Spiritual Entuty Says He's My "father" Options

Hi, first I want to say thank you for your interest and possible help,I've been a lurker here for a long time and... I could use all the help I can get .

A little about me. I'm a ceremonial magician, I started out with The GD , became a Thelemite a few years ago and I've become entranced with Grimoiric magick and old hermetic texts since. Let's just say I've become quite a fan of Lisiewski , having been raised Catholic and being sent to Catholic school I actually resonate quite well with the religious tone of grimoires. So, I've been around the block, but I'm still confused , so I ask for wiser folk to off their 2 cents.


I've had a "shadow man "around me since I was very ,very small. I could sense a darkness coming from my hallway when I was 3. I call it " The hallway at the center of the Universe", lol because there is no apparent reason for a haunting of this sort. The house is just an old ( 40's) California cracker box style house. no history I know of , anyway the entity is...well if it was human it was long ago.

I've dreamed of a cloaked figure since I was a small child,I've night Terrors as long( mostly gone now)

I'll relate my first remembered dream.

small dark creatures are tearing at me , with despair and agony , The cloaked figure tells me " call for Daddy and I'll save you". I didn't know this man, he didn't look like my dad and so I resisted..but at 5 I could only hold out so long. Eventually I called him and he shewed the things away then held me close in a pleasurable embrace ...


Under the cloak he appears Blond, very tall ( perhaps 7 ft.) with a perpetual smirk. He is very interested in Karma,mine and others and seems to have the ability to give people their Karma...slowly or quickly . No more than what they deserve but it can be meted out gently or roughly. He's quite witty and can be terrifying or loving.

He swears to be my " true father " and has since I was a small child .

I've done quite a bit of research and I plan on evoking him personally ( I may have found a NAME ) but I don't want to rely on my most certainly skewed view of him.

If anyone has any thoughts I'd be very interested to hear..and most grateful!


Thank you very much,
Rebelle (IMG:style_emoticons/default/connie_witchy.gif)

Thank you all for your help! I'm so Glad I'm a member of this forum, you want the serious working magicians when you have a crazy question!


I have most definitely wondered about his true intentions. Was he the wolf master calling off the wolves or is it as the last responder said " he needs your free will permission" .I generally do assume spirits lie , so I check everything I can...but still.
To be honest the Catholic girl in me rears her head and worries about hell, while the magician will take nothing at face value and the child wants to believe, sigh.


I'm most definitely doing an evocation! Actually I'm making a book of power,as seen on this site ..LOL(I'm not done writing in it, that'll have to wait till mercury retrograde is over .) I'm hoping putting him in a book will give a measure of control and facilitate easier communication. I will certainly report back when I'm done.


LOL, It is very Merlin ! Or and traditional "Witch" ( the stereotypical kind, the legendary type ). That in and of itself seems odd... cool but weird. in the world of science we seem to live in. But Ive seen some very magickal things, I think we all probably have since were here =)


I'll give you some quick memories I have of him .He calls himself JAKE or JACQUES ..but I believe, with good reason I think , that Ive found a true name which I plan to make into a sigil .


There was always a presence in the hallway, intense ..palpable . Ive also suffered from night terrors most of my life ... Id generally scream " don't take me! ". My Dad ( physical Dad)was a dabbler, I think he may have opened a door he couldn't close. I thank God I know more than to be a dabbler ! Also.. both my parents had likely fertility problems and were quite old for having no medical help getting pregnant . OH..not to throw anything silly out there but, I don't know what might be useful! Anyway, my Dad is a UFO buff who is convinced were being abducted .... don't know if that matters or not. My parents were rather distant people..and I was lonely and unhappy. I'm sure that contributed alot.


I remember one astral dream I had as a kid ( the same room but now spirits are visible and very 'real' ) in which he said to me

" come to me my child,my favorite child come to me "..hes a bit dramatic.

I said " no " I was actively taught by the nuns to watch for demons, not to trust them, not to trust ANYTHING unless it was the Virgin Mary. That The Devil could look like Jesus or an Angel of light.. I know, in this day and age? Yeah nuns ,at least old ones, are scared of demons still.

SO I said " no " and he responded

" I made you, you belong to me " and he turned his back disappearing, when he disapeared the black creatures descended.. only calling him back got them off.

one interesting thing is that friends of mine knew him as well, except that he never told them he was their father .


When I cried alone he would hold me, when I was picked on he defended me in various ways . He taught me Karma and to trust the universe instead of looking for revenge .


MY Mother died soon after I took my adeptus minor oath, I was still a teen. After hich I would feel hands trying to pull me from my body.. I resisted for months until one night I was tired and not vigilant enough and I was pulled out.
This memory is too much for me to go into in detail.... but Ill say this, I was pulled out and handed to a huge cloaked figure with red eyes who showed me what I could only call HELL... I popped back into my bady and needless to say I didn't sleep that night.


When I was pregnant with my son I saw Jake at the end of my bed, I was outraged because I was having baby and I felt he shouldn't bother me then... I screamed and he was gone ( I completely woke up ,probably) then when I slept I saw a lady in purple. I'd seen her with Jake before in the astral.. a lady completely veiled in purple , Ive never heard her voice or seen her face. This time she had my same nails.. pink and long on the right hand and short on the left( I hate fake nails!) . That made me assume she was a friend and I ran to her and we embraced


Soon after I had a vision of..another world. This time a good one,. One that makes this world pale by comparison( I still cry for it on very bad days ). Jake was with me and he loved me completely...this was the first time I really felt unconditional love ...my son being the first time i really believed I was loved,though I didn't know it until that moment I looked into his little eyes.


a few years later I saw Jake again, he was darker than in the Heavenly world but friendly. this time he said I wouldn't ever have to be hurt again because " I was more like him now "



Thank you for listening... These things have plagued me for a long, long time and I honestly appreciate all your wisdom.


Rebelle

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