Energy Depletion Options

Hey peeps!

I have noticed a rather unusual thing that happens to me sometimes. It may take a bit of explaining so 'bear with' (IMG:style_emoticons/default/bigwink.gif)

Whenever I feel the need to do magick, I feel this emotion of contentment and joy engulfing my heart. This is the energy I use to invoke entities or do any other sort of magickal act. The problem is whenever I can't feel the energy, my magick doesn't work! Ever! This feeling comes and goes (as it pleases apparently). The thing is I suffer with depression and anxiety and have done most of my life, so feelings of joy are not always present even when the need/will to do magick is. Could it be a side-affect of my depression? Will I have to live with the fact that sometimes, I just won't physically be able to perform magick? As if my connection is temporarily cut-off somehow?

Another theory I have is that I use up all my magickal energy in one invocation and then experience a kind of 'come down' where I feel empty of those feelings for a few days.

Any theories would be grately appreciated.

First of all, you've made the agreement that you are afflicted with depression and anxiety. That agreement reinforces the condition, so it is better to try and take a step back and see the whole affair energetically. "Right now I am low on energy, it is not an affliction." "Right now I have some anxiety, what can I do about it?"

Depression and anxiety are caused by a lack of energy. Some people have problems with their energy system, sometimes we just don't think of acquiring energy in any way other than the normal methods of interaction with others, eating mindfully, connecting to the world through love, etc.

Your second theory is close, but incomplete. Yes, you can use up all your energy during a magickal endeavor. Depending on the work, you expend energy without replacing it. You are within your rights to request that the entities you work with replace the energy you used to connect to them before they leave. Godforms can hand out energy like candy. Lesser entities are more stingy about it sometimes, to them it's more of a commodity, and they're showing up because of the chance to collect some. You may also want to take a look at what entities you normally invoke - some of them may be leaving tap lines on you and siphoning off more than you agreed to, especially if you haven't told them they can't. It took me a while to figure out that what you don't mention is often far game when it comes to invocation. Evocation is far safer, but maybe not as fullfilling when you're used to housing or merging with an entity.

Take a look at some of these threads on psi-vampirism and energy work. Learn to draw energy from the earth, Sun, Moon, and Stars. Spend time outside during windy days, standing in the wind and really feeling it is a great way to get a natural boost of energy. Spend some time in the sun, not just being in it, but appreciating and loving the warmth that it sheds. Love is connection, and vice versa, if you are able to learn how to master love, you can connect to any force of nature, any godform, etc. You already know this because you have observed that the feeling of being full of energy is like being full of love, right?

One of the most detrimental things we can do is accept some prognosis that we are emotionally broken in some way. When we say things like, "I suffer from depression" that is giving up on the idea of being in control, abdicating the throne of your temple to forces that are just too strong for you. When I was fifteen or so, I was 'diagnosed' with clinical depression and 'anxiety disorder.' Now, I know that I wasn't getting enough energy from my parents, because they didn't have enough to give. Instead, they were taking energy because they had to get it from somewhere and weren't able to get it from one another any more. Learn to fully appreciate and love each moment of life, even if it starts with just the immutable constants that will never let you down. Learn to love gravity, the sun, the rotation of the earth, the cycles of nature. Those things are sources of energy that will never be depleted in your life time at least.

Most importantly, make an opposing agreement with yourself to these damaging agreements you have in place. Take life moment by moment, rather than deciding that a temporary condition of energetic low means that you have a consistent affliction which will be a constant in life. Your brain is under your control, believe it or not. Depression and anxiety are caused by chemical imbalances - which are triggered by energetic imbalances, and you are in control of the energy, so you are in control of the chemicals.

If any of this is vague or doesn't make sense, let me know and i'll go on at great length.

peace

This post has been edited by Vagrant Dreamer: Feb 1 2007, 12:51 PM