Several spirits, one Caused Bleeding, Please identify and analyze Options

Many years ago I began to have intense visitations, within the first year of shamanic and white ceremonial practice. While sleeping, and sometimes while awake, I would see featureless golem-like(no hands, feet, face etc) humanoid shapes formed usually of a grey or black smoke that would walk through objects or be halfway throught the floor. They shocked and frightened me and I recall a skinny blackish one walking halfway through my bed that filled me with horror that it might pass through my body, while an unusually large white one that seemed to understand 'floor' and 'objects' bent slowly over my bed to inspect me. It almost seemed to know me, and my initial alarm at the white one faded to a sense that it might be protective or something as it merely stayed put and did nothing, but appeared repeatedly. Then I distinctly heard a man's voice chanting from the foot of my bed, but like an accidental phone wire cross, not intended for projection and occuring elsewhere. Then I was wrenched out-of-body to a collection of individuals who seemed human, seemed to have some sort of council or group concensus, and certainly practiced ceremonial magic with stunning skill and a casual disintrest in light and dark. They said they had been waiting for me to manifest again, the time was interminable, and they wanted a tangeble expression of my true magical energy, right then, so they could integrate, but not the 'paltry white' internal & mystical forms I had limited myself to. I freaked and became angry, that they were dark (hindsight-were they?)and made assumptions about using me. I exuded waves of blocking, concealing and severing force, violently.
For weeks, I saw nothing but normal people auras. Then, while half awake/astral, the really strong one came. I saw a slender man with curly hair that writhed into the flames rolling off him. The fire glowed with a black halo instead of light, and his face had a loki-like expression he walked out of the barren-between astral of manifestation where I was trapped. He was extremely intelligent and charming and feral and was offering me some kind of deal. I was momentarily curious and he linked in on that moment and was doing as he liked before I could answer. I then felt something black and octopus-like with too many eyes and tendrils IN MY WOMB with manifest links and realized he would use me to astral birth(or posess a real fetus, if possible) And freaked out, purging and pulling away desperately. It was a terrifingly strong and aware entity, and, well, it chose to leave because I was uncooperative, I couldn't remove it... I returned to the physical bleeding from my nose and sex(not preg, not period) in shock and in pain. Can anyone name him? Are they all linked events or none? I need some helpful info here.

I am very interested in the results of the reading, and would love to see the interpretation included. Also, the idea of the first part being a premonition never even occurred to me. I have had TERRIBLE experiences with magical groups, mostly watching others attack each other in sad 'schoolyard games' and just not respecting anyone or feeling safe and quietly backing away and out, but twice I was physically attacked by men(after the visitation), and my partener was severely abused and assulted by a woman (before) who used the 'you must obey me and not question to learn magic' technique, when he was very young. He ended up in a mental hospital for 'deprogramming' and suicidal behavior, and had a panic/aversion reaction to magic communities for years. The men were both socially retarted thelemites, one of whom slipped me some kind of homemade roofie which put me into convulsions and caused permenant memory damage, the other was excited to find a woman 'able' to do ceremonial, invited me to join in a norse drinking ritual, 'thoughtfully' helped me home, and called me 'feisty' when I was uselessly drunk in kicking at him. That was when I hunted out Dianic ladies and abandoned ceremonial for witchcraft, needing precisely the kind of assistance that was initially suggested for the visitation on this forum. I assure you the experience was quite different with the strange haunting than with men, although it did happen prior to the #!&*@%$ thelemites. I have been with left with a hatred of crowley followers, a distrust of magical orders, and a profund curiosity of what the hell the spirits that haunt me are. I also no longer intend to stick to White non-external seeking and enlightenment, seeing how little security that has brought me. I suppose it has marked my aura as gentle, fern eating prey to everything and everyone ugly to attack. Therefore I am going for an aggressive, 'will to cause change' Grey form instead. It would be delightful to practice with mages instead of witches if I could ever trust any, but so far I have been developing new and detailed methods of evocation all alone, as I FULLY intend to hunt my spirits down and interrogate them. Although my new methods are amazingly effective, I wanted some input for common sense and security-as I intend to summon him. What are your suggestions?

This post has been edited by silenus: Jul 27 2005, 03:12 PM