Studying the Occult, Your Reasons and Motivations... Options

Occasionally I wonder what got people into studying and practicing the occult, and what kept you motivated doing the rituals?

For me, I started up in my teens - early twenties reading about "new age" psychology of success for several years and read close to 200 books on the related subject from authors like Napoleon Hill, Herb Cohen, Brian Tracy, Anthony Robbins and the likes. My primary questions while studying those back then was,"what makes people different from each other, how do they think differently, why does the rich getting richer and the poor getting poorer - how does their mind works, their characteristic, and habits."

My study and research on the subject educated me a thing or two about how our mind works. What is the subconscious, the uses of it, and how to use it productively.

When I came studying the occult, I found many things which in principles were very similar to what I've been reading in the past and it is simply reworded in different ways and metaphores using various "ancient" aids such as sigil, elemental weapon, herbs, dolls etc.

I found the same principles when I studied and practiced martial art. I learned a few types of the systems, extract it's essence - develop my own fighting system, and proven it in many spar and a few real streetfights that it is IMHO, as effective as a martial artist with a 20 years of fighting experience.

Roses by any other names will smell as sweet. In all cases above - everything seemed to use one core principles, one master key to unlock whatever doors we're trying to open - that is, if we can interpret and use these laws correctly for each of our unique challenges and endevours.

Some may call this cosmic laws, the water will always seek to flow downward and this simple fact seems indeed very simple - yet extremely complicated to fully grasp. The more I know about something, the more questions will arise, and the more I even acknowledge how much I do NOT know - how much more knowledge out there. Infinite. It's like trying to pour the all waters of the oceans into a one very small cup. What an extremely pea brains we have with a foolishly BIG human ego and we can never study and know everything in an even ten lifetimes.

Hunger for knowledge, intellectual and spiritual enlightment is my motivations in my studies and practices (and also means to fulfill my worldly needs, lusts and desires (IMG:style_emoticons/default/bigwink.gif) )

How about you?

It started for me in my teens as well. I found a book on creative visualization and that started it all. It came to a head after I joined the freemasons and they put me on to the Qabballa in a serious way. That led me to the Golden Dawn and that was that.

I remember being a big fan of the Kung Fu TV series when I was little. I also became aware of Bruce Lee in my early teens. Boy that dates me. I remember black and white TV. I started Karate when I was 13. It was the only martial art availablle at the time in my area. I continued reading and practicing about martial arts all through my teens. I suppose that I wanted to be able to kick ass, and was also fascination with the mystic/occult side of things. I became what I call a 'kung fu bum' going from school to school, learning parts of a dozen systems but never learning one whole system Then after I got my first degree I got a chance to teach English as a Second Language in China. I thought it was a good fit for me. I already spoke Mandarin (badly) and knew a lot about Chinese traditional culture and history. It wasn't quite what I had expected, but I did find some Qigong and Taiji teachers who taught me a fair amount. I was there for 3 years, married a Chinese woman and came back in 1989 in the midst of the Tian An Men Massacre aftermath. My then wife got me in good with the local Chinese community and I managed to joiin an all Chinese Taiji group. I started to manifest some sensitivity to qi around then. I also joined a class with a well known Taiji teacher. He actually taught me the most. I eventually became the senior student, , then taught classes for him.
But what really got me serious about it all was a car accident. I was pretty badly hurt and went through 2 years of rehab. I remember being rather desperate to get well. I was used to being active and healthy. I was still in my 'warrior mode.' Being crippled didn't fit in with my self image. It got me interested in complementary therapies. I found doctors and physiotherapists were pretty ineffective and defeatist. They kept on telling me that I'd better get used to not being able to walk again. When I improved and was able to limp around they said I wouldn't be able to walk normally again. After 2 years I walked into the doctor's office, tossed my cane and did a little dance. I reminded her of what she had said about my not being able to walk
My teacher was also a very good Qigong therapist among other things and ran a centre. During my rehabilitation he asked me if I wanted to become his apprentice. I had been going through some awesome experiences around then brought on by the Qigong primarily. I was having OOBEs and shamanic experiences. I was able to read people's energy with some accuracy. It was very exciting at the time. Now it just seems normal. Between treatments from him and my own work, I recovered fully.
Besides my regular if not obessive Taiji and Qigong practice, I hung out with New Age groups, and therapists of various kinds and a coven that held classes in the centre, then I rejoined Wing Chun classes. I was a busy boy. When I was about 35 I went back to school to become a therapist. When I graduated, I was hired by my teacher's centre. I finished my apprenticeship eventually. For a long time I just used energy for work and personal health. But I decided that the witches I knew were just using another form of energy work and that spells weren't a waste of energy. I had been steadily 'westernizing' my energy work and saw witchcraft as an expression of this. I've had my differences with wiccans about goals and such, but I did join a British Traditional coven where I still am a member. I like working with groups. It helps keeping me motivated and I especially enjoy group energy work. The High Priest finds me useful because I can raise more energy than the others and not be drained. But he keeps on thinking that I know everything about Asian medicine. Really it would take more than a lifetime to know everything.
As far as being motivated, I come from a family of workaholic perfectionists. I'm not quite a perfectionist but I have high standards for myself I don't have to be the absolute best, but I have to be among the best. Like most of my family I can be pretentious. Its how I was raised. But unlike the rest of my family I can see how I have that tendancy and can laugh at it. Okay, sometimes I cringe a bit. My friends are almost all either therapists, witches or martial artists. Some are a combination of the above. It seems that I take it in with every breath. My motivations are mostly internal. Some of it is probably neurotic. I do enoy a lot of the challenge though and friends are an external motivation. I've also always read a lot and have a lot of curiosity. It seems that when I answer one question the answer gives rise to a number of other questions. Its like a self perpetuating series of quests.
This has been a rather long-winded post, but I was finding the review of my past 20 years or so interesting to put down in words. I guess I have been a busy boy.

