Is It For Me? Options

Personally, i cannot purchase any occult materials.

i am a minor, and living with my family, i know they would disapprove.

books are different. i can read all the books i want, but they are almost always ceremonial.

Ceremonial seems to be the most widely practiced path, and easiest to get into, but i cannot purchase the equipment.

So it raises the question, is ceremonial magick for me?

i know this is kinda fast for this to happen, but my magick routine already gotten a bit reduntant.

every day, i do the lbrp (Dont have any idea why or what the point is, appearantly to banish negative energies, but i only really do it cause middle pillar seems incomplete without it.)

I Do the middle pillar (At first it was kinda what you'd expect, but recently i'v been seeing flashes of incomprehensible images during the final phases)

then i may read some occult books.

sleep.

the 2 rituals take only a couple of minutes each, but if i don't have enough time, I just do a chakra meditation while falling asleep.

i feel like i am ready for more, but my brain is telling me to grow a stronger connection to my energies first.

ITS DRIVING ME CRAZZZY!