Maybe It's A Curse?, Curse of the Mundanoeity Options

My life is...decidedly mundane. I have never seen anything magical, never felt any presence of any ghost, spirit or god, never found anything that couldn't be explained and understood. My delusions may be that there is magic, but no matter how I search, or how I look within myself, nothing emerges. I need to find magic in order to have hope again, but can't find it at all. Any spells, invocations, or summonings of will I try myself all seem to run up against a wall, and nothing ever happens. Any person I've met who claimed access to some form of magic turned out to be a charlatan, or a swindler.

This isn't some run-of-the-mill dry period. I've existed for nearly three decades without a single whisper of magic coming my way. It's not that I'm closed to it, or avoiding it. It's not that I just haven't been looking long enough. I know very well what magic is, so I can't be mistaking it for something else. So...maybe I'm cursed?

It would explain a lot if I was under some sort of curse. I sure can't live without magic, and there doesn't seem to be magic, and that contradiction... well maybe it's that I'm being blinded, or held off from it somehow? How would I tell if there was some influence preventing me from perceiving or running into magic?

I don't seem able to believe in anything, so maybe that has something to do with it?

Maybe look into past life regressions. Its a long shot, perhaps, but I have never met anyone who had an earnest desire to experience magick, who simply didn't. Are you sure you're paying attention? But, it is possible that for some karmic reason you are not able to find magick in your life. If that were the case, you would need to find out where that karmic issue comes from and resolve it. You can probably find a good therapist - who comes with some kind of references - who does past life regressions. However, even they will tell you - it's not like picking an issue and then going to find out where it comes from. Karma is complicated, and there are layers upon layers of causes. Maybe you will find out in the first session, maybe it will take some time. Hard to say.

Another option - find a spiritual master and undergo an initiation. Sometimes it just takes on intense spiritual/mystical experience to jumpstart your magickal consciousness. There is a woman in india called the Hugging Saint - forget her name - who they say when you hug her, she clears away all ignorance. Of course I'm sure it is temporary, those sorts of things always are unless you dedicate yourself spiritually to that ideal, but a peak experience of awakening is permanent whether you pursue it or not; you're never the same after those sorts of things.

Also, while I think it's been said before in response to a similar post, don't discount the value of seeking 'little magicks' in your life. Life is magickal - when you really look at it, almost everything happening falls into the category of 'impossible' by any 'sound' reasoning. Try to identify your true self, try to understand the First Person Perspective, and how your consciousness expresses through your physical existence.

A lot of people suggest that magick and spirituality are separated in some way. I disagree with that. Spirituality is, at it's essence, to embrace the magickal nature of existence whether you practice magick or not. Magick itself is applied spirituality, transformation - whether that means transforming lack into abundance, inner weakness into inner strength, or any other change you want to make in your life. And that is the same thing that spirituality is about. So, focus on your spirituality as well perhaps. Spiritual people tend to have more magickal lives, and see meaning in things and situations that others would not.

I could not say for sure why one person can experience magick easily, and another cannot. My Hermetic paradigm suggests that it is a matter of spiritual evolution, but honestly I believe that anyone with an earnest desire, with a pinch of understanding, can lead a magickal life. You just need to live life as though it were magickal - then it will respond magickally.

peace