It started during my pre-teens when I expierenced various paranormal phenomena which kept increasing. At around 15-16 I started to delve into the paranormal and experiment with a lot of stuff like automatic writing and learning to astral project at will and such. At this time I was anything but religious or spiritual, but the more I learned about ghosts and entities I noticed that there was a link.

Then I started to learn everything about the 5 major religions on this planet and a few smaller ones. At this time I was active with energy work in general according to practices from India combined with some new-age esoteric stuff. I started to do a lot of calling and working with entities but never needed any rituals. I started to study reiki intensively untill I reached the master degree. Started with Tarot and other divinatory means and basically grew from there.

However the new-age way is not my way so went looking for something that was more ment for me. I got involved with a cult group which I left quickly after 4 months. Still I didn't let them bother me and went to study the occult. For me it is difficult to perform certain rituals for enochian or goetia because...why would I when I can summon them just as easily and control them just as easily without ritualistic means. Still I do study the symbolism and psychological effects that rituals have, but esoterically they have no added use and thus I can say wholeheartedly that people make it more complex then should be. But that is their way of doing it so be it.

The reason I study anything energy/magick related is because I want to control my abilities more, develop them more, understand myself better and grow as a human being by having something decent to define myself by, a source of information presented in a way that it appeals to me. Seeing that everything in life basically tells you the same things except using different terminology and using different methods...well all you have to do is finding something that speaks to you. This can be various religions, life philosophies or science.

My occult studies began when I noticed that the vast majority of others’ explanations for reality were irrelevant for my experiences.

I learned how to regurgitate what was necessary for successfully passing academic exams – and I learned how to seem like I was raptly listening to supposedly sage advice from adults regarding what they insisted I am, and what they insisted my life’s purpose is – yet all the while I privately pursued magickal explanations for reality that were relevant for my experiences.

What motivates me for such studies, and for exercising my abilities via ritual work, is akin to what motivates me for studying health and exercising my bod via gym work:

I intensely enjoy the personal and interpersonal rewards that come from being in, and progressively refining, superb shape.

My Studies actually started at the age of 6, when I saw an add for "The Power of Witchcraft", by Gavin and Yvonne Frost. Over the years i have studied dang near everything...mastered none of course...lol.

Now my main focus is on Ritual magick and Summonig Spirits. My entire "religious" life has been strickly Occult based. i love it and wouldnt want it any other way. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/smile.gif)

Joe

This post has been edited by jmichael: Apr 15 2006, 07:46 PM

For me, the main reason to start being interested in the occult, was that I found it to offers explanation to incidences, starting from my early childhood, like having a feeling of or communicating with a presences and also other situations, which my environment (parents, relatives and family friends, mostly back then) in most of the cases, would refuse to discus, by simply ignoring them or saying that it was my imagination, but for me were real and clearly distinctive from things that I knew that I were imagining. (I am perfectly aware of the possibility of being wrong in my judgment about that, but still somehow I don’t believe that I am).

