Uncontrolable Rage Options

Two nights ago I had a dream that doesn't surprise me much, but there are some details about it that elude me in its meaning. Here's how things went: I was in the den up at my grandparents. The den there is in its own little building with a computer on a desk, a TV, and a recliner. Like its real-life counterpart, it was well lit, but there was a few more chairs and furniture in my dream that was scattered about. My grandparents and mother were all here too, and we were walking around, talking to each other (I don't know the topic of discussion). Suddenly, out of the blue, my mother insulted me. I forget what the exact insult was, but it had something to do with me getting my ass kicked and wanting it (this in fact, sounds very much like something she would say).

I turned to her, grit my teeth, and seethed out, "What?" My grandfather just looked at me with a huge grin, fake as ever, and said "I think its funny" or something. My mother, also with a big fake smile, admonished me for my reaction, telling me "Don't talk to me like that." The thing is, it was not a lighthearted joke, even in her presentation. It was a direct insult against me and the others wanted me to just take it with a smile. I exploded, not in anger, but a vehement violent RAGE.

Vague memories started bubbling to the surface of what they were like in normal situations and also of some of the things of what my mother did to me as a kid. I smashed and destroyed all of the furnature with my hands, and as I did so, I started singing a song from KoЯn called Right Now, specifically, the following lyrics:

You open your mouth again,
I swear I'm gonna break it.
You open your mouth again,
Oh God I cannot take it.

Shut up. Shut up.
Shut up or I'll f%*! you up.
Shut up. Shut up.
Shut up or I'll f%*! you up.

SHUT UP!! SHUT UP!!
SHUT UP OR I'LL f%*! YOU UP!!
SHUT UP!! SHUT UP!!
SHUT UP OR I'LL f%*! YOU UP!!

The thing is, I haven't listened to KoЯn in a while. Also, this is SOOO unlike me. I'm normally calm and placid, very much in control of myself, and I also seem to have a calming effect on others. People also often compliment me on how nice I am. But in this dream, I felt more anger and rage than I have ever felt in my life. Everything inside I've bottled up, all the anger and bitterness came tumbling out all at once in this dream. I didn't really want to hurt them though, so I went after the furnature instead and made a mess of things. But there is something else that puzzles me. At the very end, I seemed to be having another dream at the same time. It was simply a picture; a picture of a ledger that contained all of my financial information, account balance, etc.

I think I know what all this means, even the ledger part, but I'd like to see what others think before I give my take on it.

Well a den is a place I would associate with leizure, comfort and relaxation. Your mom and grandma insulting you probably relates to an inner conflict with these two. I take it you probably don't et along well with your mom. If that is true then this dream could relate to some unresolved conflict between you two. One that you might feel like there is no point in resolving because you feel that your grandma would just take her side and sorta gang up on you. The rage you felt would really be an expression of helplessness in light of this situation.

This dream might not be about external conflict. but rather internal conflict. The expression would appear to be that of your mom and grandma since you can relate to both the easiest. But the actual conflict is between the dominating feminine aspects of your personality and yourself, your ego. Your ego is probably largely driven by masculine impulses (to be expected since you are a young male). The episode of rage is a clear expression of masculinity. The destruction of the den may indicate that you are engaging in things that are self destructive or at least not constructive. It might also mean that the inner conflict you have between these aspects of yourself are really keeping you from truely relaxing or being the mellow person you say you are.

Also I am not suprised that you heard Korn in the backround given that many of Korn's lyrics have to do with broken family life and issues regarding family. Which would only further express concern towards attitudes in your immediate family life.

This post has been edited by Acid09: May 4 2008, 06:15 PM