy via sex or other ways such as the "old hag effect".

This post has been edited by DeathStalker: Jan 18 2007, 12:29 AM

so the rape or abuse to you does not bother you? You find him a protector instead???

I agree with mystic. Was whaterver it protected you from worse than abuse, rape, and knowing that something could do this whenever it wanted and you could do nothing about it? You can learn to protect yourself. Also, couldn't whatever is doing this be the cause of whatever situation it "saved" you from, in order to gain ur trust? Srry if you've heard this all before, but just my thoughts. Anyway, I hope u get this resolved and find peace.
-Fenix

If you did not invite it, than tell whatever it is to leave. While you may feel that it has "helped you," these types of relationships are rarely good. Sometimes a magickian might invite a spirit to feed off of him or her in exchange for protection or other services, the key word here is invite. The spirit, or energy form, knows that at any time the magickian may sever that connection and therefore understands not to take advantage of the said magickian. This is not the case in your situation. Whatever it is simply chose to latch on to you and is now influencing your thought pattern. Sever the link and banish the entity straight into the depths of the abyss. It may seem like it is helping you, but if it violated your space and latched onto you without your consent, than it must now leave because it does not respect you, your authority, or your right to live in privacy.

-Ashnook

Incubi,

I agree with Ashnook entirely.
Neserit, an effective vampiric spirit would certainly want to provide you any "reason" it could for you to keep up the relationship . . . helping you out in spots really isn't that big of a effort on its part, if that can convince you to continue letting it abuse you.
And, on the note of energy abuse (particularly sexual energy abuse), it can become quite addictive . . FOR YOU, the donar as well as the obvious "addiction" of the spirit.

Don't let this thing fool you, or worst yet allow you to develop an obsession with it (which quite frankly is how you sound, no offense).

I don't know if whatever you did as a child (exposure to ceremonial texts...) made the connection (I personally doubt it), but everything tends to align itself to the (whatever) significances of the moment (Jung calls is sincrinicity). Probably this thing/spirit was simply waiting for the "right" moment for someone to start leeching energy from.

Do yourself a favor, end the relationship. After the drains are long gone, and your full in charge and control of your own intentionality and Will . . . then if you want to conduct a relationship with this thing, on strictly your terms....
But I personally wouldn't suggest that either.

And I would guess you know what you need, simply because your asking. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/smile.gif)
(your strong . . . your stronger then it)

This post has been edited by palindroem: Jan 18 2007, 06:25 PM

thats the real point you should understand... may be it can be like trying to quit smoking, but for your case its worse than cigs...

learn to give a big kick to the butt of nasty parasites like that.... what if you have a daughter later and when you pass out, that parasite tries to do the same to the daughter. Its you allowing it continue, thus you who will be responsible :-)



so today itself look for a good ass kicking banishing :-)