I Die In My Dreams, a recurring, specific death... Options

I am not a person who fears death, thinks about it very often, etc. When I do think about death, I think of it in terms of dying old and gray. Who doesn't? I mean, if they do.

I have had two dreams now, with recurring symbolism, in which I die. I'm shot in the head both times. Different kinds of guns - the last time was a rifle of some sort, this time a shotgun. Both time from men in black vehicles - a van before, this time an SUV.

The first dream, I'm on a playground with my sister when she was pregnant - I had the dream while she was pregnant - and we're both adults, and I'm chasing her kind of, like we were kids. She it's dusk outside, and she's jumping off of something and I tell her that's not safe for the baby, and she explains about how there padding inside the womb and the baby will be fine. I'm about to explain that I don't think that's true, when a black van pulls up to the edge of the playground, and the doors start to open. I start to yell for her to get down, when I am shot. Everything turns to slow motion as I fall down, and my vision goes black and white. I can hear her screaming in a muffled way as I fall, but I never hit the ground. I'm starting to fade out in a weird sort of 'pulling back' way, and the last thing I think is about her baby, then my friends Allison and Marcus. I wake up before I 'pull out' all the way, before I die. This was in about february of last year.

This second one I woke up from a few minutes ago. I was driving around some town in a taxi, trying to get to the top of some mountain where people were going up in a kind of ferris wheel contraption through the water fall to the top. I don't recall a reason for wanting to get there. We're driving past a playground, and I'm frustrated that he's taking the long way around. I explain where I want to go, and he says "yeah, I can take you there." But we get on the road out of town anyway. I tell him I want to turn around and go back to town, and he says okay, then passes by several opportunities to turn around. I complain again, cause the meter is going up, and he says he can't just turn around anywhere; then he narrowly avoids a collision from driving on the wrong side of the road. I'm trying to explain to him that if he can break the rules and drive on the wrong side of the road, then he can turn around in someone's driveway. We see a gas station, and I demand that he turn around there. He does, but he pulls up to the gas pump. He gets out and I figure he's going to get gas. I don't see him again in the dream. There's a pump tech there, and he begins washing the windows, when a black SUV pulls up. Some guys that I know from my neighborhood, the kind who sell not-so-legal novelties, get out of the SUV and one of them that I know more personally sees me and comes to the taxi. He opens the back door and gets in, and is making chit-chat, and sees that the other guys - one man and his apparent bodyguard - are talking up the pump tech. He says something like, "Those guys are so slow, you always gotta wait around for them. I'm a lot faster." I agree, they take forever, my 'guy' is much better. Then the pump tech gets in the front passenger seat, and I see the 'bodyguard' open the driver side door. I know something is wrong, and start to tell my friend we need to get out. Before I can act on it, the 'bodyguard' raises a shotgun, some kind of angular sci-fi version of an automatic, and shoots the pump tech. I know I'm next, and I hear my friend saying something like, "No, we can talk about this," and I see the gun moving towards me, so Instead of getting down I lunge forward and try to grab the barrel of the gun and keep it pointed away from me - but the guy pulls the trigger before I can, and I get shot in the throat. I don't feel the impact when I fall back against the seat, and again don't hear anything, my vision goes black and white. This time I reach up to feel the wound, and see blood on my fingers, and say, "Well, Damnit", and my last thoughts are allison and marcus again, holding them in my mind firmly as I start to 'pull back' just like before. Then I woke up, heart pounding just like before, and both times I could still feel a phantom wound, this time where it was, before it was around my temple.

The pulling back sensation is hard to describe. it's like I'm falling away from my perspective into something else. The point where I wake up is when my vision is just tiny dots far away, everything else is black. Both times I felt no fear, and both times I was holding on purposefully to the images and names, specifically, of my friends Allison and Marcus - who are basically my family, and have been for years.

I wanted to post it here because it's fresh on my mind and wanted to get some perspective on dying in dreams, and see if anyone else had had dreams like that. I have theories on what it means, but want to get some other points of view - especially from you, Acid.

peace

When I explore dreams with the theme of dying and say that it has to do with the fear of death it doesn't necessarily just mean the fear of "dying" but the fear of losing those we hold dear and true. In both dreams you found yourself thinking of people you love. Death can also simply represent a fear of change. And I am sure that while you expect to die old and grey, you probably realize that fate might take you earlier than that and the thought of not being able to be there with your family is probably pretty frightening - even if you believe that death doesn't mean you'll be apart forever or that you would still be there in spirit.

The other second theme with dying in dreams has to do with change or transition on the level of the ego. By dying in dreams it is an expression or acknowledgement that change is comming or that it is desired. Keep in mind the change is not like getting a new job or finding new friends or even losing current ones. The change is in personality. It can involve social status, spiritual attainment, or finding yourself in a position with more responsibilty. It can actually be seen as a positive thing in that the old you is progressing into a newer more developed self - ideally. The death can also be a negative theme in that you are changing into someone you do not want to be, perhaps backwards from how you see yourself or simply more self destructive. But the self dying, or rather the ego dying, is a symbol of change with personality, not necessarily with personal environment.

