thanks for your help radiant star.
However, i do not see the ego as a necesary thing.
QUOTE
Our own conditioning and resulting thought patterns can be changed, but it is often only temporary since our past is a strong part of our history.
I must say, i do not think that is so.
Our past is a strong part of our history, that much is true. Our history is a part of us, wich is also true. But what part is our history. It is only the memories of it that remain, and while memories may define the ego, they do not define us.
Memories often are chains that cling us, and for one reason only, because we let them bind us.
Another thing that is part of history is the status quo, other people start to expect a certain behaviour from us, and unwillingly, unknowingly, we dance the dance with them.
Unaware of our own folly, of our chains.
The truth is, that history, memories, and status quo have no power or defenition on us. If we were to do something that goes against what people would expect of us, they would just say we have changed, and be extremely surprised.
Meditation brought me in this mess, or perhaps a blessing, because the dark night represents change.
It also showed me how i responded to situations. But i took another approach to these reactions. I changed my reactions. People often comment me on how i transformed into an entirely different person.
What ultimately happened was this.
I took pride in my realisations, and in my magickal skill. I felt that trough my magick i was in control of my life.
Control, blah, control of what, nothing more than maya.
But my ego did not seem to mind, and it kept honouring itself for its precious achievements, pride over it, superiority.
And so it dripped in, until the ego got bigger.
However, the ego is not magickal, and it has no magickal skill, it has almost no skills besides self preservation. So i lost my 'superiority' and suddenly life got a lot darker, being used to a higher standerd.
Thus the dark night came to be...