When somewhere around 12-13, I started systematically reading, very quickly, my choice of books, to everybody’s absolute dismay, was turned to this direction. I needed answers and in process of getting them, just got more questions. And results. And that is another reason. Whenever I would experiment practically with something out of need or fascination, usually, if I would insist enough, I would have results, even if sometimes not in the way I expected or wished for.

So I think that for me the main reasons, for starting was need for affirmation for things that people around me would say is impossible and I knew that were happening and answers for the same things that people around me would rebuke me for being interested in and refuse to discus. And for continuing : need for more answers and seeing the results.

Christianity drew me to the occult. I found the church's teachings to be contradictory and often times illogical. At age 12 I went to the next religion I really even new the name or could even spell - satanism. While most of the info I found was bias it opened my eyes to a variety of other concepts and words that I began to search through. Eventually I started buying books. THe first really good book I bought was Bill Whitcomb's "The Magician's Companion". I began to do more than just study I actually practiced and eventually I ended up with a small library a well of knowledge and experience under my belt. For now I must say that the path I've taken has been much more fulfulling than my christian roots.

Easy - I'm a psi-vampire. Studying the occult is a way of understanding the fullness of what that entails, and how I can further myself. So while I don't generally extend into the ceremonial, things to do with energy manipulation and philosophy are the areas I play with.

Plus, I just randomly get passing spirits who want to bug me (either by assaulting me, or by just standing there and watching me, which creeps me out to no end), and it helps me deal with those too.

to be honest, i´ve never had any real experience. i´ve just started cuz i´ve always wanted to know more and more about everything. i think the first book i read was the Warrior of the light (O Guerreiro da Luz) from Paulo Coelho (brazilian writter), the true is that was the worse book i´ve ever read, but this help me to keep studying

I started seeing advertisements when I was 9 in the back of my mom's UFO magazines for "Earth Power" and "Love" amulets. I finally settled on "The Magic Power of Witchcraft" by the Frosts. It was harried for the several weeks since I had to "beat" mom to the mailbox and spirit the book away. (My family were staunch Catholics) My very first (healing) spell worked like a charm as my bad case of poison ivy disappeared three times faster than normal. When I moved to Los Angeles after college I took up the study of ritual magick ala Qabalism.

This post has been edited by Sojrn: May 28 2006, 02:58 PM

It started for me when I was bout 5 years old, my father was terminally ill in hospital. On this day I had gone to visit him with my mother and she had gone out of the room with the doctor. I saw my father get up out of the bed and walk out of the room and I ran after him asking him where he was going. My mother stopped me in the hall and asked me where I was going.I just pointed up the hall as I saw my dad turn to me and wave and blow me a kiss. My mother took me back into my fathers room, he was still in the bed and she told me he was sleeping. I never saw him again.
Not long after this I started school. I used to walk home with some older childeren and as I went past this park there was always a very elderly nun sitting on the bench and she would wave at me and smile as I went past. One day the other childeren were teasing me and took off. As I walked past the park she was there and she called me over, I did not even think that it was strange that she knew my name, I was such a trusting little girl. I spent hours talking to this lady and she dried my tears and talked of my father. Naturally when I got home my mother was furious and asked me where I had been. I said I was talking to Esther from the church. She grabbed me by the arm and took me up to the church where the nuns lived, of course there was no such person. My mother had me physcologically assessed on recommendation of the priest and from then on I was made to attend church every weekend. I remember my mother and grandmother had a huge falling out over this and they did not talk for months. I was not allowed to see my grandparents either. I went to church and I questioned everything, and I was conditioned that little girls were to be seen but not heard. If I saw anyone that was not there I would get a belting from my mother and later my step father, so I stopped.
As I got into my teens I become very difficult and I quite often struggled with my inner knowledge of the "other world". I ran away from home several times, started to use various substances to ease my pain and confusion. Home life was not going so well, so when my mother advised me that we were moving interstate I refused to go and ended up with my grandmother. My grandmother was what I would now refer to as a closet witch, she taught me all the basics she would make powders and tinctures and home remedies for every thing under the sun.She taught me how to quite my mind and meditate. When I was about 15 years old I found her tarot cards and got them out and just started to read them like I had always been able too. She caught me and took them off me saying that it was too dangerous and I was not ready yet. That is when the thirst started, I could not get enough information into me. I went to libraries(unfortunately there was little readily available information back in those days), I meditated, I worshiped nature and I begin to think about things very deeply.I started to hear things, get little valuable snippets of information. I started to see and feel spirit again.I found that I had to ability to make things happen when I used will and concentrated. I always seem to meet the right people at the right time from then on, people who helped me get to where I am on my path now. It seems like I am the one helping others now, people are always crossing my path. Just recently I started a new job and I thought to myself I will not be telling anyone there about what I do. One of my co workers said to me after about a month "your a witch aren't you?" . I felt comfortable in saying yes, she said she knew the moment she saw me and asked why I had not said anything- I just said because you already knew. Turns out she needs some help too.

