What Could This Be?, I am really not insane. I promise you! Options

Before I get to my question, I'll give some background information on this:

When I was about 11 or 12, I dabbled briefly in Ceremonial Magic(k). I know very well now that I had no business doing anything of that sort then!

Anyway, while playing with it, I can into contact with...something. It is a male, as far as I can tell and he's been a part of my life for nearly thirteen years now. I could call him a spirit since I have no clue what he really is.

What has happened during my time "with" his is as follows:

--I have had dreams of either being abused or having intercourse with him, and have woken up with either bruises, cuts or damage elsewhere (I'm rather shy about talking about that part since the last person I told about the last encounter suggested that my own husband raped me).

--He has been seen by other people with no prior knowledge of who/what he is or about our connection. If I met someone new, he has a habit of following them home...trust me, that makes for some strange conversations later on!

--Our relationship seems to be parasitic (and has observed to be so by a friend), however, I'm almost addicted to his feeding off of me.

--He isn't around all of the time. There is possibly one month out of a year where he seems strongest, and, then, he's gone or faintly there for the rest of the year.
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I'm not familiar with spirits outside of the general ones, so I'm having a hard time with even believing that he does exist (even though other people have seen him).

I don't know what this is. Does anyone here know, or have a clue?
Could something like this even happen? I kinda just need to know that I'm not losing my mind, which it probably sounds like I have already.

Sorry for the vague post. I've made it a habit to keep my words guarded just in case. I can elaborate if anyone has questions.

so the rape or abuse to you does not bother you? You find him a protector instead???

so the rape or abuse to you does not bother you? You find him a protector instead???

I agree with mystic. Was whaterver it protected you from worse than abuse, rape, and knowing that something could do this whenever it wanted and you could do nothing about it? You can learn to protect yourself. Also, couldn't whatever is doing this be the cause of whatever situation it "saved" you from, in order to gain ur trust? Srry if you've heard this all before, but just my thoughts. Anyway, I hope u get this resolved and find peace.
-Fenix