Greetings. Options

Well, I was observing the forum for a while and now that I know how it works, I feel confortable to talk.

Always I felt there is something unexplained, something we must know but we don't, be by the society that tell us there is nothing above or after us, or telling us that we can't do nothing, that we can't do nothing if we weren't "blessed for this". I think this was what take me to search "how the stuff works" and to discover why this or that is called evil or good. My discoveries until know was that must be something, but I'm not prepared to know that and almost all things that people called "evil" or "good" was implicit by people who known their meanings and manipulated this to make us "easy to control".

Now, lefting the "conspiratory theories", that is not the point to focus on, because if now we know the truth, and little by little the people is starting to discover it by theirselves, why fight with lie, isn't it? A short time in my life, I started to follow the so called "Samael Aun Weor teachings" and, well, the more I went deep in the knowledge, more empty I felt, with the "destructing of self". I didn't feel more happy or sad, I was turning into a "empty shell", and that was when I left these "knowledges" (this was like I felt, I don't know if it works or doesn't to you).

So I started to search all the fonts of knowledge that I could, since the "damned" to "holy", that I found there wasn't such definitions. I stepped on the roots of magick, the ancient Thoth, Hermes Trimegistus, crossing Crowley, Bardon and so on, never tried these methods, but I feel that all of they would work perfectly. I didn't try not for lack of interest, but for a "high fear" that I unknow the font.

I found the forum and started to search over topics, I saw some examples of people who overcome certain fears and flaws, looking this I going to start this jorney to the knowledge. Wish me luck. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/smile.gif)

I know that must have tons of English errors above, my English is realy bad, since I speak Portuguese. Paz para vocês!

Hi! Welcome!

Thank you for sharing your thoughts and story. I felt a sense of camaraderie with your description of confronting the unknown and wanting to "know how this stuff works."

I'm sorry to hear that one of our first ventures into a spiritual practice left you feeling empty inside. My sense is that people often need to try a number of different practices before settling on a path, perhaps because the knowledge and experience that one gains from trying a bunch of stuff gives one more insights into what one needs to do on the journey. Keep reading and trying things, and I'm sure that the people here will answer your questions about various systems if you want to ask them.

Best of luck!

Thanks for the answer. I feel that everyone here look for the same things, try to find the key to all and understand all. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/smile.gif)

About my first attempt, I like to think this was, in a way or another, a trigger to the search, because if I hadn't do all this work, I wouldn't know if this really exist or not, since if it doesn't, I wouldn't feel empty at all, and this was a signal that I was really "killing the self", in another words, "killing me".

I hope I find some answers and friends here. Thanks again, "Monje 418". (IMG:style_emoticons/default/smile.gif)