This is a depleating condition I have been afflicted with for what seems like 3 years now. From my understanding, it is a crucial point in one's life, when the view that one presently held about onesef and realty changes, it completely breaks down. It is akin to the sheding of an outer shell, painful at best, as its roots ran deep within ones persona. It is not ego loss, it is ego shift, and it can be quite a tramatic experience when one has clung to the old ego for so long, so fiercely. Pain is a measure of your resistance of letting go.
And with this, pain and feelings that betray my compassion seems never ending. The ego will no go quitetly, it tends to fight for its existance. It truely has a mind aside, and it believes it is in the right, and it is all that is. The battle wages on, until I find myself mentally exhausted, which in turn leads to physical exhaustion. Meditation, introspection, philosophy, psychology, I have walked these paths. Buddhism -Zen and others, Tantra, Magick of all kinds, eastern and western traditions alike ave walked with me. Yet sleeping in a bed of thorns, with rocks as my pillow, and darkness as my blanket, I know no comfort. I have seen my only enemy, and it is me.
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Human Being: a question which is destined to return to its source as an answer.
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