Cobol Dangerous?, ...possibility of developing the Kundalini Syndrome? Options

OK, so that's what concerns me - I added Circulation of the Body of Light to my daily ritual work more than a month ago. Since then I've been wondering if I'm doing it right and if I'm not hurting myself. Why? When I perform the Ritual of the Middle Pillar, the energy (the light) descends only a bit reluctantly while it ASCENDS (during the ending part of CoboL) very reluctantly. I used to kinda force it up - which reminds me of the warnings that any work Kundalini raising should not be performed unsupervised or too early.

Okay, a short pause for some side notes. 1.) yes, I do realize that exercises from different traditions shouldn't be compared, but we do have only one energetic system, no matter what path (if any) we follow; 2.) I found two version of the ending part of CoBoL. I use the one that resembles Kundalini raising (just a pillar of brilliant white light ascending, of course starting from Malkuth, the feet rather than just from the root chakra) because I simply can't synchronize 'the Mummy' version with my breathing, as wrapping in energy takes me too long, making me pump myself with unnatural amounts of air (IMG:style_emoticons/default/smile.gif)

Right, here we go again (IMG:style_emoticons/default/smile.gif) Isn't forcing the energy harmful? Isn't there a possibility of developing the Kundalini syndrome with the practice of CoBoL? Yeah, I now it would be best to have a teacher, but I don't think it's possible while I live here. I was thinking about abandoning this exercise for some time but some idea occurred to me... Maybe I was forcing the energy because I was moving it TOO consciously? What I mean is, I practice New Energy Ways by Robert Bruce. It teaches how one can easily feel and manipulate the energy in one's energetic body. So... I realized I'd been subconsciously using some of N.E.W. techniques while doing CoBoL and I was possibly too efficient with it. Now, I concentrate on NOT using those techniques and I try to merely visualize everything. The light ascends more freely but I'm afraid the efficiency of the whole exercise is lower now as I don't feel the energy moving, don't feel dizzy as I used to feel during and after CoBoL etc.

What do you think and what would you recommend?

I haven't replied for some time as I needed to slowly 'digest' the information...

Yeah, you're probably right. I'm hitting hard on the brakes right now. I was totally confused, you know, you do something, believe it's good for you, you achieve some kind of 'momentum', so to speak or maybe develop some weird kind of workaholism... and, all of a sudden, I'm at the very beginning again, learning to KNOW MYSELF, how to breathe, relax and control my thoughts. It's a bit painful to start everything all over again but... yeah, you are right, guys. Some things have to be done properly. So, thanks for making me realize it.

As I shouldn't use various energy work techniques, I think I'll be out of Ceremonial Magick subforum for a while (maybe a year?) and I won't be touching any Golden Dawn rituals, unfortunately not even LBRP... Bruce's exercises seem to give me more tangible results (and give them faster so that I can 'finish them off' in a relatively short period of time and go back to Ceremonial Magick) So... I think that some relaxation techniques (including rhytmic breathing you mentioned) plus NEW plus reactivating dream and magick diary would make a good beginning. Vipassana would be great too, but I'm not sure if it doesn't mean piling up exercises again (IMG:style_emoticons/default/hmm.gif)

Oh, and bym - don't worry. Perdurabo. I was confused but not even considering giving up. You didn't discourage me. And I'm quite sure that at the recent pace I not going to break.
Thank you all for the advice.