Ki Exersizes Options

I always thought i was good at sensing ki, (I dont see it, i dont hear it, i just have a sense that it is there) I guess im not

And i was trying to move a pencil as a mental exersize.

at first i tried a zero point technique, got nowhere.
I heard you can switch on your astral senses by flipping a switch in your mind. i dont think it worked.
then i tried a bit of empathy with the pencil, felt it with my mind, then i started to notice visual distortions, dont think its magical energy (You know when its dark and you space out for a while and then you see a bunch of flashing specks in the air and everything has a thin outline?)
Then i tried telling it to move with my mind
then yelling at it to move with my mind
pushing it with my mind.

I dont know how this is relevant to my question other than as an example of where im at.

but what are the best ki/energy control meditations/ exercises?

Ive been doing the middle pillar and circulation of light almost daily (The light goes in your crown energy center.)
and i used to do chakra meditations (The energy goes up your base center, different no?)

but i dont know if ive gotten anywhere?

Ahg, I take it back!

Its not easy!

Its even more difficult!

because when my mind becomes clear its like watching a clock tick the seconds by.

its like watching paint dry and theres no paint!

The second my mind clears i go berserk and instinctively try to go find something to do, but for some reason i cease to want to do anything.

Ive been wandering around my house for an hour.

Its really really really uncomfortable.

Is there like a good book on meditation or something that could help?

It feels like im doing something horribley wrong!