Death/rebirth Ritual Options

If this is in the wrong thread I apologize.
Firstly, I would like to say that I am not a magician but I do believe in magic as something profound, powerful and generally positive. Only when its approached or practiced wrong does is lead to disaster so I would like to get this right.
I have become a person who fails all to often in making the "correct" choices and I have become very short sighted, unable to see beyond the day I'm in. This person I am right now, with all the thoughts and actions cannot go on unless I wish to be a homeless, hopeless mess. I believe its never to late to change but for any real change to take place I'm going to need a lot of energy, something I am lacking.
There is a part of me, within me, that's crying out to fix up, to ditch this wasted persona I have attained and its getting stronger as everyday goes by where I make childish mistakes one after another, which is why I am now writing this in hope of some guidance.
I wish for this person I am to die and for a better me to finally, deservedly have its chance at leading the way. I wish for something profound, powerful and positive to come through.
I know Rome wasn't built in a day and I do not expect to become a new person instantly, it will take time. What I was thinking is, tonight when everyone is sleeping and I am free from disruptions, to embrace all that I am right now, all that has led up to me being who I am at this point, assessing myself and becoming aware of what it is that's hindering my growth and bringing me to my knees. Once I am engrossed in all that I am, to then sink into the void within, taking this person along into dispersion. I understand there could be dangers in doing so, to disperse ones personality, ones livelihood, which is why I'm hoping for some guidance in allowing my True Self through in place of the dispersed persona.
Please be honest, is this worth the risk of losing myself completely? Should I just be trapped in a life I do not wish to live and except my fate or should I confront and destroy this impostor?
P.S. While looking about I came to find that what I am looking for is akin to initiation. Any information on this would be much appreciated.
Kind regards.

This post has been edited by al_zaine: May 9 2010, 02:22 PM

>>I honestly feel it's as though I'm due and update/upgrade

lots do right now, and its only going to get worse - the push to do it is increasing too, and will continue to increase - these timeline jumps or passed milestones or whatever that occur are maybe where people leave until all there is left is those that are 'left behind"? - is it more than just people that leave? - so who was it that left? - it was like the earth itself shuddered


>>Although I don't believe 2012 to be the end or to originally have any real importance I am now starting to believe that because of Man's attention to it, we won't accept anything less than a spectacle and whatever minor event happens that year will be blown out of proportion or reshaped into what we ultimately want it to be.

indeed - blown up and reshaped by the majority into what they want it to be - and we are stuck in here with them since we incarnated into their timeline - trapped in a hijacked truck on a highway to their hell - shall we deny our condition and try to affect the outcome while we speed on, or try to help others during the trip, or just feed off the chaos? - your choice again, most likely determined by why you incarnated into this of all timelines in the first place


>>Usually something beneficial to humanity.

lololol - since when have humans done anything beneficial to the whole of humanity or to the planet?


anyway, back to the ritual - so, do you want eclectic, ceremonial, pagan, or what? - each is based on each individual belief system, and only you can choose

there are thousands of rituals on the net, each with their own in-built symbology that makes them what nationality or religion or type they are - then "choose and perish, only to be reborn"

only you can choose which one appeals to you

This post has been edited by esoterica: May 19 2010, 11:48 AM