I procrastinate.
In fact, I procrastinate so bad, that sometimes I think I may be a masochist. Because I certainly love ruining my own chances of a good night's sleep and passing with flying colours.

I obsess.
I have newfound obsessions in anime and Yaoi and dedicate most of my time roaming forums or looking through hundreds of fanfictions to fuel this obsession.

I don't belong in that Coven.
I don't identify with my local coven, I have been there and done that, and we don't share the same views. I am naive. I don't know how things work. I need someone to teach me.

I never know the right words.
I lack the ability to communicate properly with certain friends I have not seen in a long time. I say the wrong things.

I find studying extremely difficult.
Because I just can't do it, I don't get it and I'm tired. I don't know why I'm at University, I look into the future and see where I want to be, but I feel as though I have to suffer through the present to get there?

I am disorganised.
My life is completey random. I have weddings, holidays, assessments, parties everywhere. I barely know when anything is.

I am lazy.
Hand in hand with procrastination. I just cannot bring myself to physically do anything.

I have over 2000 words to right in several hours.

I am screwed.

Spirituality is not something that fits into my life right now. How do I make time? Why does time seem to drone on and on when I don't need it and when I do, it's never there.

I have been meaning to start a blog sometime or another.
I forget how completely and utterly naive I am.
I just started University and everyone is coming up to me to discuss their well rehearsed radical ideas, and I still have my 12th grade top of modern history skills; America is bad, America very bad.
And although that works for superficial conversations, I really don't know enough to back up myself in lengthy conversations.
And the hippies! I want spiritual enlightenment, but I've just gone to a couple of coven meetings of which I've stopped going to, I own a translated version of the Bhagavad Gita which I doubt I shall read anytime soon, a heap of stones of which I can't identity, a tarot deck and a bunch of notes from when I was 11 and a big thick book on how all religions are connected from which I can only read 10 pages of before I get so so so bored.

I think I might be rather amateur.


Then the psychology lecturer tells me that the type of psychology I want to do isn't even real psychology and really I should just do counselling.
Even though I got the OP to do something rather smart, I'm stuck in a extremely social course where there is no end job.

And I'm exhausted.
And I don't know how to rid this addiction to myspace, no one comments me anyway.

And I wish I was less materialistic and didn't have to think about lookng good all the time. I wish I could go into a regular salon and get a regular eyebrow wax done, instead of going to a brow bar, or going to a normal hairdresser and getting a 20 dollar cut instead of a 110 dollar cut. I wish I didn't walk into Mecca and want every single colour of the Nars range. I wish my lecturer wasn't so gorgeous and married. I wish that the cute dork in my tute likes me and not my best friend because she already has a comprehensive list.

I WISH THAT I COULD GET THROUGH BIKRAM YOGA WITHOUT BITCHING.

And I especially wish that my sociology tutor doesn't bite my head off tomorrow.
It's only my third week and I've already screwed up.


Oh but I wish for spiritual enlightenment alot still. It's up there, right next to looking sexy in a peach and gold size 2 mini dress by Wayne Cooper.