So I almost tried it all: DIY Spirit Journeys, Minor Alchemy, Self Hypnotism, Mantras, Sutras, Spells, Mirror Affirmation, and nothing seemed to help.

Before I left for El Salvador, I managed to find in the trunk of my car a little pass-out style pamphlet of Nichiren Sect Buddhism that spoke of the 10 worlds as 10 views of reality, the ones centered around love and peace higher that the others. Specifically, it said that chanting the lotus sutra and "Namu-Myoho-Renge-Kyo" raised the state of being, but nothing seemed to help there.

After some more introspection, I found that indeed I had a selfish, egoistic paradigm of anger centered around my thirst for power, just so I could use that power to improve my life condition as I see fit. My problem was my view of reality.

I saw this as a problem, and tried to find ways to change my general paradigm of reality. If one wants to use Nichiren Buddhism as a tool for explaining, imagine the paradigm of anger being just below the paradigm of tranquility. Tranquility is, according to them, a state where everything is calm, but one is very vulnerable to outside influences. I still find this unsatisfactory, and look to the next, Rapture. Rapture was defined as your view of reality when something great spontaneously happens to you, but is fleeting, and soon reverts back to tranquility.

My harmful paradigm is also bad because as I observed, even though I can epistomize and theorize about magick to the point where it can make sense to an open skeptic, I still can´t pull off any real spellwork until i´ve changed for the better. Imagine if I had my "magick license" suspended until I earn my energy back.

Any ideas on how to change my paradigm progressively, so that I can get myself out of this rut? How do I "earn" my magick back?