Dont read... just needed to put it out, something I just needed to vent out Options

This is the letter I should have written to my dad instead of the one I just sent.

Dear Dad~
You were never there my whole life and now you want to spend time with my daughter and spoil her after you aquired 1 mil for the sale of real estate that you would have never aquired if you would have stuck it out with my mom. Instead you remarried and thats cool but you had no active involvment in my life untill I sought you out when I was 17 and everything was honky dorey and now you want a part in mine and my daughters life... I fucking hate you, Im bitter and angry for the years of abuse my step-father inflicted upon me, the mistreatment by my mother for being your daughter and not Jims... YOU WERE NEVER THERE YOU f%*!. I spent an eternity in hell and you wernt there... I heard rumors and speculation about you and that was it, no calls no cards worst of all no kisses and hugs from my own father, not only do I have abandonmeent issues from this but also I have so much animosity towards men because of you... When I came to you at 17 about the mistreatment by my mom and step-dad WHO BLAMED ME FOR RUINING THEIR MARRAGE... not just blamed but abused me for it. You listened to my mom and made me stay in a shitty situation instead of rescuing me like you should have... instead I had to run away and stick it out on my own, I'll be honest though I've been passed through the flame unlike any other child in this family and I'll tell you I'm proably the strongest willed most world capable child you know. Yeah so I'm a bit jaded and callous but go look in the mirror Carey because if you had been there maybe some of that could have been prevented. So you are now wondering why I'm sending this letter, well it seems as if you want to play an active role in our lives now... and it seems as if all my brothers and sisters have recived "gifts" so I'll demand mine, yeah so money dosent fix anything but its a fucking good start, It wont buy back the years of abuse and the fact I cant think of NOT ONE good childhood memory, just being afraid or crying and wondering why my daddy didnt want me. It dosent buy back all the tears or sleepless nights I spent wondering why you didnt love me.It dosent stop the insults from my brothers and sisters from my mom and stepdad replaying in my head when I screw up... But like I said its a good start... and an apolgy for not thinking once about me all those years... I'm still doing meditations and will be thanks to you for the next 50 some odd years for the pain of your carelessness to be erased... maybe I'll spend the 20,000.00 in therapy. All I'm asking for is 20,000.00 not a new fucking house like Damien or a new luxury car like Chrissy, nope just 20,000.00 to go to school and start up a new home based business, not something to just twiddle away but something so I can do something that will last and so I can pass it on to my daughter. So she can have something when we arent here anymore.I'll even pay you every dime back so I'll never have to owe you anything, I'm just asking for help, and since you have never given me ANY EVER I'd expect some now, you never did a damn for me... if you want to make up for it so much... then do it... otherwise I'll keep writing you off as a slacker dad... hey think of it as all those years of child support you never had to pay THAT YOU FUCKING SHOULD HAVE... finally being paid to me who could use it. In closing you owe me... or f%*! off and die.

Your daughter that you carelessly cast away before you ever knew her,
A-

Well Since 56 of you read it anyway I thought I'd add an addendum... My dad is still a you know what. But thats ok at least now I know and I find peace in that knowledge. I am no longer ignorant to it and I will be able to move on with the knowlege into my life. I for too long imagined a redeemer and a savior father who would be kind and loving, I spent several years disillusioned and now that I am no longer I feel at peace and happy and I can now move on to do greater work. It feels as if an albartross was lifted off my neck and a cross I bore for too long was dropped. I have work to do none the less and I will post it here in another thread. I suffered alot fron the issues that came along with the package I chose this lifetime, always with the knowledge it would be overcome this lifetime (yeay I'm doing it in my twenties instead of my fifties) I spent a week in heartache but I'm back now, Thank you all!

Amanda/ Justice

I am glad for you that the catharsis of writing of your pain has helped to relieve it. Maybe it is time to think of your Dad in another light as he too might have some unresolved issues that he is unable to face with any comfort.

But the important thing is your relief and realisation of your freedom. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/starspin.gif)

Nice job. That really inspired me.

It was good to get that off your chest, and to show your true feelings, keeping things inside isnt good, it also made me think of the problems im having with my dad too, good job justice angel