The only motivation I have for this is I do not know how to be anything else. It is who I am and who I have always been.

It started for me when I was bout 5 years old, my father was terminally ill in hospital. On this day I had gone to visit him with my mother and she had gone out of the room with the doctor. I saw my father get up out of the bed and walk out of the room and I ran after him asking him where he was going. My mother stopped me in the hall and asked me where I was going.I just pointed up the hall as I saw my dad turn to me and wave and blow me a kiss. My mother took me back into my fathers room, he was still in the bed and she told me he was sleeping. I never saw him again.
Not long after this I started school. I used to walk home with some older childeren and as I went past this park there was always a very elderly nun sitting on the bench and she would wave at me and smile as I went past. One day the other childeren were teasing me and took off. As I walked past the park she was there and she called me over, I did not even think that it was strange that she knew my name, I was such a trusting little girl. I spent hours talking to this lady and she dried my tears and talked of my father. Naturally when I got home my mother was furious and asked me where I had been. I said I was talking to Esther from the church. She grabbed me by the arm and took me up to the church where the nuns lived, of course there was no such person. My mother had me physcologically assessed on recommendation of the priest and from then on I was made to attend church every weekend. I remember my mother and grandmother had a huge falling out over this and they did not talk for months. I was not allowed to see my grandparents either. I went to church and I questioned everything, and I was conditioned that little girls were to be seen but not heard. If I saw anyone that was not there I would get a belting from my mother and later my step father, so I stopped.
As I got into my teens I become very difficult and I quite often struggled with my inner knowledge of the "other world". I ran away from home several times, started to use various substances to ease my pain and confusion. Home life was not going so well, so when my mother advised me that we were moving interstate I refused to go and ended up with my grandmother. My grandmother was what I would now refer to as a closet witch, she taught me all the basics she would make powders and tinctures and home remedies for every thing under the sun.She taught me how to quite my mind and meditate. When I was about 15 years old I found her tarot cards and got them out and just started to read them like I had always been able too. She caught me and took them off me saying that it was too dangerous and I was not ready yet. That is when the thirst started, I could not get enough information into me. I went to libraries(unfortunately there was little readily available information back in those days), I meditated, I worshiped nature and I begin to think about things very deeply.I started to hear things, get little valuable snippets of information. I started to see and feel spirit again.I found that I had to ability to make things happen when I used will and concentrated. I always seem to meet the right people at the right time from then on, people who helped me get to where I am on my path now. It seems like I am the one helping others now, people are always crossing my path. Just recently I started a new job and I thought to myself I will not be telling anyone there about what I do. One of my co workers said to me after about a month "your a witch aren't you?" . I felt comfortable in saying yes, she said she knew the moment she saw me and asked why I had not said anything- I just said because you already knew. Turns out she needs some help too.

The only motivation I have for this is I do not know how to be anything else. It is who I am and who I have always been.

I was very moved by your story and had tears in my eyes for the little misunderstood lonely girl within you and I am happy that you have found your path and good luck to you. I am still searching for mine. there are times when I feel there is something different about me but its just emotions, nothing else. I have no powers, nothing, just an urge to learn and help others. I have learnt reiki and its taught me to be humble and helpful. I hope you always find happiness around you.
I have read a lot about occult sciences and they fascinate me but I dont know whether this is for me or not. I know that the powers can bring me all that I need but I am still fighting within myself if this is my path.
I dont know anybody who is on this path, who could guide me so I am relying on my inner self and my Higher spirit for guidance. I hope to find answers soon.
Feeling closer to God is all I want.

