Maybe It's A Curse?, Curse of the Mundanoeity Options

My life is...decidedly mundane. I have never seen anything magical, never felt any presence of any ghost, spirit or god, never found anything that couldn't be explained and understood. My delusions may be that there is magic, but no matter how I search, or how I look within myself, nothing emerges. I need to find magic in order to have hope again, but can't find it at all. Any spells, invocations, or summonings of will I try myself all seem to run up against a wall, and nothing ever happens. Any person I've met who claimed access to some form of magic turned out to be a charlatan, or a swindler.

This isn't some run-of-the-mill dry period. I've existed for nearly three decades without a single whisper of magic coming my way. It's not that I'm closed to it, or avoiding it. It's not that I just haven't been looking long enough. I know very well what magic is, so I can't be mistaking it for something else. So...maybe I'm cursed?

It would explain a lot if I was under some sort of curse. I sure can't live without magic, and there doesn't seem to be magic, and that contradiction... well maybe it's that I'm being blinded, or held off from it somehow? How would I tell if there was some influence preventing me from perceiving or running into magic?

I don't seem able to believe in anything, so maybe that has something to do with it?

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Fear & desire can impact a lot too. Do you really want something magical to happen even if it would mean changing an important aspect of the world? Say you see someone levitate in a open field, you're convinced they've done something "magical." All is well & good for magic; but what sort of position does that put view of gravity? Newborns are afraid of falling, people die every day from the simply taking a wrong step or slipping on something, flight was a fevered dream of mankind for ages. And now, here's someone, without a shred of respect for the laws of nature, floating mid-air like it was nothing!
I can't count the number of times I wasn't prepared for bizarre things to happen to me. I used to shut strange things out, easing my anxiety by either trying to find a scientific explanation (about as well as Star Trek) or shifting into denial. After a while you can eventually learn to take things in stride and be more open to any change, if there's one thing weird stuff can do best, it is to help you keep an open mind.

I know very well what magic is,

Then there's expectations; if something doesn't happen juuust the way it was expected, all sorts of feelings or maybe just laughter springs up. Sure a chemist may be able to turn lead into gold, but is it magic if they do it in a drab lab instead of a lovely light show? There are so many different ways to classify something, that your day could be filled with all sorts of "paranormal" occurrences, yet you still yearn for "magical" events.
I took precognition for granted years before realizing it was something actively sought by fevered stock-market and lottery players. Not to mention stuff like synchonicity or prayer or technology or thoughts or symbols or...