Paradigm Shifting, To make my reality a bit more relaxing Options

So I almost tried it all: DIY Spirit Journeys, Minor Alchemy, Self Hypnotism, Mantras, Sutras, Spells, Mirror Affirmation, and nothing seemed to help.

Before I left for El Salvador, I managed to find in the trunk of my car a little pass-out style pamphlet of Nichiren Sect Buddhism that spoke of the 10 worlds as 10 views of reality, the ones centered around love and peace higher that the others. Specifically, it said that chanting the lotus sutra and "Namu-Myoho-Renge-Kyo" raised the state of being, but nothing seemed to help there.

After some more introspection, I found that indeed I had a selfish, egoistic paradigm of anger centered around my thirst for power, just so I could use that power to improve my life condition as I see fit. My problem was my view of reality.

I saw this as a problem, and tried to find ways to change my general paradigm of reality. If one wants to use Nichiren Buddhism as a tool for explaining, imagine the paradigm of anger being just below the paradigm of tranquility. Tranquility is, according to them, a state where everything is calm, but one is very vulnerable to outside influences. I still find this unsatisfactory, and look to the next, Rapture. Rapture was defined as your view of reality when something great spontaneously happens to you, but is fleeting, and soon reverts back to tranquility.

My harmful paradigm is also bad because as I observed, even though I can epistomize and theorize about magick to the point where it can make sense to an open skeptic, I still can´t pull off any real spellwork until i´ve changed for the better. Imagine if I had my "magick license" suspended until I earn my energy back.

Any ideas on how to change my paradigm progressively, so that I can get myself out of this rut? How do I "earn" my magick back?

For what its worth....I believe your stated awareness of your condition is proof you are well on your way to breakthrough...My advice to you is to remember the chaos "mantra"
"Nothing is True, Everything is Permitted"

Take and inventory of every belief you hold, very much akin to franz bardon's theory of the magick mirror, and go from there. WHen you can lay everything out clearly and concisely, it's easier to pick one, transmute it into something better, and move on, piece by piece.

I originally began this through Castaneda's approach of 'recapitulation' even so far as going to sensory deprivation chambers to contemplate and gather myself, but in retrospect I don't think that's entirely necessary.

outline what you want to be, who you want to be, read it over on a regular basis, be mindful of your thoughts and actions. THe more attention you pay to your living-of-life, the easier it is to change your paradigm, and to change how you operate internally and externally. The main problem most people have is simply not paying enough attention, operating instinctively and more or less on 'automatic'.

I agree with the previous response - recognizing it is the first step.

peace