My Grandmother used to play a game with me called "Red or Black" in which she would hold up a playing card, and ask me to feel whether the card was red or black. She taught me that red feels hot and black feels heavy. She was big on teaching me to develope my intuition, told me to always trust my gut and listen to my dreams (our family has a history of prophetic dreams). Later I found out that my Grandmother had been a "witch" (as my family put it) and that she was very, very psychic. I remember her once being chastised by the family for knocking on a grave and speaking to a dead relative. She said that if you knock 3 times, and ask a question, that question is answered in your dream. The family, being largely Xian, warned her that she would go to hell if she kept it up. She has since cooled oout on the occult quite a bit, but I am going strong...
By the time I had come along, she had given up the practice, but always held true to psychic development. So, I guess I've been in it since the beginning...

This post has been edited by Makavelli: Aug 2 2006, 12:11 PM

since i can remember ive been interested in the paranormal and occult, i remember when i was 3 making my own spellbook (although not practical) for no reason aside from the fact that i was infatuated with the subject. Its the element of mystery and thirst for more answers as more questions come up. I was also inspired when learning of evokation, the communication with a spirit would for me be a confirmation of my beliefs and inspire me to further expand my research on the subject.

Until I was 13, I had been going to a christian church. I never really thought about what I was following, but when I did, I began to realize that it just wasn't for me. I was a huge fan of Satanic metal, so i found it strange how people could follow Satan after being told all those years that he was the one who was supposed to kill us all. So I started reading things about satanism, like the Satanic Bible. That book introduced me to "magic", and i was interested in learning more. I eventually converted to satanism, and came to this site, and began to read.

My interest started when I was very young, around 9. I was extrememly fascinated with Greek and Egyptian mythology that I was learning in school, as well as the Christian mythos I was exposed to at home. I was convinced even at that age that there was more going on than what I'd been told. I was very mature for my age, and I often got 'feelings' about people and places. I could read very easily how people were feeling, and at times thinking, and throughout my life I've absorbed the emotions of those around me, much to my dismay. This combined with my fascination with myth and the spirit/energy worlds led to me being the weird kid at school and in my family(which were very Sunday Christian and extremely against anything psychic), I always felt different and detached from the people around me. It was hard for me to understand why they didn't think more of these things, why they seemed oblivious to it while it was almost all I could think about. When I was 13 I was hospitalized for some time (about 3 months) and while I was in there a friend of the family came to visit me. She gave me a small citrine point and a book about crystal healing and that seemed to hint at what I always had a sense of. After I got out of the hospital I started frequenting crystal shops and browsing the book sections which brought me to Wicca. I spent the years till I was 18 practicing solo craft. I had a lot of issues with depression and anxiety, which I think had a lot to do with my empathy. I found crowds overwhelming, being around anger would make me angry and such. As soon as I was able and old enough to join a Coven, I found a local BritTrad and joined, they helped me learn shielding techniques which greatly lessened my psy-sponge tendencies. I've sinced left the Coven and continued my practicing on my own. I'm an avid reader of occult books, so during that time I tried all kinds of rituals and techniques, Shamanic journeying, evocation, Qabbala, Reiki, Buddhist Meditation, Chaos magick, etc. I feel like there's something I need to find, and I won't leave any occult stone unturned until I do. I study to better understand myself through the different frameworks provided by all these systems, ways of organizing the universe and thereby clarifying myself. I wish to understand the phenomena I've experienced and seen, hauntings, miraculous healings, spells working extremely well, empathy, precog and such. There's so many different concepts about what's out there, and through studying them, I can (hopefully)piece together my own.

I literally grew up in the middle of nowhere to the extent of no electrisety or hot water which ment that i had to make my own entertainment. Because of this i was reading by candle light at the age of 3. I found a book of Egypt ian history on my fathers bookshelf and was so facincted by the idea of the gods that asked for more books. These gave me a lot of answers to questions i had about my own experiences. From there i started asking for books on mythology which i got without to much trouble. This lead me to religious books and finally books on the occult. (I had to do a lot of debating to get the latter) I continued reading and had my first encounter with like minded people when i was 14. (unfortunately they leaned toward evil and i ended up in some sticky situations). We moved again when i was 15 and i met two girls who also had an interest. We experimented with lots of different aspects and a year later decided on Wicca. I stuck with it for 4 years until i felt that it had to many limitations. It was then that i met my mentor and started to use the power of the mind. I have never looked back.