And the third key aspect to dying in dreams has to do with escape. Dreaming that you yourself are dying may represent a desire to get away from things you find negative or stressful in your life, or within your own personality. Dying in dreams is a fairly common theme in people who are addicts or engage in violent, dangerous or self destructive behavior. I think that last sentance probably does not apply to you though.

Now with these concepts in mind lets explore your dreams more thoroughly:

The first dream, I'm on a playground with my sister when she was pregnant - I had the dream while she was pregnant - and we're both adults, and I'm chasing her kind of, like we were kids. She it's dusk outside, and she's jumping off of something and I tell her that's not safe for the baby, and she explains about how there padding inside the womb and the baby will be fine. I'm about to explain that I don't think that's true, when a black van pulls up to the edge of the playground, and the doors start to open. I start to yell for her to get down, when I am shot. Everything turns to slow motion as I fall down, and my vision goes black and white. I can hear her screaming in a muffled way as I fall, but I never hit the ground. I'm starting to fade out in a weird sort of 'pulling back' way, and the last thing I think is about her baby, then my friends Allison and Marcus. I wake up before I 'pull out' all the way, before I die. This was in about february of last year.

I am of the philosophy that dreams can be expressions of aspects originating from both external and internal sources. So when I tell you what I think these dreams mean, apply the meaning to both you, yourself and things going on in your life.

The key things that stand out to me with this first dream are that you are with your pregnant sister in a playground and you die from a shot comming from a black SUV. First off for both dreams the black SUV represents death. It is the catalyst that will end who you are, litterally or metaphorically (as in alter your ego, not your mortality). While you die in your dream from a gun shot, the representation is that you really don't know when or how "death" will happen. Guns are pretty much universally regarded as symbols of masculinity. While it might have little baring, being shot with a gun could mean having your masculinity attacked or challenged by another source.

The playground alludes to a time and place where things in your life seemed more innocent, perhaps naive. Your sister also represents a part of yourself - perhaps reckless and impulsive. So you should ask yourself, how am I (was I, since this was a year ago) like my sister when she was pregnant.

The meaning of the dream, to me, is about changing from innocence to someone who is perhaps a bit wiser, more aware. Perhaps even a paradigm shift. Of course it is possible the dream is simply showing concern for your sister's well being and maybe the thought that a part of you feels unable to protect her from all the world's evil and wanting to change into someone who can do so. Yet dreaming of your actual sister can still represent a part of yourself that you hold dear like your sister.

On to your second dream:

This second one I woke up from a few minutes ago. I was driving around some town in a taxi, trying to get to the top of some mountain where people were going up in a kind of ferris wheel contraption through the water fall to the top. I don't recall a reason for wanting to get there. We're driving past a playground, and I'm frustrated that he's taking the long way around. I explain where I want to go, and he says "yeah, I can take you there." But we get on the road out of town anyway. I tell him I want to turn around and go back to town, and he says okay, then passes by several opportunities to turn around. I complain again, cause the meter is going up, and he says he can't just turn around anywhere; then he narrowly avoids a collision from driving on the wrong side of the road. I'm trying to explain to him that if he can break the rules and drive on the wrong side of the road, then he can turn around in someone's driveway.

For this first part what really comes to my mind is being a passenger in a taxi attempting to go one place but ending up in another. The taxi is a vehical of a part of your own personality that prevents you from really being in control of the direction you take in life; that takes you down dangerous paths you really don't want to follow. I'm not saying your life is out of control or that you are not on the right path, just that a part of you may take you places you didn't intend on ending up at. Ands its not necessarily a bad thing. The taxi could represent gut intinct or personal intuition. Regardless by being a passenger you are being placed into a situation where you are at the mercy of the driver, who does not take you where you want to go.

An alternative to this is that while you want to go one place, you have the desire to be there, the taxi represents a force of your own being who is taking you where you need to go; you're simply resisting this process. Since the main themes for this dream has to do with death - fear or fear of change perhaps I would go out on a limb and say that maybe a part of you does not want to change to a certain extent. When you die in each of these dreams your last thoughts are about those you care about. So maybe the change you fear is growing to become a person who is seperated from these people, distant to them, more like casual friends rather than real family. Loosing that support, that familiarity would certainly seem like "death" to me. But this does not have to be limited to that interpritation either.

We see a gas station, and I demand that he turn around there. He does, but he pulls up to the gas pump. He gets out and I figure he's going to get gas. I don't see him again in the dream. There's a pump tech there, and he begins washing the windows, when a black SUV pulls up. Some guys that I know from my neighborhood, the kind who sell not-so-legal novelties, get out of the SUV and one of them that I know more personally sees me and comes to the taxi. He opens the back door and gets in, and is making chit-chat, and sees that the other guys - one man and his apparent bodyguard - are talking up the pump tech. He says something like, "Those guys are so slow, you always gotta wait around for them. I'm a lot faster." I agree, they take forever, my 'guy' is much better.

