The Necronomicon... Chooses It's Own? Options

I've been trying every night to perform a Wiccan ritual, but every night it gets ruined because I have no privacy, and I can't get the Necronomicon out my mind. I carry the Spellbook for the heck of it. Is it a choice anymore whether I want to work with the Necronomicon or not?

By the way, I have this pince cone sitting here on my desk that came out of nowhere apparently... Maybe from one of my grandmother's winter decorations, but it's just sitting here...

By the way, I almost forgot to mention that two or three nights ago I heard a voice in the room... It spoke, twice, but I had no idea what it said... Somewhat of a jumble...

I'm a little reluctant though, to go all out on a system... What is this amazing power?

This post has been edited by ObsidianLF: Nov 30 2006, 04:37 PM

Greetings everyone!

I definitely feel that the Necronomicon is calling me and has been calling me for a looooong time! (IMG:style_emoticons/default/wink.gif)
I have always been interested in magick ever since I was a kid and as such got into D&D, GURPS etc, and the first I ever heard of Lovecraft and the Nec and Cthulhu - through the Cthulhu roelplaying game and the horror/cthulhu expansion to the GURPS syetem - I was hooked - even if I did not know it at the time! Since then the Nec has been coming into my life with greater and greater attraction, it seems!

Now that I am more seriously looking into the occult for my personal and spiritual development (again prompted by my training in martial arts and development of feeling and seeing energies) I find that the Necronomicon is pulling me the most out of all the systems I've been researching! Although I do have some feellings towards Chaos, CM and Goetic styles too... (IMG:style_emoticons/default/wink.gif)

Especially now, after reading the Gates of the Necronomicon, and its equating of the Walking of the Gates to a self-initiated sytem of deep psychoanalysis and parallels with Taoist methods of enlightenment, all of these systems coming together seems to strike a very strong chord of rightness for me in my self development, finding my True Self and Will, and finding and doing the Great Work!

Peace to us all!
(IMG:style_emoticons/default/hands.gif)

Hello All,

So, a few of you probably know that i dabbled with the necronomicon a little while back, most of last year, and mostly that involved study, a few minor evocations of the names, and a lot of meditation on the gods Enlil, Enki, and Marduk. That was largely the extent of it at the time, although I did attempt to walk the first gate... don't remember much of the experience.

Well, I had a series of communications with at first Enki, then Marduk, they were brief, and then one night I had a long sort of initiation vision during an AP experience that ended when I walked through a great stone door and into the throne room of enki. The previous two gods on this initiation journey had been Anu, first, and then Enlil. Both of them bestowed 'boons' when I knelt before them, although strangely enough I cannot recall almost any of the experience now, nor can I find the journal I wrote it down in.

Well, when I approached Enki, I suppose my mind was in the wrong place at that point, and I was not only excited to see what the experience would be with him, but I assumed I would afterwards go through a further door to meet with Marduk.

When I knelt before Enki, he turned me away, admonishing my pride and lust for gifts. In so many words. After this, I had trouble with my bandar, and started getting paranoid. So, I banished my bandar, broke the agga mass ssaratu I had made for him, and threw out the tools I had made. So I thought anyway...

In any case, I had determined that the nec wasn't for me, that either I wasn't ready, or perhaps just didn't want to get too deeply involved. Magick has never made me scared before. So, it seemed like I was just walking the wrong path.

Recently, I've been more involved with hinduism, not for it's magick, or anything really having to do with worldly attainment at all. I've been studying the philosophy, and learning bakhti, devotion. I have been praying to Lord Shiva, and seeking a different kind of fullfillment than I had spent much time looking for the past. And the process really has made changes in my outlook, and my 'inlook' if that makes sense. I feel more at ease, more content, and more detached from what I now have more completely experienced to be a world that is truly not permanent or which has any real power over me - not my mind, or body, but the Watcher Behind the Eyes.

Well, in furtherance of an exploration into myself, mastery, inner silence, and a host of other things I strive to cultivate and practice in my life, I took a vow of silence for one moon, the last full moon to this one (march 3rd). The mandate, as it wasn't something I planned in advance and decided to do on my own whimsy, came to me five days before the last full moon, while I was meditating on the image of Lord Shiva. I knew that it was something that would further me, though I didn't know exactly how. So, each day of this vow I practiced bakhti, every day I examined my thoughts, my actions, and my ideals, and each day I cultivated a sense of devotion and appreciation. It has altered my behavior in a subtle, but from what I hear, very noticeable way.

My plan for this full moon, an eclipse as we've been discussing on another thread, was to sit under the moon during the eclipse and chant, pray, make a sacrifice to Lord Shiva and contemplate the last 28 days. All began well, though I couldn't see the moon for the clouds, I could feel the shift in the energy, and I sat with my head bowed, chanting Aum Namah Shivaya, and as has become my practice, I formed the image of Lord Shiva dancing in my mind, focusing on it one pointedly as I have become quite good at in the past weeks.

But, something happened which has not happened before. Now, we have discussed on other threads that the gods are the same archetypes, interpreted in different cultural lights, and to some extent I agree, but I have never felt that the Elder Gods were nearly as loving and compassionate as many of the hindu gods are, and so it's difficult for me to see the parallels exactly, other than the very core ideals behind them, and perhaps their functions to some extent. What happened was this: Shiva's sky blue skin turned black, through no movement of my own mind, his adornments became shadows, and the objects in his upraised hands changed from a drum and fire, to a Sword and Book. His lower hands shifted from signs of blessing, to one hand that carried and large disk of something shiny, I was reminded of obsidian, and the other hand formed some mudra I have not seen before, but which when I saw it reminded me instantly of the necronomicon. This was no longer shiva, and I knew that it was Marduk.

But, despite his countenance, he seemed to exude the same kind of compassion and supportive power that I have come to associate with Shiva. We had an exchange of private words, and I was told in so many words that whatever path I thought I walked, all that I have learned in my attempt to stray have been lessons fed to me by the Gods, to teach me to be a proper priest. My fate was sealed when I knelt at the feet of the Elder Gods.

I have had mystical experiences in the past. This introduction to deities is relatively knew to me, within the recent years that is, I have never been very devotional. I have sought union with the force, with the greater consciousness beyond me. But, since I was introduced to the necronomicon, I have had more powerful experiences than with any other kind of magick or meditation.

I guess the necronomicon does choose its own. I've put this experience here for a number of reasons. It's relevant to the thread, but also, there is a lot of association with fear in dealing with the nec, and that's understandable, but I feel that while it is a source of great power, and nec priests have a reputation, albeit in specific circles, for their practice of it, personally, I have come to feel that there is devotion, compassion, and divinity to be found in this path, as there is in perhaps any path if it is approached properly.

So, I am walking back into the fold, though to hear the Gods tell it, I never really left. Now that I have learned devotion, I feel none of the fear that I felt before.

So, for those perhaps reading who are curious or just new to the path, it is this humble acolyte's opinion that lke any other Gods, learn to love them, to be devoted to them, and to do both selflessly, and they will indeed illuminate you, lift you up, and protect you. If you see them as tools, they will withold from you, and wait for you to become bored. If you see them as entities to give you whatever you want, they will kick you away. They are fierce, but that is a fierceness that will be on your side if you give yourself.

peace.