Speed Induced "hallucinations" Options

Now I know that everybody who has experienced "hallucinations" from staying up days on methamphetamine will almost always put it down to speed induced psychosis but after having a very lifelike conversation with a voice in after 3 days of sleep deprivation and lack of food im starting to question how imaginary these so called hallucinations really are.

Im interested in hearing opinions on the subject from occultists. I had no idea what psionics were until I had this experience. The voice talked about all sorts of things but at one point it said "Seeing as your more in tune with this dimension where deceased people reside, I can send you psionic frequencies". Also the voice asked me if it was my first psychedelic encounter.

Another very strange detail was the fact that after the voice told me it was going to give me a wet willy I actually felt a cold finger poke me in the back. It either felt like a cold finger or cold water seeping through my t-shirt.

Alot of very strange and unexplainable things happened. The voice seemed hellbent on convincing me I was dead too. It wanted me to face a certain direction and I noticed when I did the voice would get louder and more intense. At one point the voice said "Now that I have his undivided attention, I concentrate on his frontal lobe". I felt hands on each side of my face after that.

Something fairly strange that happened was after the voice told me I was going to get carpol tunnel syndrome my hands went ice cold and started sweating excessively for no logical reason.

Should I just assume it was my subconscious speaking to me or was there something else involved? The reason I posted in the psionics forum is because of that statement it made about psionic frequencies. I might have heard about psionics but I didnt know exactly what it was at the time.

A little update on my psychosis.

Weeds been having some extremely fucked up effects on me for the last year now. Id been smoking it for about 6 years and the only negative effects it had was laziness up until about 2 years ago. I hadnt smoked a joint in about 3 months and I smoked a couple of joints yesterday.

Since my tolerance dropped so much I got stoned out of my head. First bad effect was instant fear and paranoia. After analysing if I really had anything to be paranoid about and realized I didnt I started getting paranoid about the dumbest things I could think about like the police coming after me for looking drug information or talking about drug synths on a forum.

When Im sober theres very little that can scare me even when im in a near death situation the fear doesnt come to me because im not afraid of dying. When im stoned on the other hand im afraid of everything. I was literally getting scared watching stupid horror movies on TV. The last joint I smoked got me so stoned I lost all my energy and lay down on my bed. This is where the psychosis really kicked in. I was hearing voices but instead of the usual random sentences id hear when i used to smoke weed they were all negative statements directed towards me.

I should add about 4 months ago i started hallucinating after staying up on speed too long and there was a voice in my head talking all sorts of shit. After only smoking weed last night this voice came back. It was talking all sorts of negative shit calling me an idiot, a faggot, a bastard, an a$%*#!*, an animal and most of all a lunatic. I kept hearing "your a lunatic". The voice also was taunting me saying "look your hearing voices now" "your schizofrenic". Also it kept saying "I hate you" and emphasising it as much as possible. It didnt say it in a regular voice it gave a real emphasising "I HAAAATE you". Id been hearing that sentence sober for a couple of weeks now but in a more blurred unclear form. It was crystal clear hearing it stoned.

The voice said loads of times "Your lion". At one point the voice said in a loud voice as if giving orders "WE ARE TAKING OVER". I was a bit nervous hearing that voice but this part did scare me. After lying down for about an hour observing what this voice was saying it said "Kill me Im evil" it repeated it 3 times in a row. After hearing that my heart started beating insanely fast because I was scared and it only stopped beating when I cut off the fear. First time Ive ever heard a sentence be repeated once after another like that. After that it said "Im lucifer incarnated". Just like the voice i heard hallucinating on speed this voice was saying things like "Were trying to take your life" and shit like that.

Now all this started I think about 2 years ago id hear the odd voice echoing things in my head when id smoke weed but last night it hit the peak. After that speed psychosis for months ago for the first time in my life ive been hearing voices echoing negative things when im completely sober but really vaguely and quietly and hard to make out. When I smoked that joint last night I heard every single word I heard sober but this time it was loud and clear.

Why in the name of god does weed make me so scared of everything. Every other drug has the complete opposite effect and im fearless. When taking shrooms with weed they seem to have polar opposite effects. Shrooms give me assurance weed gives me paranoia. Now that im sober again I want to get stoned again and see if I hear this voice again but everytime im stoned I get afraid for some stupid reason.

