Fast Options

I am going to start a fast from food and light starting tomorrow. I will also abstain from cigarettes and any other such things. I will sit in the dark of my bathroom and meditate for a month or more(however long it takes) with nothing more than a cup for water.

I'll get back to you in a month or so with the results.

Wow. That sounds wonderful. Too bad the only things stopping me from doing anything are always crap.

Marine recruiters won't take me.
Truck needs a part.
No money.
No girlfriend.
Nearly shot my friend and his girlfriend.
Losing my mind.
Losing all grip on reality really.....

I once came to the conclusion that God wants me to be evil to test people, but I can't even manage to do that. My friends won't let me be evil.


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Wow. That sounds wonderful. Too bad the only things stopping me from doing anything are always crap.

Marine recruiters won't take me.
Truck needs a part.
No money.
No girlfriend.
Nearly shot my friend and his girlfriend.
Losing my mind.
Losing all grip on reality really.....

I once came to the conclusion that God wants me to be evil to test people, but I can't even manage to do that. My friends won't let me be evil.
(IMG:style_emoticons/default/badmood.gif)

From what you list here, it certainly sounds like some serious crap is going on right now in your life. I don't think spiritual practices involving isolating oneself and disengaging generally solve these kinds of problems, these things have to be met on their own plane. Perhaps a little low magick or relaxation meditation will grease the wheels and give you new options, but (as Draw said) escapism is just going to make these problems worse. Generally, the magician or yogi needs to have their life well put together to be able to "put it down" and benefit from some of the more advanced practices involving isolation, et cetera.

I wish I could give you some pointers right now that would help you transition your life into a positive direction, since it sounds like you're really struggling to find yourself at this time. So I'll ask...what do you want? A good job? Sex? Money? Friends? More likely than not, what you really "want" will be something you can get in multiple ways...

Regarding evil...I'm also not sure what you mean by this. My knee-jerk reaction is that you're finding greater meaning out of the negativity in your life as it stands. If so, don't! You're only fooling yourself and ensuring your misery continues this way. Focus on what you want and desire most and turn away from the pain.