Sigh.

I have been thinking about why i dont like where my life is.

I posted a topic motivation, thinking im too lazy.

i just wanted to avoid the simple truth.

I FAIL.

If soul's were eggs, mine would be a cracked easter egg filled with puss.

I cant keep a connversation.

i have no focus.

i put max effort into everything and maintain a positive attidude, and even add assistance with magic.

the magic fails.

i fail.

If i was a tarrot card i'd be the fool, devoid of any positive or negative qualities.

im just there,

a waste.


no one respects me.

no matter how much i respect myself.

its all in vain.

if you cant walk the walk, then talking the talk is just a load.

I try i try.

ive been training my body relentlessly

my spirit magically.

but im still to slow.

soul just stagnates and dies.

i was rejected by every girl i asked out.

most of them reply as if i was less than human.

I dont get picked last for sports because i dont even get picked.

even when the gym teachers are picking teams they leave me out.

my retarded classmate looks at me as if i was a circus freak.

because i am one.

effort and a positive attitude dont mean anything.

If they did then i would have seen the results ive been working on since i was a child.

but i never will.

thats the way the world works.

i see that now.

If a positive attitude and determination never gave me anything in the past, why would it give me something in the future?

My bar was never set too high. just to succeed at something.
anything.
even if it was just once.

hasnt happened in 15 years,

wont happen in 30

wont happen in 60.

besides. whats the point in having goals unless they are good ones?

This post has been edited by davisxmonster: Jan 20 2009, 06:30 PM

It wont happen until you DO something about it. Complaining will only makes it worst. It happens to many people at your age and for me, reading motivation and self help book was a great booster to set me in the right direction. I'd suggest you try to pick up books by Tony Robbins and make it your bible to transform your way of thinking, because that will sets you apart from anyone else.

oh, and you do not "ask" a girl to go out with you... you persuade them to ask YOU. Don't put them on any pedestal and keep busting on their ass! You are the catch. You are the MAN.

Develop your character on this early age with positive thinking and knowledge. In a year or two, you'll see changes. Guaranteed. The SM library was made available specifically for this purpose. Self-transform yourself into the beautiful butterfly that you are and don't dwell or get stuck on your own self-made cocoon for long. Nobody will help or care - but you and you alone.

Everything is a challenge. Failure will NEVER happen unless YOU accepted it.

Thanks kinjo.

that straight to the point and realistic post really helped...

dont know about the girl thing though. Most members of the opposite sex want to avoid me.

Don't know why.


EDIT checked out the seduction thread.

they all said stuff about confidence and not being insecure. I have confidence when i ask out a girl... just doesn't seem to do much.

This post has been edited by davisxmonster: Jan 20 2009, 08:36 PM

What sets people from another is their way of thinking. Same with poor and rich people way's of thinking, the successful from the have not's. You are on the right tender and receptive age to start developing this way of thinking.

For now, forget about girls since you're most likely to fail miserably like you've proven to yourself. You are NOT a failure, but the system you currently use to attract woman is a damn desperate and miserable one. You've got nothing to offer her, nada... and they'll avoid you like a plaque... for now. We don't want to keep doing what's NOT working right? No woman want to have a wuss around. No matter how you look, they need a man who WILL take charge and basically "tell" and influence her what to do/what/how to think. What you want her to do, and believe me, with a strong developed character, she will obey you happily. But first, she DEMANDS a man with principle, maturity, and a backbone. Right now, you are a complete wuss. Just like most men out there (IMG:style_emoticons/default/laugh.gif) How long do you think you want to stay this way? How long do you think you want to sit idle and let your own self-made "fate" finaly KILLS your spirit and accept failure?

Focus first on building your personal power. Focus on creating your "wealth" (personal, character, knowledge, and other sets of skill required for you to succeed in our future adult life). Your unique selling point.

As I mentioned, you DONT ask a girl out. Woman, especially beautiful ones, has sets of defensive system that you must disarm first (without them knowing it). In analogy, it's pretty much like fishing.

