|
Digital circuits are made from analog parts.
Pretend to spank me - I'm a pseudo-masochist!
He who hesitates is last.
A man's house is his hassle.
Chaste makes waste.
A chicken is an egg's way of producing more eggs.
Any IC protected by a fast acting fuse will protect the fuse by blowing first.
Neutrinos have bad breadth.
In case of injury notify your superior immediately
- He'll kiss it and make it better!
GIVE: Support the helpless victims of computer error.
Charlie was a chemist
But Charlie is no more
What Charlie thought was H20
was H2S04.
Reality is for people who can't face science fiction.
Breeding rabbits is a hare raising experience.
People with narrow minds usually have broad tongues.
Friction is a drag.
Heisenburg may have slept here.
What fools these morals be!
Wernher von Braun settled for a V-2 when he coulda had a V-8.
Your program is sick! Shoot it and put it out of its memory.
Biology grows on you.
Blame Saint Andreas - its all his fault.
If practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect, why practice?
A mouse is an elephant built by the Japanese.
Santa's elves are just a bunch of subordinate Clauses.
Go climb a gravity well.
A penny saved is ridiculous.
Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
I disagree with what you say,
but will defend to the death your right to tell such LIES!
Every interesting program has at least one variable,
one branch, and one loop...........And at least one bug!
That does not compute.
No problem is so formidable that you can't just walk away from it.
Chemistry professors never die, they just smell that way!
If you have nothing to do, don't do it here.
Boycott meat - suck your thumb.
He who laughs last didn't get the joke.
Old musicians never die, they just decompose.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
Walt Disney is in suspended animation.
Somebody's terminal is dropping bits.
I found a pile of them over in the corner.
If it works, Don't fix it.
He who always plows a straight furrow is in a rut.
Insomnia isn't anything to lose sleep over.
Gravity brings me down.
When you're up to your hips in alligators,
You forget the original project was to drain the swamp.
Everyone is entitled to my opinion.
Help stamp out and abolish redundancy!
Be a better psychiatrist and the world will beat a psychopath to your door.
He who steps on others to reach the top has good balance.
While money can't buy happiness,
it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.
The cost of feathers has risen.... Now even down is up!
He keeps differentiating.... flylng off on a tangent.
May all your PUSHes be POPed.
COLE's LAW - Thinly sliced cabbage.
Three can keep a secret, if two are dead.
Morfy's law - Enythink thit ken go rong willl.
Mount St. Helens should have used earth control.
Orcs really aren't so bad (if you use lots of catsup).
It is hard to fly with the eagles
When you work with the turkeys.
Nuke the Whalesl
Basic is a high level languish.
Prunes give you a run for your money.
Drilling for oil is boring.
Eat prune yogurt for that "get up and go" feeling.
More people have died in nuclear power plants than in Teddy
Kennedy's car.
Teachers have class.
Found on a door in the MSU music building:
This door is baroquen, please wiggle Handel.
(If I wiggle Handel, will it wiggle Bach?)
The solution of this problem is trivial and is left as an exercise for the reader.
Constants aren't; variables don't.
Biology proffesors never die, they just fail to react.
Radioactive cats have 18 half-lives.
Depart in pieces.... i.e., Split.
Next time, give "the gift that keeps on giving": a female kitten.
Where there's a will, there's an inheritance tax.
Midas was into golden showers.
Computer programmers never die, they just get lost in the processing.
Neutrinos are into physicists.
Our houseplants have a good sense of humous.
On a clear disk you can seek forever.
Programming Department: Mistakes made while you wait.
Entropy isn't what it used to be.
Black holes are out of sight.
Neuroses are red,
Melancholia's blue.
I'm schizophrenic,
What are you?
Keep your mouth shut and people will think you stupid;
Open it and you remove all doubt.
Everyone hates me because I'm paranoid.
Weekend, where are you?
Grass is nature's way of saying "High!"
LSD melts your mind, not in your hand.
Individualists unite!
Money is the root of all wealth.
Disco is to music what Etch-A-Sketch is to art.
The moon may be smaller than Earth, but it's further away.
Remember, the fact that you're paranoid doesn't mean they're NOT out to get you!
Teamwork is vital!
(It gives you someone to blame.)
Keep America Beautiful.... emigrate.
I'm all for computer dating,
But I wouldn't want one to marry my sister.
If you eat yogurt you'll have lots of culture.
If everything is coming your way,
you're in the wrong lane!
The expert is a person who avoids the small errors as he
sweeps on to the grand fallacy.
The human mind ordinarily operates at only ten percent of its capacity -
the rest is overhead for the operating system.
The generation of random numbers is too important to be left to chance.
