Influencing External Vs Internal Change Options

Over the years I seem to have gotten fairly good at using magick to bring about favourable circumstances in my life. Jobs, money, partners, etc. Nothing spectacular, my results could be written off as coincidences but once you get a certain amount of "coincidences" you start to realise that perhaps they aren't really coincidences... But, as a sufferer of mild anxiety and depression, I have often tried to use magick to influence my internal climate, with very little success.

Lately I have been using my daily practice of the LBRP to influence my life. When invoking the archangels, I will talk to them and ask them to grant me small favours... The results have been quite impressive when it comes to external events (one example of many is that I had problems with my feelings for a workmate. It was problematic because I had a boyfriend, and the situation had been bad for quite some time. I asked the archangels for help, and the very same day, he got fired! Which isn't as bad as it sounds for him as he was getting quite tired of wokring there anyway, and from conversations I had with him afterwards it seemed that him getting fired - or rather, being asked to resign, but with good references - had worked out in his favour. This is just one example fo the "coincidences" I've had). Yet I have hardly had any success at all in alleviating my anxiety, depression, or my moderate substance abuse through the use of the LBRP or any magick at all!

Any similar experiences? Advice, theories, etc?

Just wanted to add an update to this thread, now that I, about half a year later have come much closer to solving my own problem.

I have always seen the sense in this kind of viewpoint:

It hink that your main problem seems to be that you are using magick in a backward sort of way. We use our spirits, our minds, and our wills, to focus our intent, do our rituals, and thus create the desired effects. While magick can be used for inner purposes and in fact leads towards such inner purposes in many cases, there is something to be said for focusing and training the mind prior to magickal practice.

Personally, i would suggest a regimen of self-exploration, coupled with a a focus on mediation to clear your mind. In my opinion, if you can clear the mental and emotional clutter, and understand the why behind your mental processes, you will have a lot more luck with improving and exploring your inner spirit.

...But just couldn't find a way to do it for ages. It's like there was too much clutter, anxiety, depression and the like for me to be able to focus. I could never stick to meditating, because it often ended up making me feel worse rather than better. And I couldn't really think of any other tools I had for clearing this clutter, which is why I had hoped that magick would do it for me. But, evidently it didn't. Well I'm not much for conventional medicine, never really have been, so I went to see an energy therapist, who I am still seeing, and with her I learned to use EFT (emotional freedom technique) to clear patterns of anxiety and depression. The four sessions I've had with her so far have cleared the debris to a level where I don't feel daily anxiety and depression so much and I am starting to feel more enthusiastic and have more joie de vivre. I'm still working with EFT and there's more to be done, however for the first time I have started a daily meditation practice that I am sticking to. It has only been just over one week, but considering the fact that I am actually enjoying meditating, whereas before I could hardly sit for two minutes in meditation before I got more and more frustrated, that's some progress!

I've sort of put ritual magick on the sideline for now, although I still practice the LBRP quite often, and want to get back to doing it daily - (part of the reason why I don't do it so often is because I now have flatmates that are home all the time, and it takes your focus off when you keep wondering whether you're vibrating too loud and whether they can hear you making those strange noises! I can't wait to live in my own flat so I can vibrate as loud as I want to, for full effect! (IMG:style_emoticons/default/laugh.gif)) I've developed a passion for energy healing and that is the path I am going down for now, this is something I really want to learn, and what better way to become a healer than to first heal yourself? I've started looking into Qi-Gong as well, and took my first class today. Overall, although I have my ups and downs, when I look back at the past two months (since I started my therapy), I can see so much growth. And I know I'm just at the beginning of a very exciting journey with this healing!

This post has been edited by cassiopeia: Jan 10 2009, 12:11 PM