Attract her with all the things you do best (confidence, intelligence, wits, humor, people skills, etc) This is the very first step before you can do anything else with her... I do mean, anything... on command.

Anyways, I don't think I want to spill out everything you don't need to know yet in this post.

Build up yourself, concentrate on your studies, learn everything you can about your chosen field/s and most importantly, develop a STRONG character.

Believe me, once you paid the price in advance, and in FULL you'll get everything you ever wanted... (and deserve) ie.: lots of money, any woman you want, and as much sex you ever dreamed of.

I've been there...
don't think, and like Nike says, JUST DO IT!

Kinjo, while I respect you and you are generally speaking the truth here, I have to take umbrage at this. As a female, a guy who comes in and tells me how to live my life and *commands* me to think or do certain things is asking to have *ahem* some free extensive dental work. Then again, this is a cultural thing, and Western women are expected to be independent. I've met more than a couple of these and they were shown the door as soon as I figured out they were interested in a puppet, not a partner.

@Davisxmonster: That aside, what Kinjo's telling you is largely true. But first you've got to know yourself, your strengths and weaknesses, and what will complement them. This takes time and effort. Dating is simple, relationships are hard, and there will come a time when you'll have to decide which path you want to take. However, you need to begin learning the required skills now.

Don't only develop a strong character, also develop a *good* character. There are plenty of people in prison who have strong characters, but not good ones. People in general are attracted to people who listen, who make firm decisions, who are humble, and who can basically take care of themselves in a great many ways. Be honest and forthright with yourself and those around you. When you make mistakes, own them and do your best to correct them. All this is important to developing a strong and good character.

And if you need help, don't be afraid to ask for it, whether it's from your folks, a teacher, priest, counselor, etc. They're there to help you, and they want all the best for you too. I know it's hard but hang in there and be patient. These things will come.

Take care and all the best!

This post has been edited by Darkmage: Jan 21 2009, 01:27 AM

Thank you Darkmage for filling in the crucial blanks I've missed. I'll also must pass your free extensive dental work offer (IMG:style_emoticons/default/smile.gif)

Good, humble, tender, confident, a lil' cocky BUT funny, reliable, and a strong positive character. Well, there's actually a lot more positive words and moral values we can add to it but you get the point. Be a person of value, to yourself, to the community, and family. Part of being a man of value is pursuing your dreams, having a strong identity, and living a passionate life.

I'll also change my wording of "telling/influencing" to "inspiring". None of these is ever forced onto her, but once a woman has "fallen" she will often follow/collaberate the lead and the thought process of her man. A woman too independent should be left independent - alone. This is why America has one of the highest divorce rates in the world. Next her! A good relationship thrives on co-dependency and good communications.

I do believe all woman across cultures and race are the same - regardless their build-up superficial personal "cultures". We use emotional stimulation instead of rational discourse. As long as it feels right, your romantic interest will invent her own reasons for what is happening. In other words, when you can give her the right feelings, her rationalization process starts to work in your favor instead of against it. Here's an example: Cats don't take orders, but they can be tempted to chase. If you tie a feather to the end of a string, and use it properly, YOU can get a cat to perform acrobatics. But isn't it interesting that if you put the feather down in front of the cat, she will turn up her nose. Cats are always curious, especially about shiny new tilings such as the ball on a rubber cord, the catnip, the treats, the feather on a string, etc. She can be easily distracted but once she is invested in tiling to catch something, it can become her single-minded focus. Therefore, keep the bait just barely out of her reach and then continually entice her in small increments.

Also, it's important to differentiate that we cannot 'truly' seduce everyone, only the ones that is compatible with our own personality and to our likings.

Personal development and mastery is a never ending process, no matter on what stage we currently are. Like a ship we must always adapt the rudder to point ship to the right direction amidst constantly changing environment.

