God, Need help finding Options

So I was raised christian but I never followed the bible or believed it to be real from god. I did pray to god but have since stopped. I feel that I have lost connection with god that has always been with me for as long as I can remember since I stopped praying. But I fear that if this god is the christian god I am on a 1 way ticket to hell for magick. The trouble is I feel strongly about god and about magick both seem and feel right to me. But I don't feel anything for the bible it is more I feel it is wrong and is not the work of the god I believe in. But I do not know who or whatever you like the god I believe is? Please forgive my lose term of god and who, is, etc.

If anyone can give thoughts on this or has gone through something like this I would love to hear from you. I don't know if it is just a lack of myself wanting or not ready for change since I have related to god being able to give me peace after I die instead of torture or if its something else. Should I keep praying to the god I relate to and keep doing magick since I have the same strong feeling towards them both? I truly wish I was better at magick so I could use it to help me get answers. Does anyone else have answers for god christian or any other major religion. From what I've read you can summon spirits to get knowledge from and divination. Has anyone ever asked if one of the religions is correct?


Thanks to all and again take my use of who, is, god with a grain of salt for I lack the words to explain it.

I have 10 years of perfect attendance pins for sunday school, read the bible in 3 different translations (cover to cover), accepted jesus christ as my lord and savior in a conversion experience at 16, got about 800 hours of catechism class in grade school, etc. etc. etc.

Trust me, you can shed any and all of the notions they drill into you.
Since becoming a non-christian, I've faced death very 'up close & personal', and without even so much as a nagging curiosity about there being any validity in my former religion.
It does take time to deprogram all that brainwashing though.