Did I find a past life?, may be disturbing :( Options

I had a really interesting experience the other night. I had been stuck mentally on the topic of past lives all day, I'd looked into books about it, done research on it, and thought about it, constantly. I just couldn't shake it off.

Anyways I went to bed and as I usually do before sleeping I meditate, sort of, and afterwards, I was in a really nice place, emotionally, comfortable I guess. I opened my eyes and looked at my bedroom wall where there is always a sliver of light coming in from the lamp outside.

But my whole wall sort of lit up. I say lit up because it wasn't as bright as this one sliver. There wasn't anything outside either (IMG:style_emoticons/default/smile.gif) and it was dancing around my wall, this white light, slowly filling more and more of the space until the whole wall was covered (I couldn't stare at it though or it disappeared, as long as my eyes were moving a bit, I could see it).

My eyes felt forced shut then, like when you watch a baby fall asleep and they open and shut their eyes a few times, each time opening them less and less until they just fall shut. Well that happened to me (and its not how I usually fall asleep or anything).

Almost immediately I was transported to a kitchen. It would have been a 50's or 60's kitchen, a peach colour. A lot of what I knew, I knew instinctively, I knew I was a housewife, and the man laying on the kitchen floor before me was my husband. I was a black woman, early 30's tops, and so tired. But I was leaving him He was a drunk, an abuser, which I just picked up. Anyway as he lay in his stupor on the floor I walked out of the house. When I got to the end of the front path I turned around and he was standing at the screen door staring at me in the most horrifying way.

Anyways that is where it freeze-framed. But I had the most horrible feeling of dread fill me, and as a parent I know the feelings when something bad is happening to your child, and I had that same feeling. My heart was being ripped out even though I was still. And at that point, I just knew that I had left two children behind in that house, as if by accident (it was late night, I knew that) and this man, my husband, killed them. (cue disturbing part).

Anyways I sat bolt upright in bed, remembering every single detail, I had not been asleep and I am not a brilliant visualiser generally, I think in words, not pictures and so to actually 'see' something in my mind is really really hard, but I 'saw' this, like it was on the TV. No, like I was there.

I immediately wrote it down, and its been with me ever since. Afterwards as I wrote it and the feelings of terror and dread subsided I was filled with this incredible, indescribable calm feeling. Like I'd just experienced something magical (not 'magic' just a magical feeling, enchanted is the closest I think I can get to it).

Anyways as I settled, and as I finished writing it, I felt like it was my last life. I just 'knew' it, I guess is the best way to describe it. I get this 'just knowing' thing a lot and have learned to trust it in the past, so I do believe it. I've had a lot of things like this happening in the last 2 weeks (I'm also on a 40 day fast at the moment. Please don't ask why. I just felt the need to do it. I didn't eat by accident for a few days - and not totally starving I promise you that, I eat something small every 2 days or so and have plenty of sugar in my coffee lol - and I felt it had to be done, I wasn't eating for a reason. As the days went on I wondered how long I would remain like that and that magical 40 days came to mind as an answer - get those a lot too, have for years - mental answers I mean. So I'm in day 12 now)!!

Has anyone else had experiences of seeing past lives? Has anyone else had experiences like this one?

Have you found out who you were?