Crazy.Really crazy or just troubled? Options

I don't know anymore...Am I crazy? I have these totally weird outbursts that doesn't match with the person I think I am. I am bitter sometimes, so bitter that I am scared of the things I say. I am trying to protect myself and I just end up with me saying horrible things to people that doesn't deserve that. Sometimes I think I am a queen, a great human being, the best...After that, I can see that I was stupid, and I apologize. I want to believe that I am on the right way, that I am learning lessons, but...
I'm scared.
What if I am just a horrible person? What if I am just living to hurt others?
On the other way, if I am asking myself these questions, I may be, in some degree, aware of what I should and should not say and do. Maybe I am just confused. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/tn_dizzy002.gif) Maybe there is a way for me to become what I want to be. How I want to be.
I am scared of competition, and I react violently. I am afraid that people will make fun of me, will gossip about me, and make me feel bad. I am paranoid. Borderline personality...I found my simptoms among others in a 'Mental Health and Psychology dictionary'. Anxiety, avoidant personality disorder, histrionic personality..and another five mental disorders.
I wanna scream. Just go somewhere where nobody can see or hear me, and scream my anger out in the universe. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/help.gif) I am pathetic, sad person. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/cry_.gif) What am I doing here, anyway? I don't belong here, among you, those interested in occult. What if I am here just because I have problems dealing with this reality? I am not adapted to society.
I am just sad.Though I am not lonely..weird, hugh? I have some friends, and I am torturing them.
Why? Because I think I deserve everything, and I am sure that everyone tries to hurt me. I really must understand that I am nobody. Nobody cares watta' f%*! I am doing or thinking. I am only one from billions. I do not matter.
And, above all, I am my only friend. So, why am I hurting myself, too?
The simplest answer will be that I am exagerating. The more complex one...I suffer of many personality disorders, I am crazy and I should go somewhere to treat myself.

You are not mad. I am angry all the time. Welcome to the world. You can either take the soma that is on offer (drugs, tv, drink, video games etc) and be a 'productive' member of society, or you can choose to experience the world in all its multifaceted evil and feel the way you feel.

I refuse to medicate. I refuse to take the soma. I choose instead to feel this anguish. If it drives me insane then so be it, at least I am alive.

You are not mad. I am angry all the time. Welcome to the world. You can either take the soma that is on offer (drugs, tv, drink, video games etc) and be a 'productive' member of society, or you can choose to experience the world in all its multifaceted evil and feel the way you feel.

I refuse to medicate. I refuse to take the soma. I choose instead to feel this anguish. If it drives me insane then so be it, at least I am alive.

Brave New World reference---nice (IMG:style_emoticons/default/biggrin.gif)


A couple of things to ponder--1) Are you and Indigo? If so, your anger/rage stems from a deep seeted impatience with the world. I can go into more if you like.

2) Anger is a secondary emotion. It stems from primary emotions such as fear, frusteration, anixety. Find the root of your anger, and focus on eliminating it.


3) Anger can be quite powerful. Learn to hone it to a fine edge, and it can be a blazing sword. But never let it out of your control, else it'll burn away everything in your life.