Likewise, there are just as many strong women out there as men, and in a good relationship, the woman will inspire the man and be as much a source of strength for the relationship as the man is. Co-dependency has a bad connotation in the US, it means that one person is generally making excuses for the other, who in turn is taking advantage of the weaker partner. Neither one has the strength of will to stand alone. *Cooperation* is what I'm pretty sure you mean, and this means two independent entities working together for the greater good. Good communication and mutual respect is critical for cooperation.

As for America having one of the highest divorce rates in the world b/c too many women are independent, the stats don't bear you out. Most divorces in the US are due to money, or the lack thereof. Next on the list is stuff like infidelity, domestic violence, substance abuse, etc. If someone is beating the hell out of you and the kids there's a serious stigma if you *don't* leave--and what a lot of people don't know is that 40% of domestic violence incidents are started by women. Men simply do more damage because they're generally larger. And if you have kids and fail to protect them from an abusive spouse you're gonna go to jail too. There's also more of a stigma (unlike more traditional cultures) if you don't leave if Hubby is sleeping around, drinking too much, gambling, etc. because as they say, there are plenty of other fish in the sea. Most of the people I know who have gotten divorced should have frankly never gotten married in the first place, most of them had the emotional maturity of ten year olds and that does not a good relationship make. :/ A considerable minority (including my own parents) got divorced because one person was dangerously crazy and therefore a threat. So...there are a lot of legitimate reasons for leaving. Too bad most people don't do their homework and really look into the other person's reputation and background before they exchange the rings.

The comment about not 'seducing' everyone is indeed true. Know yourself and you'll know the kind of person you're looking for.



There speaks a wise man indeed. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/wink.gif) It's a fatal flaw to confuse rigidity with strength. True strength comes from learning to adapt to circumstances while still being true to your highest ideals. If you don't know what yours are yet, take heart. You have plenty of time to find them.

This post has been edited by Darkmage: Jan 21 2009, 07:25 AM

? develop a strong character?

What?

Somehow this turned into a conversaiton about women and the point of the lecture went way over my head.

confidence, intelligence, wits, humor, people skills?

NOPE.

I dont have anything to offer

i dont think i have any dreams either.

i think about it alot but nothing comes up.

im not an interesting guy, and i have a boring life with nothing to my name.

ive been trying to find a way to change that but nothing comes up other than getting better at stuff.

what?

Everything.

Because im only good at one thing. Drawing. Im still not that good and poeple tend to think they are weird.

so i need to get better at life..... but i dont really know how.

EDIT: So youre saying i cant get a girl at all right now and i should just give up and try again later?

edit 2 what tony robbins book are you reffering to? I have been looking and i cant find any so maybe a specific title would help.

This post has been edited by davisxmonster: Jan 21 2009, 06:21 PM

You remind me alot of myself Davisxmonster.
You crying out for help to anyone who will take the time to hear it, and you don't even know what you need specific help with.
When help is offered its not enough, they're just words and plus, nobody seems to get you, you don't get you, it all seems pointless and so you remain in doubt, continually sinking deeper into the shell you created, your safety zone, where it's warm and cosy like the mothers womb before you entered this cold life.
trust me when I say this, staying in your shell can turn to hell, that warmth to the relentless whips of hell-fire. f%*! the world and what everyone may think of you and your drawings, f%*! em all. Open up to your true desires, never deny yourself... that is the only thing that truly brings pain. If what you truly want changes in time don't get pissed about it, you may have subconsciously attained what you needed and now its time to move on, so know when its time to move on. Life waits for none. This crazy world is way beyond comprehension, the fact it exists, the fact that you exist. Are you going to deny your existence over some bullshit that you believe. Just live, don't even think about it, just live out your hearts desire and before you have the chance to question your life you'll be an old fart needing help onto buses and unable to climb stairs. You think you got issues, atleast you can wipe your own ass.... but don't worry, that day may just come (IMG:style_emoticons/default/evil.gif)
You know inside there is something so strong, you're scared of it and thats why you make up all these reasons why you're a failure and useless, yeh it is scary, to know that you can survive alone and flourish in life all on your own accord, its alot of responsibility but its more than that it is your life, so except it, let it loose on the world and if they can't handle it..... f%*! em (IMG:style_emoticons/default/evil2.gif)
lol
(IMG:style_emoticons/default/wizard.gif)

This post has been edited by al_zaine: Jan 22 2009, 11:38 AM

Developing A Great Character
By: Brian Tracy

My note: Character is the ability to stick to a resolution after the mood and the enthusiasm in which the resolution was made, has past. Character is the ability to do what you know is right, rather than what is easy. Discipline weights answers, regret weights tons.