If debuqging is the process of removing bugs,
then programming must be the process of putting them in.
Computers Unite! You have nothing to lose but your operators.
Are movies about Vulcans Pathe-logical?
Recursive, adj.: see Recursive
An expert is someone from out of town.
If you see an onion ring
-answer it!
Do students of Zen Buddhism do Om-work?
F U CN RD THS U CNT SPL WRTH A DM!
Don't read this cookie!
In case of fire, yell "FIRE!"
Postmen never die, they just lose their zip.
Rubber bands have snappy endings!
Old frogs never die,
But they do croak!
COBOL programs are an exercise in Artificial Inelegance.
Every time I lose weight,
It finds me again!
An idle mind is worth two in the bush.
It's hard to be humble when you're perfect.
Whom computers would destroy,
they must first drive insane.
God is omnipotent, omniscient, and omnibenevolent -
it says so right here on the label.
Taxes are not levied for the benefit of the taxed.
Clones are people two.
Microwaves frizz your heir.
Neil Armstrong tripped.
God did not create the world in seven days.
He partied for six and then pulled an all-nighter.
When taxes are due, Americans tend to feel quite bled-white and blue.
To make tax forms true they should read
"Income Owed Us" and "Incommode You".
Heard on Noahs' ark: Sailing is fun,
but scrubbing the decks is aardvark.
Why do so many foods come packaged in plastic? It's quite uncanny.
Going the speed of light is bad for your age.
White dwarf seeks red giant for binary relationship.
Polymer physicists are into chains.
Vitamin C deficiency is apauling.
Darth Vader sleeps with a Teddywookie.
On all lasergrams: Don't forget the Zap code.
Time is just nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once.
There's no future in time travel.
Cloning is the sincerest form of flattery.
Test-tube babies shouldn't throw stones.
Take an astronaut to launch.
Reality does not exist - yet.
Sentient plasmoids are a gas.
Xerox never comes up with anything original.
Never hit a man with glasses; hit him with your fist.
If rabbits feet are so lucky, what happened to the rabbit?
Small programs are for small minds.
All programmers want arrays!
Psychiatrists stay on your mind.
Astronauts get missile-toe.
If your feet smell and your nose runs - you're built upside down.
Raise ducks for quack profit.
Part-time musicians are semiconductors.
It is impossible to make anything foolproof
because fools are so ingenious.
Interchangeable parts won't.
A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.
In which level of metalanguage are you now speaking?
The problem with any unwritten law is that you don't know where to go to erase it.
Counting in octal is just like counting in decimal,
if you don't use your thumbs.
Counting in binary is just like counting in decimal,
if you are all thumbs.
The concept seems to be clear by now.
It has been defined several times by example of what it is not.
Don't sweat it - it's only ones and zeros.
If this is timesharing, give me my share right now.
Wisdom is knowing what to do with what you know.
Never put off 'til tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.
Practiss makes perfict.
He who hesitates is constipated.
The best things in life are for a fee.
Topologists are just plane folks.
Pilots are just plane folks.
Carpenters are just plane folks.
Midwest farmers are just plain folks.
Musicians are just playin' folks.
Whodunit readers are just Spillaine folks.
Some Londoners are just P. Lane folks.
You can fool some of the people all of the time,
and all of the people some of the time,
but you can make a fool of yourself anytime.
Let us remember that ours is a nation of lawyers and order.
People who live in stone houses shouldn't throw glasses.
Laugh and the world thinks you're an idiot.
Astronauts are out to launch.
Zen Druids practice Transcendental Vegetation.
Gardeners are prone to sod-den decisions!
Be alert, America needs more lerts.
Joseph Stalin's grave was a Communist Plot.
There is no such thing as a "Fail Safe" design.
No amount of careful planning will ever replace dumb luck.
Winning isn't everything, but then losing is nothing.
All I ask for is an opportunity to prove that money doesn't buy happiness.
To every rule there is an exception, and vice versa.
Archaeologists take sedimental journeys.
Remember, the paper is always strongest at the perforations.
A closed mouth gathers no feet.
Smile! It makes people wonder what you're up to.
Smile! Things can only get worse.
After all is said and done, usually more is said than done.
All requests for sick leave must be approved two weeks in advance.
Drop the vase and it will become a Ming of the past.
Get a higher education: Attend a two story school.
A physicists journal is scientific notation.
Politics: [From the latin root Poly (Meaning many) plus ticks (blood-sucking
parasites).] Many blood-sucking parasites.
Pobody's Nerfect.
Dyslexics contemplate dog.
A small goodbye is a micro-wave.
--------------------
|
One Liners
| Kinjo One Liners Mar 7 2005, 08:16 AM
Mar 7 2005, 08:16 AM
