This is a thing I wrote for a friend in the UK that is a horror writer. He's a secular Jew and one of those cynical Jewish atheists that always end up with emotional problems. All my friends are gay artists except one straight woman who is a writer, and we kind of have like a support group. I have a sort of system that I work by and I was telling this guy what I do.

I happen to be partly Jewish, possibly had a Jewish mother, and act about as Jewish as you can get, so I'm not making racial slurs. There are two kinds of atheists, Catholic atheists and Jewish atheists, and they're very different types of people. The straight woman is a Catholic atheist and she's just a hoot - but we all struggle a little bit.

I have a tendency to go mad and embarrass myself online, my friend in the UK likes Adavan when he can't take it anymore, the lady who I talked about before has a tendency of mixing large amounts of wine and stimulants. I go down to the bar for a few beers, but it's really my anti-social behavior that gets me.

Anyway, here's the kind of stuff I do. More later perhaps?

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Alright, so you get to hear my wonderful mad theory about the Bible. In my opinion, every time you read a piece of literature of any value, or listen to a wonderful piece of music, you assimilate parts of it into yourself. In my opinion, there isn't anything that can't be assimilated by reading the Bible. If I were you I'd start with Psalms.

Break into roughly 7 or 8 sections and read it slowly. Take your time, don't rush. You can read the Psalms leisurely, but don't expect to get through the 8 sections in 8 days. Shoot for six or seven weeks to complete it. I broke it into 7 sections and have been reading for 5 weeks and have 20 some pages left. While you're doing that, I recommend Matthew. There are anti-Semitic overtones, but if you interpret it a little personally, I think you'll see how it applies to people in authority more than anything.

That one might take you two or three weeks. Once you get started you'll find youself going quickly in the New Testament, and remaining relatively slow in the Old. The Old is far more important and the prophets are a test of endurance. One thing you can do is read short books to clean up things that aren't going to take much time.

Buy an RSV, not the New RSV, the old one, with all the Apocrypha and not just the Deuterocanon. Thank you so much for taking my advice. Everyone I talk to goes and commits suicide after I talk to them. I hate counseling artists, but it's kind of fallen on me to do. If you can't get a good RSV Bible, it's like impossible in the States, then get an NRSV. It's perfectly fine, it's just not as classic.

Okay, now as far as music goes: Agrippina by Handel, an unconventional High Opera; Mozart's Magic Flute, a low Opera; Schubert's Leider about the Winter, Die Winterreise; Haydn Piano Concertos, Emmanuel Ax, Sony Recordings. That is a good way to start. Goldberg Variations, anything on a major label or Naxos, Glenn Gould can be found cheap; Stravinsky's Rite of Spring and Firebird, Boulez if you can get it, or something like Bernstein (very fiery and sloppy) that will appeal to you; Vladimir Horowitz recordings are always good. The Last Recording, The Return to Russia Concert, and the 1965 Performances are very good.

That's very funny that you should say that. Mozart we believe was a hetero, but he was also a bit flamboyant, might have been bi, but you wouldn't say it in front of straight people. Beethoven was a definite hetero, constantly falling in love with young girls in his old age. Bach had a big fat ugly wife and a bunch of kids, and was hetero. Tchaikovsky was out: he is historically known to have been gay. I feel that Haydn was gay and simply was discreet about it, but have never seen a description of his love life.

Tchaikovsky's music is not my thing. He preferred Orchestral works, his symphonies are more like tone poems than symphonies, but he did have a talent for writing ballet. The ballet to get by him is Romeo and Juliet. Try a major label or Naxos, although I have never seen a ballet on Naxos.

Naxos is a budget CD record label that makes very fine recordings. Around here they go for 9.99, but it will be probably be 11 pounds or so in the UK.

The thing to remember with art music is that when you buy a recording you need to buy a recording that is done well. There are guides to help you buy them, and one trick is to leaf through the guide in the book section and then go over to the CD section and pick out one that rates well. Art music is kind of like any good piece of art. My recommendation is to turn it on so you can hear it in the background while you go around the apartment and do other things, and just let it sink in. Eventually you'll find the stuff you like.

I also recommend that you occassionally buy a 3.99 "classical sampler" with some pieces on it you've never heard before, and then you can branch out and buy whole recordings of the things that struck your fancy.
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