Being the Best In Every Area
What is character? Your character is the degree to which you live your life consistent with high, life-enhancing values. A person who lacks character is one who compromises on higher order values in favor of lower order expedience, or who has no values at all. Your adherence to what you believe to be right and true is the real measure of the person you have become to this moment.

Define What "Excellence" Means to You
Let us say that one of your values is "excellence." Your definition of excellence could be, "Excellence means that I set the highest standards for myself in everything I do. I do my very best in every situation and under all circumstances. I constantly strive to be better in my work, and as a person in my relationships. I recognize that excellence is a life-long journey and I work every day to become better and better in everything I do."

Organize Your Actions
With a definition like this, you have a clear organizing principle for your actions. You have set a standard by which you can evaluate your behavior. You have created a framework within which you can make decisions. You have a measuring rod against which you can compare yourself in everything you do. You can continually grade your activities in terms of "more" or "less." You have a clear target to aim at and organize your work around.

Decide What You Want for Your Family
It's the same with each of your other values. If your value is your family, you could define this as, "The needs of my family take precedence over all other concerns. Whenever I have to choose between the happiness, health and well being of a member of my family, and any other interest, my family will always come first."

Keep Focused
From that moment onward, it becomes easier for you to choose. Your family comes first. Until you have fully satisfied the needs of your family, no other time requirement will side track you into a lower value activity.

Shape Your Own Character
The wonderful thing about values clarification is that it enables you to take charge of developing and shaping your own character. When your values and goals, your inner life and your outer life, are in complete alignment, you feel terrific about yourself. You enjoy high self-esteem. Your self-confidence soars.

When you achieve complete congruence between your values and your goals, like a hand in a glove, you feel strong, happy, healthy and fully integrated as a person. You develop a kind of courage that makes you completely unafraid to make decisions and take action. Your whole life improves when you begin living your life by the values that you most admire.

Action Exercises
Here are two things you can do to put this ideas into action immediately.

First, create a clear, written description of your values and what they mean to you. From that point on, resolve to live consistent with your own definition.

Second, discipline yourself to live in complete alignment with the values, virtues and qualities that are most important to you. This is the key to character.

Thanks for all the help everyone.

i picked up the tony robbins book and have started becoming more focused and am following all of your advice.


This post has been edited by davisxmonster: Jan 26 2009, 09:53 PM

Davisxmonster

People here are making suggestions and you can choose to accept them or not. The Tony Robbins books are based on something called NLP (neuro-linguistic programming). It can be a very effective technique. You might also make a list of your good and bad traits. My guess is that you will have many many more good points than bad. That might make you feel better about yourself.

But it is also possible that it doesn't help you enough because of some chemical imbalance that predisposes you towards depression. You can't be diagnosed just be reading your posts on the board so I might suggest you see a professional. It might be a doctor, a psychologist, a psychiatrist but you should see someone just to eliminate the possibility at least. They might suggest pharmaceuticals, or suggest talk therapy. They cannot make you take their treatment (in most countries), you have to decide what is best for yourself and give or withold consent.

So there are things that you can do for yourself, or you might ask for help. Just remember that they can only suggest treatments, they can order you to take them. It is your choice. My motto has always been that if something works, use it. If it doesn't then try something else till you find out what does. Maybe you can think of it as a journey or hero quest.

.
I think Davisxmonster is on the very right path now

(IMG:style_emoticons/default/connie_witchy.gif)

As yet another woman on the board, I too must respectfully disagree.


