Somebody Please Help Me, Help Options

Hello, this is one of my last attempts to find the answers I have been searching for; here is my story:

Ever since I was younger there has always been something different about me, one of those things you can just feel. There are points and times in my life that I have no memory of yet my long term memory serves me quite well. I have always been smart, intuitive, a fast learner and very quick at adapting. I have memories or dreams of lives that are not my own. I have always been a very nocturnal person, but the day time serves as no real obstacle for me. I am a people person and a social butterfly, hell, I’m a social network of butterflies lol. My clairvoyance seems to be above the normal déjà vu. When thinking about somebody, it is not at all unlikely for them to call, text, or show up. I can read people very well, and most have no problem opening up to me; it is as if they don’t have a choice. My personality is that of an extrovert, I draw most of my energy from others around me, but I have no problem with a supply of my own. It as if I am feeding from it somewhere whether it is around me or not, and to top it off I can go extremely long periods of time without food. I am very good at manipulation though I try to catch myself in the act. I have a history of lucid dreaming and night terrors. I was born catholic, raised Baptist, and now being 20 I have learned to think for myself and accept and respect everyone’s views weather we agree on them or not. When I was younger I would have strange dreams apart from the others dreams that I couldn’t quite explain. When I was in my early teens I tampered with magic not understanding the full extent of it. I think I opened something in me, something that made me stronger, made me more, but it terrified me and I performed one last spell to lock it away behind a wooden framed door with a skeleton keyhole in my mind. I became skeptical and over the years things went back to normal. But in the past year maybe two it’s like something is stirring inside me; crawling through my veins. One other thing, even in the years that things died down again, the full moon has always fascinated me and it makes me crave, it makes me feel odd, and it makes me feel alive. Crave what, you may ask, but I do not know the answer to that question. Though often feels as if I need to feed off of energy, or some sort of power source, I tend to be more active on the fool moon, and I tend to stay around people or music that makes me feel well energized.

I have searched high and low for answers, but maybe I’m not looking deep enough or maybe I just can’t figure it out. So, I am here as a cry for help. I don’t know who, or what I am. I have explored many fields, but I have never asked.

If you need any other information then ask.

A few things you should know.

I was born September 23, 1989. The 23rd of that month falls on the traditional zodiac calendar of the Libra, Virgo cusp.

I believe my animal is the wolf, or at least that’s what a few tests have told me and it is also my favorite animal.

I care about the earth and nature almost as if it were a person

One of my elements is air I believe, and I’m not sure of the other

I have never believed in Candle magick, not that it doesn’t work, just that it does not for me.

I have a very strong belief in my opinions, beliefs, and morals

I have a very deep history, though I do not know a lot about it.

I have an adaptive personality.

Lastly, I am able to do this thing that feels as if I am pulsating my entire body, or as if a surge is going through it. All I have to do is focus on doing it or have my eyes on a focal point.

Anything else, then you might just have to ask and I will do my best to answer with all my knowledge.

IF you have reached the end of this then thank you for listening and I really hope to hear from somebody soon.

Thank you,
Nick

You give knowledgeable feed back, but you tend to add a slight tone to your responses. I have no disrespect towards you, but respect is respect regardless of age. Your choice of wards and tone suggest that you are a type of person who doesn't mind a challenge but with that comes debating and fondness of "going back and forth" with others. I do not know you so that is merely my observation.

I'll cut straight through the red tape. Just why is this your last attempts for what your are searching for? Seriously. I don't need a kettle full of melodrama dropped in my lap!

I did not drop it there, you made conscience choice to answer.

Nothing that I wrote was, as you say, "TRIPE"; nonsensical.

I don’t know who, or what I am

The entire message was a list of events or situations, characteristics, and history to give others a ground to start on. I can not make sense of some of the things that have happened to me; why I feel a certain way; or "talents" that I possess, and I was hoping that maybe somebody else could point me in a direction or has knowledge of how my traits relate to anything in particular. You ask

Do you suspect that you are a theriomorph?

