Well as usual I feel better in the morning. I got maybe 6 hours of sleep, and I'm not looking forward to this evening. I realized this morning that I drank 13 bottles of beer yesterday. There is no excuse except one: I cannot handle reality right now.

I was thinking that maybe all of this was a result of some human curse, but I really don't think so. I think it's the result of a spiritual curse. Gnosticism believes in that kind of stuff pretty heavily - Archons and so forth - and I'm pretty sure that's why I'm getting what's coming to me.

I'm mad. I put that in my journal yesterday. I have no clue what is really happening in my life except my immediate surroundings, I'm completely cut off. That's madness.

It's storming here right now - nice touch. Just to close, don't think I never tried light and love with all my might, because I did and it failed me. I'm happier now than I was back then.