Going to a gas station plainly indicates a desire to "refuel", revitalize yourself or your life. The pump tech is the part of your personality who is the self servant, the part that tends to personal needs. He represents a positive quality. Again the SUV represents death, change, transition and any level of fear that might be associated with these unknown factors. The guys who are involved in illegal activities all represent things that hinder your personal progress. Realize while they may do bad things in real life, they may not represent bad things within your self. Just aspects that you haven't explored, dismised or otherwise supressed. So I would not approach these guys as either positive (constructive/progessive) or negative (destructive/regressive) but just neutral. The body guard represents a negative quality, a block that prevents you from really understanding what the thugs represent within your own spectrum of life. The chit chat between the pump tech and the thugs I gather are archtypes within yourself establishing themselves and the pump tech especially is establishing why he is worthy of validation, worthy of respect. I think that is a pretty minor part of the dream though.

Then the pump tech gets in the front passenger seat, and I see the 'bodyguard' open the driver side door. I know something is wrong, and start to tell my friend we need to get out. Before I can act on it, the 'bodyguard' raises a shotgun, some kind of angular sci-fi version of an automatic, and shoots the pump tech. I know I'm next, and I hear my friend saying something like, "No, we can talk about this," and I see the gun moving towards me, so Instead of getting down I lunge forward and try to grab the barrel of the gun and keep it pointed away from me - but the guy pulls the trigger before I can, and I get shot in the throat. I don't feel the impact when I fall back against the seat, and again don't hear anything, my vision goes black and white. This time I reach up to feel the wound, and see blood on my fingers, and say, "Well, Damnit", and my last thoughts are allison and marcus again, holding them in my mind firmly as I start to 'pull back' just like before. Then I woke up, heart pounding just like before, and both times I could still feel a phantom wound, this time where it was, before it was around my temple.

I think the only things that are really important for this part is the body guard going postal, getting shot specifically in the throat and thinking about your loved one's before the dream ends. The body guard really does represent a regressive part of your psyche. Of course I'm not saying it like in the sense that you are clinically insane or something extreme. But on a moderate level the guy probably represents something that is keeping you from really moving forward in life. Him shooting the pump tech shows blatent disregard for what he represents - taking care of yourself. So the body guard is a part of you that doesn't care weather you live or die, its reckless and perhaps inherently violent. When I say archtypes within dreams are positive, negative or neutral I don't mean they are good, bad, both or neither. Only in a very few dreams do such things represent such moral extremes. The point is even though the body guard represents regression and self-destruction don't take it to mean that he's destroying you or causing you harm. He could represent those things. But to the contrary he more likely is trying to get your attention about something else. He's trying to make you deal with something or someone, understand it, come to terms with it and move on. So my take is that the "Death" in this dream represents transition, perhaps a fear of metaphorically being the driver of your own taxi, maybe eveb a fear of change, or again the fear of growing distant between those you care about. It could also be a fear of things you've done in the past comming back to haunt you.

In my experience if you know someone who is involved in illegal activies and they are a pretty good friend the odds are pretty high that either you were or are currently involved in similar things as well, on some level even if its minor. This takes me to being shot in the throat. The vishuddha (throat) chakra is associated with matters of morality, conscience, charisma, comprehension (especially audio) and speach. So by being shot there by this regressive force he may be trying to make you remember or attone for something that you need to correct or otherwise make ammends for. And this can be from anywhere - between friends, family, owning up to something you did wrong and making things right or at least allowing yourself to forgive yourself and move on.

Now getting shot in the temple I would say could represent one or both the sahasrara (crown) or ajna (third eye) chakras. (I appologize if you know the names of the chakras but just for clarification purposes). Either way I would take as a spiritual attack, on yourself by yourself. The source could cover a slew of things related to either chakra. It might be something to look into though. A more western approach to interpreting getting shot in the head is that since that is the seat of the mind, then by being shot there it is an attack on the ego, the individual itself.

The phantom wounds in either case could represent spiritual wounds or places where if we had a person who could see auras would see dark spots or holes instead. Either way phantom wounds can represent guilt, saddness, pain, a longing for something or someone, just something that has not yet been totally healed.

But deffinately some food for thought. I think I will leave it there and see if you have any comments or additional details you would like to add. Or if there are details I overlooked that you want more information on.

Hope that helps!

This post has been edited by Acid09: May 5 2008, 06:24 PM

I had a dream I was playing Russian Roulette with Snake Pliskin from Escape from LA and a bunch of nazis and all the nazis systematically blew their brains out and it was just me and Snake Pliskin left. I knew I was in trouble but I kept playing then I pulled the trigger and the gun went off but I didn't die.