Hi, first I want to say thank you for your interest and possible help,I've been a lurker here for a long time and... I could use all the help I can get .

A little about me. I'm a ceremonial magician, I started out with The GD , became a Thelemite a few years ago and I've become entranced with Grimoiric magick and old hermetic texts since. Let's just say I've become quite a fan of Lisiewski , having been raised Catholic and being sent to Catholic school I actually resonate quite well with the religious tone of grimoires. So, I've been around the block, but I'm still confused , so I ask for wiser folk to off their 2 cents.


I've had a "shadow man "around me since I was very ,very small. I could sense a darkness coming from my hallway when I was 3. I call it " The hallway at the center of the Universe", lol because there is no apparent reason for a haunting of this sort. The house is just an old ( 40's) California cracker box style house. no history I know of , anyway the entity is...well if it was human it was long ago.

I've dreamed of a cloaked figure since I was a small child,I've night Terrors as long( mostly gone now)

I'll relate my first remembered dream.

small dark creatures are tearing at me , with despair and agony , The cloaked figure tells me " call for Daddy and I'll save you". I didn't know this man, he didn't look like my dad and so I resisted..but at 5 I could only hold out so long. Eventually I called him and he shewed the things away then held me close in a pleasurable embrace ...


Under the cloak he appears Blond, very tall ( perhaps 7 ft.) with a perpetual smirk. He is very interested in Karma,mine and others and seems to have the ability to give people their Karma...slowly or quickly . No more than what they deserve but it can be meted out gently or roughly. He's quite witty and can be terrifying or loving.

He swears to be my " true father " and has since I was a small child .

I've done quite a bit of research and I plan on evoking him personally ( I may have found a NAME ) but I don't want to rely on my most certainly skewed view of him.

If anyone has any thoughts I'd be very interested to hear..and most grateful!


Thank you very much,
Rebelle (IMG:style_emoticons/default/connie_witchy.gif)

Ugh, I'm an awful typist..but trying to improve. Please excuse me


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Rebelle

terrible typist lol - there is a automatic spellchecker in firefox that underlines mispelled words

anyway, your story is very very very very familiar - textbook, even - enjoy the interaction and stop worrying about it

Well I don't have any advice, but hopefully you will write back after the evocation?

Hi Rebelle,

Thanks for sharing the very interesting story. Lots of archetypal images here! In general I'd echo esoterica's comments to "sit back and enjoy." If it becomes too much, you can defend yourself with the LBRP or can ask "it" to go away by the divine names of the almighty. Your "true father" seems to be a positive force in your life though, and it sounds like a good spiritual experience.

As you probably know already, a magician is supposed to test all of the entities that he or she encounters. When you do evoke this spirit, I'd recommend testing it very critically with questions. I'm sure there's a lot you want to know from the spirit that you'll think to ask!

I hate to bring this up, but it's always a good idea to assume that the spirit you're interacting with isn't telling the full truth, or isn't what it claims to be. But for instance, maybe another spirit will appear and impersonate your true father before he actually shows up. Just putting it out there!

Have you practiced any magick and/or evocation before? Not sure how far you went with the G.D. and/or Thelema...



MUHAHA! Yes, me too. I hadn't thought about it that way, but it's SO TRUE!!!!!!

This post has been edited by monkman418: Aug 21 2010, 05:41 PM

...Well, I am a bit skeptical on one count. If he's your father, there should be no excuse for him to hold out when his child is in trouble. Knowing that you are a human being, and that it is human nature for a parent to rush to the aid to protect their children, why did he not wish to relate to you in a way you would be able to comprehend in the first place? Be sure to ask him this. Then again, it is my idea that a good father would throw down the gauntlet, pick up the sword, and start hacking at whatever went after his child. But that's just me. The whole idea of, "Ask for me, and I will give it," sounds good at first, but at second thought, it also resembles the inquisitions: Confess and you will be saved. Yeild and you will be saved. Submit and you will be saved.

That's why it seems, to me, to be a relationship of control, not of love.

But, that's just -one- detail. One must look at the whole in order to make a judgment.

The whole thing looks like good-cop-bad-cop dynamic. For all you know, he could have sent the creatures as a gimmick to give you a reason to ask for help in the first place. Go rough, then offer the gentle, and alternate until they crack and give.

That's just me.

>>I hate to bring this up, but it's always a good idea to assume that the spirit you're interacting with isn't telling the full truth, or isn't what it claims to be. But for instance, maybe another spirit will appear and impersonate your true father before he actually shows up. Just putting it out there!

good point - check out the story of balaam in the bible - he wanted something and kept asking for it, but the answer was always no, but he kept on and on nagging about it, and the answer was suddenly yes...

>>If he's your father, there should be no excuse for him to hold out when his child is in trouble.

unless he needs your 'free will' permission to interfere - seen that before

This post has been edited by esoterica: Aug 24 2010, 03:39 PM

Thank you all for your help! I'm so Glad I'm a member of this forum, you want the serious working magicians when you have a crazy question!


I have most definitely wondered about his true intentions. Was he the wolf master calling off the wolves or is it as the last responder said " he needs your free will permission" .I generally do assume spirits lie , so I check everything I can...but still.
To be honest the Catholic girl in me rears her head and worries about hell, while the magician will take nothing at face value and the child wants to believe, sigh.


