Sorry, you have been having the troubles you have been having. I have to admit I never have had that type of problem.
Let me rephrase, I have never had that type of reaction to that type of behavior. I tend to be a chameleon when it comes to social interaction. This has good and bad effects for me, however I am always seeing what I can adjust.
We humans are creatures of patterns and habits, to break out of our habits and patterns requires effort and perceived risk.
I would look into 3-2-1 Shadow-Work Process or some similar concepts.
In essence this is objectifying something that is happening.
In 321 you start with the object in the third person, and then work to second person and lastly you become the other person or object. This allows for the emotional charge to still exist but to view it not as it is affecting us, but as an object.
There is a great deal of other good exercises for this or seminars and such. There are things where solitary practice is just not good for in earthing out. I am hesitant in recommending any because the good ones I have been to, have been hellish while I was there, but in the end I was totally happy for having been there.
There is a big underling topic to my practice, that is that I can only control my reaction to things, everything else I can influence but not control. The goal of my practice is learning to perceive where the minimum of effort can be applied to have the desired outcome I want.
So, I would not go with using magic on others when reoccurring patterns are coming up, it is only changing the symptoms and not the cause of the situation, it is only a temporary fix.
I would also go for a drastic change, reinvent yourself, take a new outlook on your past, don’t change it, take the same things and think of them in an empowering way. Doing this is walking through hell, trust me, but it also can lead to a much more wonderful place.
The immediate goal is changing your internal dialog. If you change the way you think about things and yourself you change perspectives on all things.
I know this does not answer your question, but I hope it adds something to your practice.
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--Paxx
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