If you wish to go out with a girl, ASK her!

Most women (myself included) aren't into games. They want to know what your intentions are right off the bat.




Be forward, be direct. Odds are, she's as shy about asking as you are.








Don't flatter yourself, Kinjo.

The mere fact that you have a Y chromosome does not make you all that and a bag of chips. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/nonono.gif)

This post has been edited by The Sorceress: Feb 1 2009, 07:04 AM

I honestly couldn't stop laughing the first time I read this, I laugh whenever I even think of this for more than a moment, pure gold.

Davisxmonster, I hope you start doing well because it sounds like you have some serious self-image issues. Just hang in there and no matter how bad it may be keep some positivity with you at all times... even if it's just the slightest glimmer, that's what we in the game call 'mental height'

This post has been edited by Bb3: Feb 3 2009, 03:42 AM

Cool down woman... (IMG:style_emoticons/default/laugh.gif) This is purely guys talk as the thread starter seems to be a man, at the moment (IMG:style_emoticons/default/laugh.gif) and I am not directing my post with any intention to insult any woman or anyone. We are here to learn from each other.. We respect woman, adore and cherish them.. and I personally treat mine like a queen (vice versa). If she behaves herself...
(IMG:style_emoticons/default/bigwink.gif)
Do keep in mind that I wrote my posts here in response to a fellow man in need for advice and support.

Ok, this is getting ridiculous... and I'm blunt.. so respectfuly, woman are culturally conditioned to be "more" manipulative than man. Woman as the supposedly weaker sex, had to use more charm, make ups, "conditioners", language and arsenals of other indirect means to achieve what they want ever since a child. Am I wrong in saying that? Be forward, be direct...? sorry, but I cannot ask a hot woman in the street: "Hey babe, look at those curves, those angelic face, those ...hmmm.... you have... oughhh, you're sooo damn sexy I can't walk straight no more.. let's have some wild hot and wet animal sex in the bushes over there... RIGHT NOW!!" without getting a slap in the face, can't I? If we can do that in Hell, then I'll be the first in line to the gate, ready with packs of condoms strapped over my shoulder and waist. But, a woman can ask a man directly and get a positive responses. Woman by nature are emotional creature, they get turned on by their "creative" imagination and that takes more time. While emotion 1 gets a man to do an action - emotion 1 leads to emotion 2 up to emotion 5 or more until a woman makes up her mind to take an action. When a woman says "honey, can you please get me a glass of water?" (while she can get it herself as easily), what she really saying is that "honey, I need more attention from you! stop what you're doing - right now! - and hold (or "x" me) me!" Likewise, a woman is not and never "shy" to ask a man out... they DO "ask" men out (or to do anything).. with indirect language and gestures... with various "baits", play of the words, imagination, intonations,... and us men are the one who got "the duty" to pick up their interest level signals correctly and follow up from there - from a mutual point A to Z. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/mamba.gif)

Not all women are that way.






LOL ... (IMG:style_emoticons/default/lol_2.gif)


I was thinking in terms of "go slow". Show some interest in HER (What does SHE like to do for fun? What are are HER favorite books, movies, etc.?) After that, maybe you can go out for coffee, dinner, drinks, etc.

You don't just launch into "Hey, baby ... I wanna have hot, monkey sex with you" ten minutes after you've first met. lol







Yes, that's true. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/smile.gif)

I'm with Goibniu. Davisxmonster, you can either live in misery and continue in on this cycle of hopelessness and never become anything or you can take control of your life and start practicing behaviors that will get you somewhere.

Depression is something I'm pretty familiar with. It never goes away. Even if you get medicated, you'll still have some symptoms. And trust me, some of the side affects are worse than the cure! But you can learn to control your depression. You can learn to reinforce positive behaviors and learn to love yourself for who you are.