I'm most definitely doing an evocation! Actually I'm making a book of power,as seen on this site ..LOL(I'm not done writing in it, that'll have to wait till mercury retrograde is over .) I'm hoping putting him in a book will give a measure of control and facilitate easier communication. I will certainly report back when I'm done.


LOL, It is very Merlin ! Or and traditional "Witch" ( the stereotypical kind, the legendary type ). That in and of itself seems odd... cool but weird. in the world of science we seem to live in. But Ive seen some very magickal things, I think we all probably have since were here =)


I'll give you some quick memories I have of him .He calls himself JAKE or JACQUES ..but I believe, with good reason I think , that Ive found a true name which I plan to make into a sigil .


There was always a presence in the hallway, intense ..palpable . Ive also suffered from night terrors most of my life ... Id generally scream " don't take me! ". My Dad ( physical Dad)was a dabbler, I think he may have opened a door he couldn't close. I thank God I know more than to be a dabbler ! Also.. both my parents had likely fertility problems and were quite old for having no medical help getting pregnant . OH..not to throw anything silly out there but, I don't know what might be useful! Anyway, my Dad is a UFO buff who is convinced were being abducted .... don't know if that matters or not. My parents were rather distant people..and I was lonely and unhappy. I'm sure that contributed alot.


I remember one astral dream I had as a kid ( the same room but now spirits are visible and very 'real' ) in which he said to me

" come to me my child,my favorite child come to me "..hes a bit dramatic.

I said " no " I was actively taught by the nuns to watch for demons, not to trust them, not to trust ANYTHING unless it was the Virgin Mary. That The Devil could look like Jesus or an Angel of light.. I know, in this day and age? Yeah nuns ,at least old ones, are scared of demons still.

SO I said " no " and he responded

" I made you, you belong to me " and he turned his back disappearing, when he disapeared the black creatures descended.. only calling him back got them off.

one interesting thing is that friends of mine knew him as well, except that he never told them he was their father .


When I cried alone he would hold me, when I was picked on he defended me in various ways . He taught me Karma and to trust the universe instead of looking for revenge .


MY Mother died soon after I took my adeptus minor oath, I was still a teen. After hich I would feel hands trying to pull me from my body.. I resisted for months until one night I was tired and not vigilant enough and I was pulled out.
This memory is too much for me to go into in detail.... but Ill say this, I was pulled out and handed to a huge cloaked figure with red eyes who showed me what I could only call HELL... I popped back into my bady and needless to say I didn't sleep that night.


When I was pregnant with my son I saw Jake at the end of my bed, I was outraged because I was having baby and I felt he shouldn't bother me then... I screamed and he was gone ( I completely woke up ,probably) then when I slept I saw a lady in purple. I'd seen her with Jake before in the astral.. a lady completely veiled in purple , Ive never heard her voice or seen her face. This time she had my same nails.. pink and long on the right hand and short on the left( I hate fake nails!) . That made me assume she was a friend and I ran to her and we embraced


Soon after I had a vision of..another world. This time a good one,. One that makes this world pale by comparison( I still cry for it on very bad days ). Jake was with me and he loved me completely...this was the first time I really felt unconditional love ...my son being the first time i really believed I was loved,though I didn't know it until that moment I looked into his little eyes.


a few years later I saw Jake again, he was darker than in the Heavenly world but friendly. this time he said I wouldn't ever have to be hurt again because " I was more like him now "



Thank you for listening... These things have plagued me for a long, long time and I honestly appreciate all your wisdom.


Rebelle

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Xenomancer - I know this thread is basically over, but I just wanted to point this out for the sake of others who may read it.

My father demands absolute control over my life and I hate it. Our relationship is essentially frigid and he shows no affection for me. EVER.

That said, if anyone (adult, not my age) hurt me, he would go after them and... errr.... crunch? (IMG:style_emoticons/default/oops.gif)

Fathers do demand absolute control for the most part - but on the basis of love, if you get my meaning.

Love would mean he saves you because he's risking losing you.

Control means he saves you because he has no one to control if you are gone.

One is a philosophy is based on risk: Child risks trust in parent; parent risks trust in not being betrayed by the child. This father saves the child because the child is an emotional investment. A risk that he put his all into.
The other is control: Parent controls child, but for what? Control of child has no real purpose other than an exercise of power. This father may save the child depending on whether or not the child did well in giving him a feedback response to his ego and power.

tl;dr: Ethics class was AWESOME.

I'm going to guess I work with completely different terms here, so, just really fast, what do you mean? How do you define karma, and what occurs when he gives and takes 'karma'?

Thank you for the question! I should have known not to use fuzzy words like karma .

I should have said he was interested in justice and was not shy about meting it out. Now it was applied gently rather than harshly in all cases I can recall. When I was a child it might a kid who was extremely mean having something ironic happen in relation whatever happened to instigate the situation. No real damage, it seemed like the intent was that a lesson be learned...but I could be wrong. As I got older he's helped but only when it was needed and he's fairly gentle in my opinion mostly just removing people from my environment if absolutely needed.


I hope that helps,

thanx again Rebelle.