, when I honestly don't know the answer. So to put my question more straight forward?

Given the details, can anyone give me any information on what I might be, or point me in a direction that could help me find out?

I have no ill will towards you, so putting all strife strife aside, I will look into the articulate part of our conversation and look into theriomorphs. Thank you for that information.

Now to answer your questions directly:

This would imply that you are reaching a 'end' of your search. Why?

To be more precise, this is the beginning of the end. I have looked on and off for many years. In some fields I am very conversant, while in others I am not so well informed. The Internet is full of lies, fiction, and quite frankly bull s@#$. Even research through libraries has proven difficult with the amount of frauds out there. Though, I realize that there may be many of those types of people may be in this forum; it has over 5,000 members and growing. I feel that somebody must know something or be able to help in sort of capacity, and I am willing to work others who are kind enough to help me 'make sense of things'.

Again...my allusion to your possible 'theriomorph' condition. You pattern like a psychic vampire. Alot of theriomorphs do...

I do know a good deal in psychic vampires, whether natural or learned. I have always had a very strong fixation with vampires so this was one of my earlier studies; not practices. When it comes to me naturally, subconsciously, or unintentionally feeding off the energy of my surroundings, I can see why someone would draw the conclusion of the relation or similar characteristics that you pointed out. What doesn't make sense is why I seem to emit energy as well, almost as if I am overproducing it as I am feeding off of it. It also doesn't explain how my mood can rub off on others or why I am able to lift myself out of a 'funk' without outside influences. An example of my mood acting outwards is: I can be in a down mood and act completely different on the outside to avoid the questions of, "whats wrong", and etc. but unless I am fully aware and focusing inward others around will begin to feel the same way. On-the-other-hand, When I focus that for of energy inwards it eats away at me, but I can still put on that smiling face and everyones mood remains their own.)

I know 'little next to none' about theriomorphs and will do some research into it.

You alone hold that key... I suggest that you dig up everthing from your past that might pertain. Since you are not that old, the memories should be fairly fresh. Especially so if you are as talented as you say you are.

The binding spell that I cast on myself should not have been that strong at 13. Is it possible that the, previously discussed, amount of energy gave it some sort of boost. I do not believe that I cast any other successful spells before that, and the only spell I use now is, "Time go back, Now time be still, Time retract, And grant my will" while I focus on clock going counterclockwise. It was something that I came up with when I was late one day and I got to where I needed to be a lot fast than I should have. I cant run, be in a rush, AND focus, so I began to walk a steady eased pace and chanted.
A simple unbinding spell doesn't work, and I have explored that area of my mind in great detail, yet I have not been able to get through.

Again, the lunar influences, ones of glamor and change. What kind/brand of magic did you practice?

I only tried to practiced simple spells and one potion that I created to endow my amulet. The stuff I tampered with that I shouldn't have was evoking spirits, deities, demons. I do not remember a single name though or whom I called. At the time there had already been the issue with over amount of energy but at the time I recognized it another way and I craved more. So I summoned a whole slew of entities into myself instead of a circle or safely performed ritual. I will correct myself here, because that was the first spell that worked. I started acting weird, saying/doing weird things, talking in a different tongue that makes no sense to me and follows no rules of language and repetitions, yet I understand it. It was as if my mind had begun to work differently.

Though I practiced little, I did my research into my studies; some more than others.
Magick it its basic form
Energy
Wiccan
Pegan
The books of Enoch
Tera
Clairvoyance
Astral Projection
Meditations
Alchemy
Demonology

To name a few
I also explored other religious views and philosophy.



Hopefully this has given you and whoever else that may be reading more insight.
I will be filling out a member profile when I wake.
'Nite to all

and as Truman would say, "Good morning, and in case I don't see ya, good afternoon, good evening, and good night!"

This post has been edited by Nicose: Apr 29 2010, 04:40 AM