So You Think You're Special., You sure? Options

I believe, or at least I hope, that i have a reputation here for being pretty patient in general, and being a decent fellow who rarely if ever loses his temper over stuff. I rarely have a reason - after all it's just a forum for all that it represents to me, and hopefully to others here as well; in the end how could I take anything here personally? I'd like to maintain that, and towards that end let me preface this just a bit.

I'm not angry. If anything, I'm amused, perhaps even amused at my own irritation - like when you see something that really gets under your skin, but is funny at the same time, and even funnier when you really lay into it. So, it's all in good humor, and I will continue to maintain an open 'door' policy to anyone who thinks they need help with a werewolf stalker, a thousand year old demon, an ancient evil mage from a past life, or aliens who are exacting a bloody price for the secrets they teach you while you sleep. That said...

...Stop it. Just stop it. It's as simple as that. You all know who you are. I'm tempted to pin this so you'll all see it. If you came here to find out how to best the black magician (who is a year older than you, 17) attacking you during math class, or here to learn the magic words that will give you control over the girl of your dreams, or how to enchant a sword to strike someone down without leaving a wound, or how to uncover your past life memories from when you were a grand high magus of the seventh circle of the super secret occult powers that were-are-and-will-be, press the back button, and go somewhere else. If you absolutely must post about your drama somewhere, go to occult forums. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/evil.gif)

Now, despite the fact that each and every one of you - save those that are actually clinically psychotic, in which case maybe you just don't know better - knows that you're just fantasizing and trying to get us to get involved with it, you are all none-the-less wondering, "Well how do you know? Maybe I am in an eternal conflict with a black witch/mage/sorcerer/werewolf/demon/warlock/darkelf/insert-evil-here! Maybe I am a werewolf and I'm trying to cope with the inherent conflict in my life! Maybe my best friend really can conjure fireballs and won't tell me how!"

I'll tell you how. I was you. I was a crazy teen. Like many of you, I had a broken family, I didn't get the attention I wanted, I had a hard life and wanted an escape, and so I fantasized. Like you, I got my hands on a book 'about magicK' and met a couple of other preteens who were into magicK as well, and before you knew it we were having disco parties on the astral plane and discussing the adventures we had in our past lives. I had a friend who was a werewolf, who insisted that spending the night on a full moon was too dangerous, a friend who was a vampire, who insisted that vampires being unable to endure sunlight was a myth (they were however light sensitive, which is why she wore gaudy black sunglasses everywhere she went, inside or out). And me? Well I was the scion of an ancient order of protectors who were reincarnated over and over into the same role in order to safeguard the very consciousness of humanity. No no, I couldn't possibly get into the details, our lives are very secret, and anyone could be an enemy and NOT EVEN KNOW IT. Including you, my parents, my teachers, and anyone who suggested otherwise.

Like you, my parents didn't pay enough attention, and when they did it was mostly to disapprove of my choice of interests. Like you, all I had mostly were cheap books off the 'occult section' shelves at barnes and noble. Like you my friends reinforced my fantasies by pretending to believe in them as long as i pretended to believe in theirs. Unlike you, I didn't have a forum like this. Unlike you, I didn't stumble into a group of serious, mature occultists who could slap the sense into me. Instead, I had to just grow out of it. Let me tell you something, when you don't have a handful of mature adults who can just forgive you your senseless drama and say "Look, you know your faking it, just let it go and we can move forward, and I won't judge you for it," getting over that crap can take a long time, and be a painful process. Oh I know, I know very well. It becomes painful to let it go. After all, this is who you are, according to your own design. This is literally the freedom to be who you want to be, regardless that you have overshadowed who you really are completely.

Those of you who've been here long enough know this isn't the first time I've had to rant like this. But, we get a few dozen new members every week and the Gods know, we get a regular stream of ridiculous posts in kind. So it can afford to be said again.

So, to those of you just getting here, drop it at the door. I'm going to be a lot more frank and a lot less patient about that from now on. Because I realized, when I thought about it for a while, that patience on that matter wouldn't have done me any good. If I'd had the right person come and slap me around a little, with no patience for my teenage angsty BS, who knows where I'd be now. As it is, I have seen, and felt, and been witness to, fantastic things that make my old teenage fantasies pale and withered in comparison. Because they were real, and I earned them, and they taught me something, made me more whole, rather than simply covering up the incomplete me that I was unsatisfied with. And I was impatient when I started, just like you are now, and I wanted the short path. But the short path turned out to be the long path in disguise.

