Entity Experience - Just Starting Out Options

Hello, I'm new here, and a novice in magick

This is my first post because I don't really know enough to contribute anything to the site. I've been looking for a good forum that I can look around and maybe get some help if needed. I am reading Magick by Aleister Crowley (the big blue one with 4 parts) Modern Magick by Donald Michael Kraig, and Condensed Chaos by Phil Hine. I started learning about magick when I was about 15, I stopped all progress for no apparent reason at 17, and am now trying to start up again at 19.

So that being said please take it easy on me

I had an experience a few years ago that I didn't and still don't understand, after I had been messing around with the Necronomicon (simon version??) I tried to evoke Asaruludu, Asarualim, and Lugaldurmah. So two weeks later after nothing happening, I wake up in the night to go to the bathroom,probably around 2 am. When I'm walking back to my bedroom and I'm a few feet away from my door I get a really strong sensation someones behind me, so I pause to turn around. Before I can something comes flying past my right ear whispering something inaudible, (just sasasasa lol that's kind of how I remember it) and I got that goose bump inducing feeling in your ear that makes you squirm. So it stops about 5 feet away from me and I see it is a human shape about my size that is completely shining white and the edges looks like some static electricity or something like that. It was all completely shining white, very very bright, brightest at the center of the chest, and the face had no facial features but a big fat black smiling mouth void of teeth and tongue. I noticed it had horns like a rams horns in the sense that they looked segmented (you know?) , but they were dull and brownish kind of dirty looking almost, and I thought to myself how weird it was that it would have such a brilliant body and dull horns. It was smiling and seemed to be very amused or pleased. I just stood frozen staring at this thing for a maybe 30 seconds. Then it turns, and bolts up the stair case, through the kitchen across the living room to the front door where it paused for a split second then it took off like the car in back to the future through the door and I felt a hard shudder in my chest like the wind was knocked out of, me but with no pain. (This is the hardest part to explain) While it was walking up the stairs through the house to the door I followed it with my eyes, just staring at the wall and ceiling, but I could see it moving around in my mind like I had mental x-ray vision.
I then went into my bedroom and went to sleep, it didn't really hit me until the morning that I had had a very strange experience.

I didn't tell anyone for a while thinking that people wouldn't believe me, then I told a couple friends and later my parents.

After this I stopped working with the Necronomicon and started reading and doing other things.

So if anyone can give me some feedback, any and all would be greatly appreciated.

**Sorry for the length of the post and if there are any grammar/spelling errors making it difficult to read.

Perhaps this should be moved to "Unknown Spirits"?

Perhaps this should be moved to "Unknown Spirits"?

It seems you at least connect this experience to your necronomicon dabbling, so I don't see a reason why it shouldn't be here, other than that there is uncertainty.

In any case.

Don't discount the power of the mind over our senses, or for that matter the message these over-riding experiences carry from within us. Too often those interested in magical power have these kinds of distracting interludes and get hung up on whether they originated externally or internally, and the vast majority desperately hope that they are of external origin. No one believes that their mind can create visible, even tangible images and objects around them, and that is the very nature of hallucination. And, ordinary, entirely sane, not-high individuals hallucinate on a daily basis in little ways as the mind edits and re-edits not only our memories, but what is presently before us, at any given time. We take it for granted and live mired in some degree of illusion believing it all to be objective. This isn't even metaphysics, yet - this is just the strange working of a brain that needs to assure us of stability and continuity in our world. What we desire for that sense of importance is what determines how the brain constructs these hallucinations.

Still, even illusions tell us things, the key is to dissect every element apparently internal or external, no matter how small, and then correlate those elements to what we know of ourselves to get an understanding of why we were shown this or such visage, image, shapes in the dark, etc.

Consider: there are two reasonable (within the field of the occult at least), explanations for this event. Either A: Some entity, whether the one you tried to call or some other, appeared to you for some specific reason (there is never -not- a reason, it wasn't for fun, to impress you, to show you a secret thing, or anything like that - if this happened, then there is something in it for the entity, and it begs the question of what it gets); or B: You called a spirit, and some time later in a psychologically vulnerable state your mind constructed an event to fit (which, realize, might have only happened retroactively - you may literally just remember it that way although it didn't actually happen to you at that moment which was at one point, the present. Your brain can rewrite your memories, and without access to the True Mind, you will not know it has been done).

As an example, I have the habit of conversing with an element of my Self that tends to change over time in terms of appearance. When alone, I frequently allow this fragment or extension to occupy real space around me - the passenger side of my car, a spot next to me on the sidewalk, my couch, etc. It has been a dragon, a panther, an old man, a small bird, and a child at various times. Sometimes it is entirely formless. When I am engaged in conversation with it, it is not physically there and although in my mind's eye I see it in a particular space at times, it occupies no part of my physical vision.

However. Though in short term memory it is not always so, in long term memories of more than a day or two I remember, very vividly and clearly, that I had a boy of about 6 in my passenger seat, with shaggy brown hair and light freckles, wearing overalls and barefoot. They were osh-kosh, and he wiggles his toes a lot and seems always a little distracted by them. I had a dragon lounging on my loveseat, scales not entirely shiny but metallic like dully polished steel. Even the grooves stand out and I can feel a tactile memory of their old worn smoothness like grooves over an ancient river-worn stone. Not some CGI masterpiece reference work of my brain - this is what a dragon would look like, feel like, smell like if it were really there.

But, it wasn't. And it wasn't a dragon at all, it was an extension of my own mind. Mind you, I've encountered entities without bodies (in a way) before, I don't believe, exactly, that all non-corporeals are psychological constructs although I think that touches on a kind of universal truth of existential consciousness; this being is an extension of me and I am consciously aware of that at this point (I wasn't always.)

All of this is meant as an illustration - you are working in a field where you basically don't even know the language you yourself are speaking, much less the language of entities from beyond the physical world you know. That you smoke, no offense I was a 24/7 pothead for years, complicates matters further for you. Don't hang a lot of significance on this event, because if it was genuine then you're not in a position to make sense of it and neither is anyone else. If you're not in danger there's no urgency and if it means to help you then just let it do what it's going to do. Getting caught up on it's image is going to be a distraction and keep you from doing other work. And that might have been the purpose as well, if so then get back to work and don't let it run you.

If it was a brain-altered memory, then you may want to figure out why, and even consider projecting this image consciously to converse with it. It's a fantastic way to commune with the primal, creative, sub-awareness part of your mind. My projection has taught me things about myself that I never would have thought about if not for it's direction and conversation.

My vote, officially, however, is solidly for mental projection. Given the circumstances it makes the most sense, such as the case can be in this field.

peace