Need More Chesed. Options

I just read DANTE'S EQUATION by Jane Jensen and it really relit my interest in Kaballah. Its fiction but pulls from science, math and the kaballah to give a new twist on "ascension" that I have pursued for years.

So anyway I need more Chesed to balance my excessive Gevurah. Any ideas that dont include rituals?

I know little of the tree and these terms, but I was wondering if a pathworking might show up an imbalance - if there was one - I have found sometimes that these ways of working highlight areas of me that are important, in a positive way or showing up things that may be a hindrance to ourselves or others at times; of course, these things can be relative to the situation.

I suppose it is ultimately about thinking things through and noticing our movements towards being overpowerirng or when we were compassionate and balancing it with our own needs.

Still, I have a feeling you know this already, but other members might want the input this basic input.

I know little of the tree and these terms, but I was wondering if a pathworking might show up an imbalance - if there was one - I have found sometimes that these ways of working highlight areas of me that are important, in a positive way or showing up things that may be a hindrance to ourselves or others at times; of course, these things can be relative to the situation.

I suppose it is ultimately about thinking things through and noticing our movements towards being overpowerirng or when we were compassionate and balancing it with our own needs.

Still, I have a feeling you know this already, but other members might want the input this basic input.

The problem is I'm too judgemental. I work in a hospital and love helping people. But I need to stop judging. I've never done pathworking so I will have to google it, thanks.

I should note that I was spending about 4 hours a day praying/meditating a day and it has deepened my communion with God but it has also made me very judgemental. I was doing this for the past six years but stopped a couple weeks ago to take a breather. It seems every insight or mystical boost I gain I get a coorosponding inflation of ego. I suppose I need that Gevurah energy to stick with my path but now I need to soften it with some Chesed.

I may have the answer inside me but I am not letting myself see it. I figure there will be a connection with virtures like if you want to tone down Lust then you first work on Gluttony sicne they are both connected. I wonder what cardinal sin is conected to being too judnemental? Pride? That seems obvious. So what is connected to pride?

I tried to plot it on the tree starting with the gluttony-lust connection. But I have a block. Hence the posting.

I ... love helping people.
I should note that I was spending about 4 hours a day praying/meditating a day and it has deepened my communion with God but it has also made me very judgemental.
I was doing this for the past six years but stopped a couple weeks ago to take a breather. It seems every insight or mystical boost I gain I get a coorosponding inflation of ego. I suppose I need that Gevurah energy to stick with my path but now I need to soften it with some Chesed.

Ok. Meditating and praying do not make you into anything; they highlight areas you need to work on, if you are a jealous type for instance, you will suddenly think you have 'become' jealous, when in fact, it is something that your praying has uncovered.

When we pray and connect ourselves to God, we are asking for our sins to be forgiven, we are asking for a connection the the Truth. That is what we get. We 'hear' the truth our obout our good bits and bad bits and we are forced to face them honestly, in truth before 'god' as it were.

This all sounds really good to me and it is clear that all your years of praying and meditation have begun to yield fruit, that is the opening up and now the wishing to clear the decks of the debris if you like and the acknowledgement of your finer points, like your kindness.

You can call your challenges Gevurah or anything you like if it helps, but if you find you are judgemental, then don't try to rid yourself of it, sometimes good judgement is needed, hone this gift up like a fine tool but save it for where it is really needed. Same with your wonderful gift of being able to reach out and help others, you are using it in a hosptial, where it is needed.

I would not try to get rid of any aspects of your character, just use them more wisely, this comes with experience though and when you look around you, who is there without fault?

I suspect your pain comes the fact that you have been able to honestly face yourself, now comes the hard part of accepting all the different pieces of your self and caring for and using each as best you can.

There is no perfection, only good management.

Hope this helps. I really do.

Rays