To those of you who have already spread your angsty drama, yours is a more difficult bit. Now there's no guarantee that those of you that have already posted this nonsense will read this particular post - but if you do: just say it here and now - "I know that was BS, but I'm ready to let that stuff go, because I want something real." I can't speak for everyone here. But as for me, I will not hold it against you, I will not boot you off the forum and I won't let the other mods/admins boot you either - as for me, you get a clean slate. As for others, well, who knows. I'm known to be particularly patient.

There is also a chance you were redirected here from whatever BS post you made. If I don't hear from you - and I'll seek admin approval for this - I'll boot you myself. You're gonna have to learn the long and hard way. Because this is a forum for discussion, exchange, and learning, of experience, theory, belief, and interest, based on the real substance of human curiosity and need for growth. Not a place for you to find faceless people to join you in your narcissistic fantasy brigade. I'm tired of seeing trash fill up the pages of this forum, because this is a respectable place for honest inquiry.

peace

EDIT: PS I'm using Vagrants Post to add this PS...I support his assessment(s) and wish to Thank him for a nicely worded statement. Not wanting to 'mar' his post with another 'reply' I piggybacked (forgive me Vagrant). PAY ATTENTION!
-Bym, Admin

Ah, yes, but who learns from success? Xeno, I personally think you've come a hell of a long way and should be applauded for your insight and effort, as well as the rest of those who have told their stories. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/wink.gif) Your post proves that, because you can clearly identify where you went wrong, what you learned by getting sidetracked, and how you corrected your errors. You will find peace with yourself, eventually. Keep working at it and keep an open mind.

I came into the occult from almost the completely opposite perspective. I was good at science when I was a kid--REALLY good--and so I was taught that the logical, materialistic approach was the only valid one in the world. If you couldn't measure it it didn't exist. Well, that outlook is fine when you're eight and you need a clear, concrete world where the choices are simple and you're kept safe from the really dangerous stuff, but as you get older and start learning more about the world, trusting only what you can see and touch is a very shallow way to look at the world. Add this to the fact I come from a family where Weird Shit Happens, mainly precognition and clairvoyance, and you've got an explosion waiting to happen. Fortunately I had a grandfather who was open to stuff like this and left plenty of copies of Fate magazine lying around when I visited on summer break. He also told me to take everything written there with a grain of salt because people lie to get attention. I didn't understand until I got older...

By the time I got to high school I had more of an open mind. I was burned out on science, though--in fact, I was burned out on school in general, bored out of my mind, and severely sick with asthma (as in should have not survived my teens) but at that time but I didn't know it. So, since my grades slipped, I got TOO much attention from the admins and the powers that were. That's not good either. By that time I was reading about the occult pretty extensively, but it was mainly stuff like Grillot de Givry, Colin Wilson, various books on Tarot (I started learning Tarot around age 11 or so), and pretty much what I could find in used bookstores for cheap and in the local library. I also hung out at a place in downtown called Alpha Bookshop. Dr. John Rodgers, his wife Joy, and the rest of the crew were always there to set me straight if I had a question. So I didn't have the opportunity, if you want to call it that, to get sucked into the BS. Anyways, I knew enough to NOT mention this to the guidance counselor when I got dragged in periodically for those dumbass parent-teacher conferences to try to find out why I was underachieving.

I knew a lot of the BS people, though, hung out with a lot of them too. I know exactly the 'disco parties on the astral plane' Vagrant so eloquently described, and while I heard my acquaintances talk about them, I felt a mixed reaction of 'wow, why can't I do that?' and 'WTF?' I dunno, maybe all that time spent studying the scientific method really did help. But I also wondered why I seemed to be the only one focused on getting concrete, physical results like a bigger allowance, more friends, etc. I didn't know enough at that time to figure out they didn't completely pass the smell test, but I did think the stuff they wanted seemed well, kind of silly. I dunno. IMO using a lighter is a great way to conjure fire from one's fingertips...maybe I just don't get it.

Anyways, that's my story, enough rambling from me.

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Edited for grammar/typos..

This post has been edited by Darkmage: Jan 20 2009, 02:31 AM