Jesus Hates Smart People, This thing my friend found Options

If Your Child is a Gothic, Reform Through the Lord!
Listed below are some warning signs to indicate if your child may have gone astray from the Lord. Gothic (or goth) is a very obscure and often dangerous culture that young teenagers are prone to participating in.
The gothic culture leads young, susceptible minds into an imagined world of evil, darkness, and violence. Please seek immediate attention through counselling, prayer, and parental guidance to rid your child of Satan's temptations if five or more of the following are applicable to your child:
-Frequently wears black clothing.
-Wears band and/or rock t-shirts.
-Wears excessive black eye makeup, lipstick or nailpolish.
-Wears any odd, silver jewelry or symbols. Some of these include: reversed crosses, pentagrams, pentacles, ankhs or various other Satanic worshipping symbols.
-Shows an interest in piercings or tattoos.
-Listens to gothic or any other anti-social genres of music. (Marilyn Manson claims to be the anti-Christ, and publicly speaks against the Lord. Please discard any such albums IMMEDIATELY.)
-Associates with other people that dress, act or speak eccentrically.
-Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities, such as: the Bible, prayer, church or sports.
-Shows an increasing interest in death, vampires, magic, the occult, witchcraft or anything else that involves Satan.
-Takes drugs.-Drinks alcohol.-Is suicidal and/or depressed.
-Cuts, burns or partakes in any other method of self-mutilation. (This is a Satanic ritual that uses pain to detract from the light of God and His love. Please seek immediate attention for this at your local mental health center.)
-Complains of boredom.
-Sleeps too excessively or too little.
-Is excessively awake during the night.
-Dislikes sunlight or any other form of light. (This pertains to vampires promoting the idea that His light is of no use.)
-Demands an unusual amount of privacy.
-Spends large amounts of time alone
.-Requests time alone and quietness. (This is so that your child may speak to evil sprits throughmeditation.)
-Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an adult.
-Disregards authority figures; teachers, priests, nuns and elders are but a few examples of this.
-Misbehaves at school.
-Misbehaves at home.
-Eats goth-related foods. Count Dracula cereal is an example of this.
-Drinks blood or expresses an interest in drinking blood. (Vampires believe this is how to attain Satan. This act is verydangerous and should be stopped immediately.)
-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources. (Ask your local church for proper programs that yourchild may watch.)
-Plays videos games that contains violence or are of a role-playing nature.
-Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the computer.
-Makes Satanic symbols and/or violently shakes head to music.
-Dances to music in a provocative or sexual manner.
-Expresses an interest in sex.
-Masturbates
-Is homosexual and/or bisexual.
-Pursues dangerous cult religions. Such include: Satanism, Scientology, Philosophy, Paganism, Wicca, Hinduism and Buddhism.
-Wears pins, stickers or anything else that contains these various phrases: "I'm so gothic, I'm dead", "woe is me", "I'm a goth".
-Claims to be a goth.
If five or more of these apply to your child, please intervene immediately. The gothic culture is dangerous and Satan thrives within it. If any of these problems persist, enlist your child into your local mental health center.
~St. Mary's Catholic Church

I love that Ankhs are devices of satanic worship and that Philosophy is apparently a cult. Also that Count Chocula has been renamed Count Dracula by these people. Not to mention that people with different speaking mannerisms and death are both satanic in nature. I also enjoy that people who read this are too damn stupid to realize that if your child claims to be a goth, then your child is a goth.

Don't lose your faith in humanity; we all know that Jesus hates smart people, so these people must be mentally handicapped if they've been brainwashed into symbolically cannibalizing a 2000-year-old zombie that practiced a religion they condemn.

Just saying...

I mean I'm actually a pretty intense unitarian universalist, but what these people are preaching isn't Jesus or Christianity. What I meant by "Jesus hates smart people" is the commercial, church-manufactured version of Jesus, which is worshipped in the wrong way, perceived the wrong way and totally misconceived.

Anyway, I thought you guys might have a laugh at this. Enjoy (IMG:style_emoticons/default/13.gif)

http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=gothics

yep. haters everywhere

"-Frequently wears black clothing.
-Wears band and/or rock t-shirts.
-Complains of boredom.
-Sleeps too excessively or too little.
-Is excessively awake during the night.
-Requests time alone and quietness.
-Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an adult.
-Plays videos games that contains violence or are of a role-playing nature."

This all seems like stuff that normal teenagers do. Hell I know college students that do this stuff. Honestly, I think religion in general has gone a bit overboard with stuff like this.

http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=gothics

That was funny and disturbing all at once (IMG:style_emoticons/default/06.gif)

Lol most of these 'warning signs' I have. Go sleeping excessively and role-playing video games (IMG:style_emoticons/default/laugh.gif)
You made my day ethereal sight

I know!!! Let's play "who's more hellbound?" Whoever has the most wins. Here are mine:
-Frequently wears black clothing.
-Wears band and/or rock t-shirts.
-Shows an interest in piercings or tattoos.
-Listens to gothic or any other anti-social genres of music. (Marilyn Manson claims to be the anti-Christ, and publicly speaks against the Lord. Please discard any such albums IMMEDIATELY.)
-Associates with other people that dress, act or speak eccentrically.
-Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities, such as: the Bible, prayer, church or sports.
-Shows an increasing interest in death, vampires, magic, the occult, witchcraft or anything else that involves Satan.
-Complains of boredom.
-Sleeps too excessively or too little.
-Is excessively awake during the night.
-Dislikes sunlight or any other form of light.
-Spends large amounts of time alone
.-Requests time alone and quietness.
-Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an adult.
-Disregards authority figures; teachers, priests, nuns and elders are but a few examples of this.
-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources. (Ask your local church for proper programs that yourchild may watch.)
-Plays videos games that contains violence or are of a role-playing nature.
-Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the computer.
-Makes Satanic symbols and/or violently shakes head to music.
-Dances to music in a provocative or sexual manner.
-Masturbates
-Is homosexual and/or bisexual.
-Pursues dangerous cult religions. Such include: Satanism, Scientology, Philosophy, Paganism, Wicca, Hinduism and Buddhism.

