Ki Exersizes Options

I always thought i was good at sensing ki, (I dont see it, i dont hear it, i just have a sense that it is there) I guess im not

And i was trying to move a pencil as a mental exersize.

at first i tried a zero point technique, got nowhere.
I heard you can switch on your astral senses by flipping a switch in your mind. i dont think it worked.
then i tried a bit of empathy with the pencil, felt it with my mind, then i started to notice visual distortions, dont think its magical energy (You know when its dark and you space out for a while and then you see a bunch of flashing specks in the air and everything has a thin outline?)
Then i tried telling it to move with my mind
then yelling at it to move with my mind
pushing it with my mind.

I dont know how this is relevant to my question other than as an example of where im at.

but what are the best ki/energy control meditations/ exercises?

Ive been doing the middle pillar and circulation of light almost daily (The light goes in your crown energy center.)
and i used to do chakra meditations (The energy goes up your base center, different no?)

but i dont know if ive gotten anywhere?

Ahg, I take it back!

Its not easy!

Its even more difficult!

because when my mind becomes clear its like watching a clock tick the seconds by.

its like watching paint dry and theres no paint!

The second my mind clears i go berserk and instinctively try to go find something to do, but for some reason i cease to want to do anything.

Ive been wandering around my house for an hour.

Its really really really uncomfortable.

Is there like a good book on meditation or something that could help?

It feels like im doing something horribley wrong!

You're not doing anything wrong, you're just addicted to sensation and activity and spoiled with a consistent supply like everyone else in the world. Every little obstacle you come up against you seem to become convinced it's too insurmountable for you, you immediately look for a way to go around.

What did I tell you before? Sit down, practice for one minute then get up and occupy yourself otherwise. At the same time the next day - or if you think you can handle another minute of practice, some regular interval of hours later - practice for one minute again. It's certainly the long way, but you appear to have some difficulty dealing with your addictions.

Let me assure you, the practice is not triggering any kind of energy problems, it's not making you go crazy, or causing anxiety attacks. Anything that is wrong, is simply because you're afraid of the consequences of success. And before you retaliate, really think about whether or not you even know what success would mean.

There are a thousand books on meditation. They all say the same thing.

"Sit down, meditate."

peace