Am I nuts? Options

Hello, I would like to share a bad experience that I've had
with the dark forces as a child. It has affected me my entire
life, and I am hopeing someone here might have some insight
for me.

Please humor me, I will try to describe events as closely
as I can remember them.

One day, a long long time ago, my mother and I were at
a small musty smelling second hand shop browsing around.

I remember feeling a little nervous and holding my mothers
hand rather tightly and in fact being a bit of a nuisance because
I kept on getting in her way as she walked around.

She brought me to the toy section and told me to stay there
and play nicely while she looked at a few books, and not to talk
to anyone until she got back.

There was many plastic transformers and stuffed dolls and animals,
after a few seconds I had completely forgotten everything and was
happily rumaging around in the bins. At the bottom of one large bin
I found a giant silly looking dog with giant flat black and white plastic
eyes and a silly lopsided stitched grin. I found it rather endearing and
pulled it out and set it down, I remember racing cars up and down
its giant round feet and having a fun old time.

Mother returned and I remember her asking if I found anything nice, and
me replying that the dog was neat, but it was big so it was probably
expensive, but she picked it up and examined it for rips. Since it
turned out to be in pretty good shape all things considered, and also
not expensive, she decided to get it for me.

Mom carried the big dog, and slowly we wandered home picking up
a few more items along the way.

That night after dinner I went to my room to fool around for a bit before
bedtime, and of course was playing with the dog, I remember using it
mostly as landscape for various adventures. After a while I got tired of
it and started playing in a different area of my room.

I dont know what made me do it, but suddently I sat up and looked over
my shoulder and saw that the dog seemed to be staring directly at me. I didnt
think much of it, for a moment I thought maybe I had heard something
because for some reason I looked directly at the dog. It just sat there,
a great giant lump of a thing on the floor.

I got up to go to the bathroom and see what mum was up to, when I came back
the dog was just where I had left it and so were all my other toys, completely
typical situation. So I rummaged though my closet for some other interesting
gear to toy with, when I turned around.. why.. there was that dog, facing me again.
Suddenly I became worried. Left the room and pulled mother into the bathroom, I
can remember even now how I talked to her in hushed tones and felt the gooseflesh
crawling on the back of my neck as I talked to mother about it.

Surprisingly she was completely understanding and not skeptical of my sometimes
overactive imagination. She told me to have a quick bath and get ready for bed, she
would go take a look for herself.

By the time I got out and finished drying off, mom was on the phone, and at her feet
was a large box that she had taped shut. After she finished the conversation and
hung up I asked her if the dog was inside (I hadnt gone back to my room yet). She
told me the dog was inside, and that some friends would come over tomorrow and
examine it for us.

That night was the worst of my life. All night long we heard voices in our living room,
strange voices whose words we could never quite make out. Loud voices, quiet
voices. Footsteps and thumps. We locked ourselves in my mothers room and put a
knife in the doorjam and I can remember praying. I dont remember falling asleep
but the moring seemed to suddenly arrive. We didnt leave our room until mom's
friends rang the intercom box.

Mother told them what had happened that night, I could tell she was still very
shaken, as was I. The fellows took the box and asked mom and me to go have some
breakfast down the street while they took a look inside.

After we came back, all but one man had left the apartment. He explained that they
felt our suspicions had been correct to box the toy up and call them. They had
explained that they also felt strange around the toy, as if it looked at them no matter
where they moved in the room. They told us they had used a knife and gutted it,
pulled its stuffing out, ripped off its eyes, ears, arms, legs, and shredded the skinn
as best they could. I remember them saying how hard it had been to destroy the
toy, and took all their strength.

He told us they had put it in the remains in the dumpster in the ally behind our
apparment. He told us to give him a call if we had anymore problems.

Two days later we still had not experienced any more voices or problems of any kind
and were feeling much much better, until mom asked me to take out the
trash. I had forgotten that they had said the remains were put in the dumpster
behind our house.

So I dragged out two large bags of garbage just as the garbage truck was
pulling into our ally. I remember placing the box beside the dumpster so I could get
high enough to open the lid and heave the bags over the side.

As I opened the lid, and unwelcome face greeted me, the dog. Looking to be
in quite good condition, all things considered. It stared up at me with that same
lop sidded smirk, its flat eyes pointed directly at me.

I threw a bag of garbage on its head and ran. That was the last I saw of it.

Now here is the part that bothers me...

I sometimes feel scared, I cant explain it, but suddently I'll feel cold, and scared
and gooseflesh will crawl all across my skin. Im not a child anymore and I would
like to address these fears and move on with my life.

Are these feelings just trama from my childhood, or am I dealing
with something more?

Does anyone have any insight or possibly some advice for me?

I practise wicca, minor magick, zen, and martial arts.. you would think
that I could deal with this myself, yet sometimes the feeling is quite overpowering
and even keeps me awake at night with a strong sense of fear as if something
is there with me. Something dark and evil.
(IMG:style_emoticons/default/help.gif)

This post has been edited by green_pheonix: Jul 7 2005, 09:46 PM

Greetings Hitman_Chris!
As Radiant Star was implying, you need above 30 posts to 'spell beg' for the info on the Elemental evocation... Please take some time to read over the rules. I'm fairly sure that these didn't change during the crossover from .com to .org. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/smile.gif)

This reminds me of a santa claus doll I used to have when I was maybe 7-8ish the thing itself screamed evil. It had conical shoes wore this typical red and black outfit. It always had this little smile on this face that always seemed to follow me along with its eyes. Were deep blue and seemed to look right through me and into my heart. As though it were waiting for a time when was vulnerable. It used to sit in my room when I first got it. It wasn't long until I tossed out in our downstairs living room. No maybe its just the child's imagination but both my sisters and I could have sworn that when we'd go down to where I had left and then went to do something else when we came back it would always be in a slightly different position. I also had this polar bear who was decorated like a santa doll. But I liked this toy and so it was special to me. I once left my bear with the santa and the next day the Santa was slouched over (like it was hit or beat up or something) and my polar bear was looking right it (like don't even move a muscle). Now I can't sit here and say these toys are duking it out when nobody is looking but I saw what I saw, even if what I really saw wan't true. The simple notion that my bear had "defeated" this santa doll gave ease to my fears. I remember throwing it into the basement and telling it to not come back because I would feed it to my bear. Later that year we had our annual garage sale and somebody else picked up the santa doll and haven't seen it sense.

I think toys collect psychic energy and the energy the collect reflects how they are treated. Whomever had that santa doll last (I think the person at the sale bought it because they said it was really old) had probably not treated it well. Maybe they too were intimidated by it or maybe they were just spoiled and rotten. Chances are if it was old it had absorbed several energy sources. Maybe the doll had gained a kind of life of its own and like all living things wanted to stay alive by feeding off the energies of its owner.

Green Pheonix I think what would really help is if you could remember a toy you had that was special to you. Such a toy would be like the proverbial teddy bear that made you feel protected. Conjure that from your past to embrace it once more and each time you feel afraid -know- that special toy is there, with you, protecting you. Assuming this is a possibility. If not, then perhaps what you could do is get somebody who makes you feel protected/secure to either make you a statue or piece of jewlry that will reinforce that protected emotion. Each time you're alone in the dark and afraid of the shadows that may or may not lay between worlds simply reach for this ward and know you are safe.