Jesus Hates Smart People, This thing my friend found Options

If Your Child is a Gothic, Reform Through the Lord!
Listed below are some warning signs to indicate if your child may have gone astray from the Lord. Gothic (or goth) is a very obscure and often dangerous culture that young teenagers are prone to participating in.
The gothic culture leads young, susceptible minds into an imagined world of evil, darkness, and violence. Please seek immediate attention through counselling, prayer, and parental guidance to rid your child of Satan's temptations if five or more of the following are applicable to your child:
-Frequently wears black clothing.
-Wears band and/or rock t-shirts.
-Wears excessive black eye makeup, lipstick or nailpolish.
-Wears any odd, silver jewelry or symbols. Some of these include: reversed crosses, pentagrams, pentacles, ankhs or various other Satanic worshipping symbols.
-Shows an interest in piercings or tattoos.
-Listens to gothic or any other anti-social genres of music. (Marilyn Manson claims to be the anti-Christ, and publicly speaks against the Lord. Please discard any such albums IMMEDIATELY.)
-Associates with other people that dress, act or speak eccentrically.
-Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities, such as: the Bible, prayer, church or sports.
-Shows an increasing interest in death, vampires, magic, the occult, witchcraft or anything else that involves Satan.
-Takes drugs.-Drinks alcohol.-Is suicidal and/or depressed.
-Cuts, burns or partakes in any other method of self-mutilation. (This is a Satanic ritual that uses pain to detract from the light of God and His love. Please seek immediate attention for this at your local mental health center.)
-Complains of boredom.
-Sleeps too excessively or too little.
-Is excessively awake during the night.
-Dislikes sunlight or any other form of light. (This pertains to vampires promoting the idea that His light is of no use.)
-Demands an unusual amount of privacy.
-Spends large amounts of time alone
.-Requests time alone and quietness. (This is so that your child may speak to evil sprits throughmeditation.)
-Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an adult.
-Disregards authority figures; teachers, priests, nuns and elders are but a few examples of this.
-Misbehaves at school.
-Misbehaves at home.
-Eats goth-related foods. Count Dracula cereal is an example of this.
-Drinks blood or expresses an interest in drinking blood. (Vampires believe this is how to attain Satan. This act is verydangerous and should be stopped immediately.)
-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources. (Ask your local church for proper programs that yourchild may watch.)
-Plays videos games that contains violence or are of a role-playing nature.
-Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the computer.
-Makes Satanic symbols and/or violently shakes head to music.
-Dances to music in a provocative or sexual manner.
-Expresses an interest in sex.
-Masturbates
-Is homosexual and/or bisexual.
-Pursues dangerous cult religions. Such include: Satanism, Scientology, Philosophy, Paganism, Wicca, Hinduism and Buddhism.
-Wears pins, stickers or anything else that contains these various phrases: "I'm so gothic, I'm dead", "woe is me", "I'm a goth".
-Claims to be a goth.
If five or more of these apply to your child, please intervene immediately. The gothic culture is dangerous and Satan thrives within it. If any of these problems persist, enlist your child into your local mental health center.
~St. Mary's Catholic Church

I love that Ankhs are devices of satanic worship and that Philosophy is apparently a cult. Also that Count Chocula has been renamed Count Dracula by these people. Not to mention that people with different speaking mannerisms and death are both satanic in nature. I also enjoy that people who read this are too damn stupid to realize that if your child claims to be a goth, then your child is a goth.

Don't lose your faith in humanity; we all know that Jesus hates smart people, so these people must be mentally handicapped if they've been brainwashed into symbolically cannibalizing a 2000-year-old zombie that practiced a religion they condemn.

Just saying...

I mean I'm actually a pretty intense unitarian universalist, but what these people are preaching isn't Jesus or Christianity. What I meant by "Jesus hates smart people" is the commercial, church-manufactured version of Jesus, which is worshipped in the wrong way, perceived the wrong way and totally misconceived.

Anyway, I thought you guys might have a laugh at this. Enjoy (IMG:style_emoticons/default/13.gif)

10, or maybe 11

-Dislikes sunlight or any other form of light. (This pertains to vampires promoting the idea that His light is of no use.) - duh, 'his light' would not be the sun, unless the 'he' is Ra (Re)
-Demands an unusual amount of privacy. - damn right, get out
-Spends large amounts of time alone - i am never alone, there are always invisible entities around, some teaching, some just friends hanging out, some even wanting to have sex
.-Requests time alone and quietness. (This is so that your child may speak to evil sprits throughmeditation.) - damn right - see above
-Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an adult. - invisible friends of course, i have no physical friends as i eat them and they run away
-Disregards authority figures; teachers, priests, nuns and elders are but a few examples of this. - f%*! them all, they just want to rape the earth for material possessions and seek desperate trouble so their intervention can come
-Misbehaves at school. - even though i don't go to physical school - my school is the astral plane, and yes i misbehave there too
-Misbehaves at home. - even moreso since the astral plane is my home
-Drinks blood or expresses an interest in drinking blood. (Vampires believe this is how to attain Satan. This act is verydangerous and should be stopped immediately.) - satan be! - actually i am not sang but just psi, and the concepts of both god and satan are merely conforming dogma, in actuality being more like the concept of order and rebellion against that order
-Is homosexual and/or bisexual. - what else is new - half the people in magic are gay

they missed one: -and doesn't watch tv! - no conforming dogma or societal manipulation, and i couldn't care less about being informed about the goings on of this dualistic hellhole - too bad there isn't an astral news channel, or maybe there is: http://www.aasthatv.co.in/index.html