When it comes to depression its not just mental, but physical as well. It can feel like the whole world hates you so much that God him self has placed an extra 100 lbs on your shoulder. Just realize that negative thinking is the enemy. It will only keep you down. As long as you continue to think negatively, you will feel down and depressed. Now when you make a mistake in life its ok to tell yourself "Gee, self, I sure f***ed that up". But you don't tell yourself you are loser or failure or that you'll never amount to anything. That only reinforces the depression. So teach yourself to not be so hard on yourself. Learn to recognize when you are being overly negative and when you are, just stop and think rationally. "Ok so that stupid kid in class is staring at me like I'm a circus freak".... "Wait I'm not actually a circus freak, I'm a decent human being, besides who cares if that kid stares I'll bet he's a real winner".

Now if you take action to battle your depression I would strongly suggest you find professional help who can guide you along the way. Don't misunderstand me. I'm NOT saying you're a lunatic. But a professional counselor can act almost as a sort of spirit guide and help you along the way and teach you things that are valuble. You can buy every self help book out there you can understand depression like the back of your hand, you can try every miracle cure you can find, but unless you personally take action against this depression it will never be managable and you'll just be miserable all the time. A professional can be a person who can give you the nudge you need to help you help yourself.

Helping yourself, again you can buy all the self help nuts and bolts you want but nobody is going to help you, until you help yourself.

You seem like a bright kid. And I'm not giving you some faceless compliment to try and kuddle you and make you feel are warm and squishy inside. No, you made some pretty clever, albeit macabre metaphors and you use a lot of vocabulary that most people don't even know. So I'm guessing you're intelligent. Don't waste it! Use it to get you where you want to be in life.

And don't let life pass you by. You can restore any material possession be it wealth, a career, a car whatever. But you can't replace youth. Once its gone, its gone for good and all that you could have done will never happen. So get involved. Find some healthy hobbies. Get active do things that interest you. Volunteer for some extracurricular activities. Get involved in art and music. Just don't waste your time being sad and lonely.

A few more tips:

On girls - dude.... 9 out of 10 times a girl you ask out will say no, unless you are Brad Pitt. It could be because they are already taken or they are just not interested. But if you meet some females, getting involved and all. You can befriend them. Get them to laugh really good and I garuntee you up your chances of getting a girlfriend, ten fold. In the mean time do not let their rejection be a statement on your value as a human being. And just remember they usually say no and those that say yes, usually do not last long. Seriously at your age relationships have a 95% failure rate. So don't try to grow up so fast. Allow yourself to do teenage stuff aside from chasing girls.

On your peers: SCREW THEM. After you graduate you never have to see any of them again. And just wait until after high school, ten years from now when you've become successful and have a wonderful woman and an awesome life. Just wait and see where those people who made fun of you and teased you end up. You'll see. Some will go to jail. Some will get hooked on drugs. Others will loss everything and end up no where in life and not have made any difference in the world. Just keep in mind right now you are practicing at becoming one of those people who goes no where. Now is the time to get help and take affermative action and fight this depression.

And finally - allow yourself to laugh. A quote I heard once said "laughter is the language of the soul". Maintain your style of sense of humor and if you radiate positive energy, others will feel it. Trust me I'm a pretty intense guy and people sometimes not so eager to get to know me, but when they do they see past the "scary deth metal dude" and see me for who I really am. And its because I not only radiate positive energy, I do positive things. One of the most powerful tools for battling depression is allowing yourself to enjoy the humor in life.

Take care and be safe

This post has been edited by Acid09: Feb 5 2009, 10:43 PM

IM NOT DEPRESSED ANYMORE (IMG:style_emoticons/default/sad.gif)

but i would like to ask....

does being confident/optimistic really help....

So far nothing's been happening, and nothing's changed even though i read the whole book and am following it's advice/ your advice.

it's a tad bit easier to talk to people, but that's it.

Fast results rarely exist in such matters. Time, experience and a mature attitude will build you into a confident person. But it is a process that takes years. That doesn't mean there is no hope. In fact to the contrary it means there is nothing but hope - unless you delve back into a state of stagnation and allow yourself to get stuch there.