Reoccurring Nightmares Options

I'm hoping for a bit of insight. Two heads are better than one, and a dozen are likely better than two (unless they form a committee). I've been having variations on the same nightmare for about 4 years now. I dream that I'm falling off of a wall, a precipice, a ledge, a building, a mountain or whatever. Generally it wake me up. I have been diagnosed with PTSD from violent and stressful incidences. I also had a kundalini opening spontaneously at around the time that this got to be an issue. Normally with PTSD you have nightmares, but they are nightmares about the issues causing the PTSD. I've never fallen off of a ledge or anything, so it seems to me that the falling is symbolic. But I'm not an expert on dream interpretation. One of my teachers gave me a charm with a sigil on it that I've kept beside my bed since and has prevented the nightmare for most of the past two years, but it seems to have stopped working. I'm going to pop in to his place sometime soon and see if the charm needs recharging or renewing or whatever. But I like to examine things from different angles and see if anything else helps. I'm on a waiting list to join a PTSD group, but while I'm waiting I was wondering if there might be something that I'm missing or should know that might be obvious to someone else. I'm smart enough however we often don't have good perspective on ourselves. I've often been lucky in having the right people around to give me the answers I've needed. It isn't something that is life threatening, but it is annoying and I seem to be stuck.

Good news is that I'm back in kungfu class and learning a new martial art. I believe that it is good for my concentration. I'm exchanging lessons with the teacher by teaching him taiji. (We're old qigong partners) The bad news is that it hurts a lot more than when I was younger. lol The class is full of young, fit students who are leaving me with a lot of bruises and giving me a refreshment course in humility. I can probably use it.

This post has been edited by Goibniu: Aug 26 2008, 02:51 AM

But I'm perhaps a traditional male and find it undignified and unnatural to ask for help or show vulnerability.

Its not just a traditional male thing, trust me. Most men around the world in the majority of cultures (but not all of them) are taught to not show emotion or vulnerability. It took me years to become as open about myself as I am today. I just had eventually learn to wear my emotions on my sleeves and if people want to think ill of me, then it becomes their problem. I know that the people who truely care about me or take the time to get to know me will not make those shallow assumptions people often do in impersonal settings.

What this does hint at though is the possibility that you might resist participating in a group setting. I'm sure that the councelor, as long as they're worth anything, will be able to help integrate you into that kind of setting and help allow you to express yourself knowing that you are safe doing so.

When i do release something it is done in a measured way. And I have to make it look easy as it says in the guy code.

Not to get all righteous on you or anything but this statement demonstrates what psychologist reffer to as intellectualization. This is the process where a person uses reason and logic to try and show that they are dealing with things (be they addicts, OCD or what have you) when in reality its just a mechanism that prevents a person from truely exploring themselves and dealing with what ails them. To try and simplify that people use statements to intellectualize their situation, to make it seem reasonable and managable, when really its not an answer, just an excuse. Some people are very good at it (including me) which is not a good thing because it can lead to self-sabotage in the long (I've learned it the hard way). And I'm not saying intellectualization is a bad personal habit and you are some how garunteed to fail. No of course not. I'm just trying make you a bit more aware of something that I perceive that might be something you should regonize in yourself and pay attention to.

Your remarks about the meaning of the falling symbology are likely close to the mark. I'm self-employed, walking a tight rope with no safety net. Bureaucratic changes in the industry have driven my contemporaries out of business and I'm the last survivor from an earlier age.

If you have had that kind of life style for a long time (since you've spoken about having these reoccuring dreamings over a period of years) then yes I could see 'falling" and symbolize what you describe. In my opinion it also adds an element of lonliness. Its sounds that in some respects you feel that by being a "survivor", that you are alone. Which to me makes sense because people afflicted with PTSD often have a sub-conscious and sometimes completely conscious feeling that they are alone and no one understands what they've been through. Again, just one more thing to consider and try to become aware of if its realevant to you.

It has a connection to the PTSD, but is more a wear-and-tear issue on the nerves rather than trauma. It is a contributory factor however I'm sure. Likely-- like most conditions-- PTSD is multi-factorial.

Again in my humble opinion, its intellectualization. The trauma may be done and gone and you are consciously aware of that. But deep in your mind, your sub-conscious and unconscious self is stuck in fight or flight mode - thats what PTSD is. And even through therapy it may take years to reverse this in your system. The wear-and-tear of life would not have been so noticable if you did not have the PTSD.

And to be honest part of me wants to say that a part of you really doesn't care about the dream or its meaning, but instead you wanted to find a comfortable forum to talk about PTSD, your dream and its ambiguity allowed you to do that. The reason I point this out is because through the few paragraphs we've shared in this conversation the main thing we've discussed is the PTSD. But the other part of me says that happened because I focused in on it in my first response and now as well. To me, it seemed logical to focus on that because I could tell you what I thought the symbols in your dream meant, but I didn't think that would be very helpful if all I talked about was just the dream.

At any angle it is apperant to me that this PTSD is something that is real and is affecting you and is taking up a significant part of your life. My overall advice is to do everything in your power to responsibly deal with this condition. That should be your number one priority. I know you have other things in life to deal with like maybe bills, taxes, stable income, family and a whole host of other stresses - trust me, deal with the PTSD and managing all that other stuff seem 1000 times easier. Sounds stupendous to say. The simple reason why is because you'll no longer have to carry the extra weight. If you were local to me I'd offer you information on local support. Unfortunately I cannot do that. I can give you my attention and knowledge on the matter, you can PM me any time. I cannot promise a prompt response but I can promise a response.

I see no reason to not use your charm, if it works. So maybe see if your friend can fix this one or give you a new one. The catch is don't treat it like a cure. Until you truely and cognitively deal with this stuff, its unlikely any charm or magick would work permanently.