The whole time I know its all in my head but theres some part of my mind that keeps wondering whether im talking to a demon or a ghost. Is this schizofrenia im describing? Does anyone know what the hell im talking about and if so do you know how I can solve this problem. When im sober I always think ah I'll get stoned and overcome the problem this time but the minute im stoned I just wanna run away from the problem out of fear. Could this just be suppressed fears im dealing with? I was always scared shitless of demons and the devil as a kid because my great granny was a religious psychopath and always talked about them. When I hit about 14 I became the polar opposite and havent been afraid of anything even when I should be.

Since this forums about the occult I'll analyse it from that point of view. I visualised two things while lying there listening to my mind. One was some red pattern but the other I visualised red candles burning. A clear visualation too not in my mind but more like a projection in the middle of the room. This "I HAAAAAATE you" makes absolutely no sense it appears to be provoking a reaction. It said the word witchdoctor a few times something my dad claimed to be years ago but since hes full of shit i laughed my ass off when he said it. Also alot of this paranoia seems to stem from this prick. The voice made a few statements in relation to what i was thinking. I said something like "I dont hang around with scumbags" to myself and the voice responded "what about your dad, you think hes a saint?". I think its the fact that my dad always talked about how hes into the occult thats gotten me paranoid. I keep getting the impression hes trying to telepathically influence me and my mother and everyone thats known talk about him like hes the devil himself. When it said 3 times "kill me im evil" I did react thinking of the possibility that it was a demon and my heart started racing. Thinking over about the fact that a demon and ghost cant physically hurt me and even if they could im not afraid of pain or dying the fear goes away. I doesnt make sense that if im not afraid of dying at all that id be afraid of something as dumb as that. The voice also said "We're haunting you" and the way it said "Im lucifer" that sounds like some petty demon trying to make itself look scary. Reminds me of the exorcist and the exorcism of Emily Rose. In both films the demon claimed to be lucifer. Maybe thats where im getting this shit from.

Lets say for the sake of argument that since hes been studying Thelema, crowleys books and the occult for about 20 years now that hes learnt a trick of two and after performing a little bit of hypnosis on me one day in which he said "You will open up to ALL language" that hes able to telepathically connect to me. How would I know for sure that something metaphysical is going on. If I was to look around his apartment would there be any signs that he is into this shit that I could look for. The only thing that bothers me is the fact its fucking up my buzz everytime i smoke weed and it talks so much negative shit it outweighs the positve things i say in my head. Since words influence all these negative words must influence my mind too.

Im gonna get stoned again tonight and experiment with this voice again. I'll write down everything it says and ask it questions etc.


Same night he emails me a couple of weird articles like this'

I.N.R.I.

In Necis Renascor Integre

(Dans la mort renaître intact et pur)

%





I.N.R.I.

Exotérique : Iesus Nazarenus Rex Iudorum

Ésotérique :

Igne Natura Renovatur Integra

(Car c’est à l’aide du feu et dans le feu même que notre hémisphère sera bientôt éprouvé)

I dont speak latin or french but I think hes saying in death comes renewal and integrity.

Heres the other one its a bunch of stories or something its real long so I'll just post the start

Light Witch/ Sorcière(Victime) de(la) Lumière

(Pseudonyme : Danielle Abott / (Andolf)

demande EN MARRIAGEx2

Progrès= pp.58/17 Déc.= (XXD) dialogue=Yvon Amanda…

(pp.60=problèmes génétiques des gris)

Insertions : Amanda fait de longues balades en raquette p :46-58=76/ elle picole en douce (vin rouge ?)

Leçon de télépathie/ soir de la prière inversée et jours suivants… + Flash sur religions humaines

24 Décembre au soir : Amanda rencontre le prêtre père Xavier, 36 ans, qui remplace le vieux curé du village malade… Elle entend cependant le prêtre penser depuis que les gris lui ont offert leurs dons…. Courant de conscience, monologue intérieur, pensées mobiles…– il finit par prendre peur…

En février, les rats ont recours aux hologrammes : dont une scène avec le père d’Amanda : « Amanda parle-moi » »Je préfererais parler à du az lacrymogènes, osti de vieux schnock! »

I find it odd that before I read checked my email this voice kept talking about how it was bringing on my death and mentioned the word witchdoctor more than once then I get this email with articles talking about in death brings renewal and integrity and a story titled Light Witch.

This post has been edited by Xochipilli: Mar 3 2007, 06:22 PM