Maybe It's A Curse?, Curse of the Mundanoeity Options

My life is...decidedly mundane. I have never seen anything magical, never felt any presence of any ghost, spirit or god, never found anything that couldn't be explained and understood. My delusions may be that there is magic, but no matter how I search, or how I look within myself, nothing emerges. I need to find magic in order to have hope again, but can't find it at all. Any spells, invocations, or summonings of will I try myself all seem to run up against a wall, and nothing ever happens. Any person I've met who claimed access to some form of magic turned out to be a charlatan, or a swindler.

This isn't some run-of-the-mill dry period. I've existed for nearly three decades without a single whisper of magic coming my way. It's not that I'm closed to it, or avoiding it. It's not that I just haven't been looking long enough. I know very well what magic is, so I can't be mistaking it for something else. So...maybe I'm cursed?

It would explain a lot if I was under some sort of curse. I sure can't live without magic, and there doesn't seem to be magic, and that contradiction... well maybe it's that I'm being blinded, or held off from it somehow? How would I tell if there was some influence preventing me from perceiving or running into magic?

I don't seem able to believe in anything, so maybe that has something to do with it?

Well, based on the way you've reacted in response to other peoples' suggestions, I'd say you're at an impasse in life. You feel something like you're wasting your time but don't know what you could be doing to spend it better. If you think the specific type of magic you want to perform is the key to your happiness, you're wrong. Even if you live somewhere as barren as Alaska, there's still more than enough experiences within walking distance of your house to last several lifetimes. Magic is just one of the many things that would make your life feel less mundane. Try moving back a step and looking at magic as one of many paths you could go down. If magic doesn't seem to work for you, don't go beating a dead horse.