Need More Chesed. Options

I just read DANTE'S EQUATION by Jane Jensen and it really relit my interest in Kaballah. Its fiction but pulls from science, math and the kaballah to give a new twist on "ascension" that I have pursued for years.

So anyway I need more Chesed to balance my excessive Gevurah. Any ideas that dont include rituals?

Wow, I've worked in a nursing home and I know how much love and compassion means, specially when you're working with people who don't have the same capabilities as you. A lot of times the employees got so overwhelmed with their work they just got bitter and ended up doing their "job" instead of helping people. Being judgmental isn't overly bad, it's only human nature to draw a first impression (a lot of the way intuition works as well). It's when that judgement gets in the way of actually conversing on a empathetic / sympathetic level with other people that it becomes a problem. You know, assuming one person is an idiot even when they're not and never changing that opinion.

I do remember one instance where my "judgmental" additude was so overpowering. I was working in the nursing home at this time actually, and they hired on a guy about the same age as me (I was in high school at the time.) My first "impression" was this guy was a worthless piece of sh!t and not to be trusted, I don't know why, I just didn't like the guy. I even brought up my concerns with one of the nurses, she scoffed at me and told me that he was a great worker. A couple of months went by and nothing. I still had my "feeling" and was always on the look out for this guy, making sure I knew where he was and what person he was helping. In truth, he was a good worker, always picked up the slack for other people and was always willing to help. But, I still didn't change my opinion about him. In the end people were angry at me for having these feelings towards this good worker and felt I was picking him out and targeting him for some reason. I loathed this guy. I even let him know it. In the end, it turned out I had every right to hate this guy and not trust him. He was a thief who stole from the elderly and sexually assaulted/raped many of the women there.

Yes, this is more so an episode of intuition. But I believe that if I didn't make that first judgement, I wouldn't have had any ideas and possibly would have gotten myself in a problem of my own. Having more love and compassion is as simple as putting yourself in the other people's shoes. You see, the people thought I wasn't being fair to this guy, but in truth I was more concerned with other's well being than being nicey nice to him.

Maybe a part of your problem is you've seen too many people working on the bad side or being selfish in dire situations that you find it hard to be compassionate. I find myself being overly "judgmental" in ways that it's silly and I end up feeling like an idiot in the end and guilty for ever having those thoughts. I defeat this by asking myself (unbiased of course, I can't be too hard on myself and I can't make too many excuses either.) "what made me feel this way in the first place?" A lot of it is what I'm comfortable with and what I know. Such as, when I see a guy dressed in baggy pants, ripped up cuffs, greasy hair, scrawny, baggy black shirt with band logo on it, big bracelet with silver studs on it, and an oversized back pack I automatically think..Stoner who works dead end job to pay for his weed, lives in a basement apartment with lot's of roomies and carries his "stuff" in his back pack so his rommies won't smoke it on him. I could be wrong *shrugs* (many times I'm not..(IMG:style_emoticons/default/wink.gif)) but meeting the person is when you fill in the gaps. But that's the key, you have to be above your own judgements in order to speak to the person. It's when you make that assumption and don't even try to prove yourself wrong.

I used to have that in high school, thinking some girl a ditz because she wore tight baby doll t-shirts, smacked her gum loudly and dazed off into space during class. But, I had to work through that and make the attempt to prove myself wrong. If I was right in the end, oh well, *shrugs*.

Maybe you could see this as a test of sorts. To either work through it, or become subjected to it and allow it to run your life? Just a suggestion of course (IMG:style_emoticons/default/smile.gif)