Top that.

My score is 22.

-Frequently wears black clothing.
-Wears band and/or rock t-shirts.
-Listens to gothic or any other anti-social genres of music. (Marilyn Manson claims to be the anti-Christ, and publicly speaks against the Lord. Please discard any such albums IMMEDIATELY.)
-Associates with other people that dress, act or speak eccentrically.
-Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities, such as: the Bible, prayer, church or sports.
-Shows an increasing interest in death, vampires, magic, the occult, witchcraft or anything else that involves Satan.
-Complains of boredom.
-Sleeps too excessively or too little.
-Is excessively awake during the night.
-Dislikes sunlight or any other form of light. (This pertains to vampires promoting the idea that His light is of no use.)
-Demands an unusual amount of privacy.
-Spends large amounts of time alone
.-Requests time alone and quietness. (This is so that your child may speak to evil sprits throughmeditation.)
-Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an adult.
-Drinks blood or expresses an interest in drinking blood. (Vampires believe this is how to attain Satan. This act is verydangerous and should be stopped immediately.)
-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources. (Ask your local church for proper programs that yourchild may watch.)
-Plays videos games that contains violence or are of a role-playing nature.
-Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the computer.
-Makes Satanic symbols and/or violently shakes head to music.
-Masturbates
-Is homosexual and/or bisexual.
-Pursues dangerous cult religions. Such include: Satanism, Scientology, Philosophy, Paganism, Wicca, Hinduism and Buddhism.

10, or maybe 11

-Dislikes sunlight or any other form of light. (This pertains to vampires promoting the idea that His light is of no use.) - duh, 'his light' would not be the sun, unless the 'he' is Ra (Re)
-Demands an unusual amount of privacy. - damn right, get out
-Spends large amounts of time alone - i am never alone, there are always invisible entities around, some teaching, some just friends hanging out, some even wanting to have sex
.-Requests time alone and quietness. (This is so that your child may speak to evil sprits throughmeditation.) - damn right - see above
-Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an adult. - invisible friends of course, i have no physical friends as i eat them and they run away
-Disregards authority figures; teachers, priests, nuns and elders are but a few examples of this. - f%*! them all, they just want to rape the earth for material possessions and seek desperate trouble so their intervention can come
-Misbehaves at school. - even though i don't go to physical school - my school is the astral plane, and yes i misbehave there too
-Misbehaves at home. - even moreso since the astral plane is my home
-Drinks blood or expresses an interest in drinking blood. (Vampires believe this is how to attain Satan. This act is verydangerous and should be stopped immediately.) - satan be! - actually i am not sang but just psi, and the concepts of both god and satan are merely conforming dogma, in actuality being more like the concept of order and rebellion against that order
-Is homosexual and/or bisexual. - what else is new - half the people in magic are gay

they missed one: -and doesn't watch tv! - no conforming dogma or societal manipulation, and i couldn't care less about being informed about the goings on of this dualistic hellhole - too bad there isn't an astral news channel, or maybe there is: http://www.aasthatv.co.in/index.html

the concepts of both god and satan are merely conforming dogma, in actuality being more like the concept of order and rebellion against that order

That statement is literally dogma. Lets agree to disagree on our dogmas.

This post has been edited by ☞Tomber☜: Aug 24 2010, 05:09 PM

-Shows an interest in piercings or tattoos.
-Associates with other people that dress, act or speak eccentrically.
-Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities, such as: the Bible, prayer, church or sports.
-Shows an increasing interest in death, vampires, magic, the occult, witchcraft or anything else that involves Satan.
-Complains of boredom.
-Sleeps too excessively or too little.
-Is excessively awake during the night.
-Demands an unusual amount of privacy.
-Spends large amounts of time alone
-Requests time alone and quietness. (This is so that your child may speak to evil sprits throughmeditation.)
-Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an adult.
-Disregards authority figures; teachers, priests, nuns and elders are but a few examples of this.
-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources. (Ask your local church for proper programs that yourchild may watch.)
-Plays videos games that contains violence or are of a role-playing nature.
-Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the computer.
-Expresses an interest in sex.
-Masturbates
-Is homosexual and/or bisexual.

That's 18 for me. I wonder which circle of hell that puts me in (IMG:style_emoticons/default/hmm.gif) . Also what exactly falls under "goth-related food"?

That statement is literally dogma. Let's agree to disagree on our dogmas.

Good point.

That's 18 for me. I wonder which circle of hell that puts me in (IMG:style_emoticons/default/hmm.gif) . Also what exactly falls under "goth-related food"?

Apparently Count Dracula is in fact a cereal, and demonic in nature... GOD SAVE THE CHILDREN EATING SATANIC CEREAL!!!