Influencing External Vs Internal Change Options

Over the years I seem to have gotten fairly good at using magick to bring about favourable circumstances in my life. Jobs, money, partners, etc. Nothing spectacular, my results could be written off as coincidences but once you get a certain amount of "coincidences" you start to realise that perhaps they aren't really coincidences... But, as a sufferer of mild anxiety and depression, I have often tried to use magick to influence my internal climate, with very little success.

Lately I have been using my daily practice of the LBRP to influence my life. When invoking the archangels, I will talk to them and ask them to grant me small favours... The results have been quite impressive when it comes to external events (one example of many is that I had problems with my feelings for a workmate. It was problematic because I had a boyfriend, and the situation had been bad for quite some time. I asked the archangels for help, and the very same day, he got fired! Which isn't as bad as it sounds for him as he was getting quite tired of wokring there anyway, and from conversations I had with him afterwards it seemed that him getting fired - or rather, being asked to resign, but with good references - had worked out in his favour. This is just one example fo the "coincidences" I've had). Yet I have hardly had any success at all in alleviating my anxiety, depression, or my moderate substance abuse through the use of the LBRP or any magick at all!

Any similar experiences? Advice, theories, etc?

Thanks for your replies everyone.

Re the substance abuse - I don't consider myself to be an addict of any particular substance (bar nicotine), but I suppose I am addicted to the euphoric, calming feeling I get with intoxication through substances or situations (even really strong ginger tea produces this in me to some effect so we're not only talking about hardcore substances here!). I definitely don't need a 12-step program. But yes, I do self-medicate. It isn't staying drug or alcohol free that is the problem, because I can do that, it's finding the joie de vivre in normal everyday life that is. I was a bit inaccurate in saying that I have tried to influence my substance abuse through magick, it would be more accurate to say that I have tried to influence my sober life through magick, in order to be able to influence my moods in the same way that I could using substances. Without success, obviously.

My anxiety or depression isn't severe enough for me to believe that medication is worth it (as I said, it is mild in ordinary circumstances). I have found ways to alleviate it using mundane means - nutrition, exercise, rest, the usual. I was just a bit perplexed as to how difficult it is to influence my moods when I seem to be able to manifest other things when I dedicate myself to it. I suppose the most annoying thing is, even when I am getting everything right life-style wise and I don't feel anxious or depressed, I still just feel 'meh', just quite unenthusiastic about everything, and hence the temptation to self-medicate. When I was younger, magick gave me joie de vivre, but I suppose I was a lot more enthusiastic overall back then (and also a lot more depressed and anxious!). But I am seriously considering CBT, as people seem to recommend it.

I'm actually reading an interesting book by Taylor Ellwood, "Internal Alchemy", about changing your brain chemistry among other things, but I still think I have much to learn before I could be successful in anything like that.

Edit: Another thing that I wanted to add that I forgot to say in the initial post is that I started doing Reiki a few months ago, and it's the same with that - I have success when healing my own physical pain, like say a stomachache caused by period pains, but no success in healing a stomachache caused by nervousness, and no success in any way ameliorating my moods with the use of Reiki. I suppose it makes sense, as emotions are deeper rooted, but its damn frustrating!

This post has been edited by cassiopeia: Sep 17 2008, 10:08 AM