Crazy.Really crazy or just troubled? Options

I don't know anymore...Am I crazy? I have these totally weird outbursts that doesn't match with the person I think I am. I am bitter sometimes, so bitter that I am scared of the things I say. I am trying to protect myself and I just end up with me saying horrible things to people that doesn't deserve that. Sometimes I think I am a queen, a great human being, the best...After that, I can see that I was stupid, and I apologize. I want to believe that I am on the right way, that I am learning lessons, but...
I'm scared.
What if I am just a horrible person? What if I am just living to hurt others?
On the other way, if I am asking myself these questions, I may be, in some degree, aware of what I should and should not say and do. Maybe I am just confused. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/tn_dizzy002.gif) Maybe there is a way for me to become what I want to be. How I want to be.
I am scared of competition, and I react violently. I am afraid that people will make fun of me, will gossip about me, and make me feel bad. I am paranoid. Borderline personality...I found my simptoms among others in a 'Mental Health and Psychology dictionary'. Anxiety, avoidant personality disorder, histrionic personality..and another five mental disorders.
I wanna scream. Just go somewhere where nobody can see or hear me, and scream my anger out in the universe. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/help.gif) I am pathetic, sad person. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/cry_.gif) What am I doing here, anyway? I don't belong here, among you, those interested in occult. What if I am here just because I have problems dealing with this reality? I am not adapted to society.
I am just sad.Though I am not lonely..weird, hugh? I have some friends, and I am torturing them.
Why? Because I think I deserve everything, and I am sure that everyone tries to hurt me. I really must understand that I am nobody. Nobody cares watta' f%*! I am doing or thinking. I am only one from billions. I do not matter.
And, above all, I am my only friend. So, why am I hurting myself, too?
The simplest answer will be that I am exagerating. The more complex one...I suffer of many personality disorders, I am crazy and I should go somewhere to treat myself.

Have you ever though of taking up chess Geegee? It sounds like you would fit in with the scene. Chess really is a great game where learning can go on for more than one lifetime. The only thing is that chess is very difficult, and if you want to play you really must learn to play. Other good games to help develop your instinct are gin, hearts, bridge and if you yearn for creativity scrabble. Don't get me wrong these aren't problem solvers but if you by becoming good at an abstract hobby you really are helping ease your mind.

On another note we must remember that no one really has a singular pychosesis. Everyone is co-morbid, meaning that everyone has more than one mental disorder, they don't come alone. It may seem overwhelming but maybe you can remember where it all started, what were the first signs of problems.

It's very easy to feel so small, so insignificant. Fear has never helped though, fear whispers 'choose me, pick me, I'll help you'. The first step towards empowering yourself is to make the right decision and become aloof of fear, for fear will blind you eventually. It's easy to say and hard to do. I hope you start feeling better soon.